J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

I appear to have caused a little bit of a family scene with her lot, not a massive deal and am not worried about it, just want to sort it out.

Her father is the most aggressive, bad tempered, mean spirited, grumpy, racist, petulant, spoilt bloke I have ever met, sometimes he can be ok but nowadays he is getting very badly behaved, for example swearing and shouting in restaurants, bawling his grandkids out, over reacting to everything and I always end up sat next to him tying to placate and entertain him. Honestly, he is a nigthmare.

Now as I have the role of keeping him under control I have spent ages biting my lip, grinning inanely in the face of disgusting behaviour and I think I was seen as very benign and easy going, like I dont have a temper, a bit of a harmless berk, a court jester to entertain a bored and spiteful king.

Anyway, we have an old Metro there that the kids play in around one of the fields (live on an old farm) , my brother gave them the car but it got replace with anewer one when my grandad stopped driving, they were ok with it and gave it their blessing but moaned a little when it left some ruts, so we make a point of not making ruts and trying to keep away from the bits where its an issue,other people have used the car without incident. To be honest I avoid going round to avoid the agro and avoid usign the car to avoid the moaning, then we get asked why we havent been round to use it.

My wife rang them and her mum said fine, we get there and she is a bit grumpy about it, the he arrives and says "What are you her for" (no hello) and he meant it, the proceeds to be massively negative and rude, I try to plactate and offer alternatives and ways to avoid damage to the grass (its a field, not a lawn) but he is downright rude, in front of the kids, I say (calmly) that I will have th car collected as its obviously not acceptable so will respect your wishes, he doesnt listen and carries on, I carry on placating and then I just thought im 40, I cant be arsed anymore so I just said "Thats me, Im done, had enough, goodbye" and went and got in my car and left (we were in two cars) and went home.


My wife arrived home a bit later, I expected a bawling out but she agreed that I had done the right thing if not the right way in that the kids were there, I said that if I hadnt I would have really let rip and had to get out, apparently I am childish according to her mum and so is my father in law.

So, not sure where that leaves me, they have always been helpful with things like school fees but there is more to life than money, not putting up with that BS any more.

He has got worse over time, he is in his seventies, makes me wonder if he has some kind of illness coming on as its not normal, always been hard work but its getting worse, has anyone seen this in older people, honestly he is awful, like he has no boundaries, he drinks quite a bit, I am thinking it could be Alsheimers or something,has anyone had any experience of this ?

It takes a lot for me to get arsey, I know you lot dont actually know me and I can see my **** but have you ever seen me react negatively to anyone on here ?

Just wondering what to do, I think he needs to see someone, medically, no offers of broken kneecaps please.

David Lock

Sounds like a dash of Alzies - is his memory going a bit?

dl

Jamz3k

I just think its a percentage elderly in general J4CK0, I know and have dealt with a fair few that are exactly the same.

They are a bit like teenagers, they know everything and everyone must respect what they say.

fitzscoob

It could just be a case of him running out of patience for things and being too forthright with his opinions.

If everyone has done as you have and placated him over the years then he's never been told how ridiculous his behaviour has become.

Good for you for handling it the way you did, maybe now he'll start to think about engaging his brain before his mouth.

The only other way I'd have coped with that is recording one of his tirades and playing it back to him and seeing if that registers with him.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Not sure on his memory, seems ok, something isnt right though, it could be some kind of depression, honestly nothing is ever nice, postive or good, alwasy doom and gloom, little things are big deals, shouts at everything.

His grandaughters were round, now they are quite mischevious but not horrendous, just young kids and he was bawling at them and moaning, asking why they were still there and when was somebody going to take them away, not messing, deadly serious and in front of them.

RobsyUK

iTrader: (2)

My grandad was similar and got worse n worse until one I I was so angry I shouted back and said I'd knock him out. I never would I was just angry.
He respected me more after.

Jimbob

iTrader: (13)

Was just thinking that if he acted that way and spoke to me like that, I`d have put him on his ***!!

But you did right with the kids there, you should go back around and sort it out.

TelBoy

I'm confused about the whole Metro in a field thing

53

iTrader: (41)

+1

scoobeenut

Maybe he suffers from a medical condition that gives him pain or discomfort in some way? this can often leave people short tempered or grumpy. Maybe a quiet word with the inlaws may help to shed some light on his behaviour.

ChefDude

i wondered about the medical thing too - dementia or MS - they affect the brain and make people a lot more negative.

as for the situation, maintain your case but do whatever keeps the wife happy. she supports you at the moment, so keep it that way.

mamoon2

Sounds like he has always been "Billy Big Spuds" in his life, i'd imagine he ran his own business and made a lot of money. He's probably never had to show those around him respect due to the money and now he doesn't have his staff to boss around he takes it out on those around him.... am I right?

Also sounds like a bit of Dementia kicking in or maybe just an old man who doesn't give monkeys what anyone else thinks

oldsplice

Here you go, Jacko........ check out the Fronto-temopral dementia section.

http://alzheimers.org.uk/site/script...documentID=133

Nato

Definitely sounds like an underlying issue rather than him just being a badly behaved old man, particularly if he seems to find nothing wrong with his behaviour. Might suggest he's not aware that it's wrong. You definitely did the right thing walking away from the situation though. I'm not sure I'd have been quite so restrained.

millsy3

iTrader: (1)

maybe he drinks more than you think, could be a secret alcoholic

falkster

I'm the last person that would put up with crap like that but when it's family you just need to bite your lip - no matter how many people say he needed putting in his place it will only ever be you that is seen to be in the wrong because the old get has always been like that and everyones lack of feedback is acceptance to his behaviour!

You could always whisper in his ear that you will smash the f**k out of him if he ever uses aggressive behaviour in front of your kids? Quiet is always good - no emotion so it means you do know what you're saying and you are in control!!

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

and again!

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Just so happens

Picture paints a thousand words,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rOPtxAD32M

Music by my brothers band,

That is the exact situation, field etc that was the issue, thing is they kept asking us when we were goign to come round to use it and then, when we do, moan about it !

paulwrxboro

old ******* have to much time on there hands and to much time to think about little things

but dont fallout with them that looks like to much fun

Coffin Dodger

**** the Metro, you need quad bikes, will render that field into a muddy swamp in no time

TelBoy

**** me you're not wrong are you?

David Lock

I definitely get grumpier as I get older but it is a question of degree. Someone needs to take him to his quack and have a chat (or a shout ) and get some preliminary tests done. If he won't go then get a family member to have a word and hope GP doesn't give the old Patient Confidentiality bollox.

Might as well do it now as sure as eggs are eggs he will get worse so not fair on anyone.

I have close experience of Alzheimer's and it can be vicious.

dl

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Thanks for the link Oldsplice, not obviously I am no doctor and the internet is a dangerous place to go diagnosing yourself and others (like that time I went to the doctors with my Polycystic Ovaries ) but a lot about it rings true, espeically this on Alcohol Dementia, fits to a tee on the behaviour side.

http://www.zarcrom.com/users/alzheimers/odem/d2.html

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

groovy track from your bro's band, good looking metro, if there is such a thing.

Grumpy old bastid syndrome is nothing new, and i'm quite looking forward to being one, as well as an old pervert, i thought it was obligatory and the two main pleasures of old age, opps almost forgot the third one of getting in the way and holding people up, i bet thats great fun.

TinyTim

iTrader: (3)

Personally i'd start talking to him in the same manner and see where it gets him.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

This is beyond Grumpy Old Man, it is uncomfortable and embarassing, I honestly think he does need to see a doctor.

Metro was my grandads, he is 90 now, not in the best of health but complete anthesis to my father in law, polite, respectful, dignified, intelligent, considerate and he has never been a rich man, worked hard on the market selling veg wholesale, he has prostate cancer and is now losing his sight but remains himself, he just says his failing health is a the payback for living so long and cant complain as it wont do me any good, totally stoic and doesnt want to be any trouble, polar opposites, my father in law has always been hard work but its gone beyond that.

I am going to insist my wife speaks to her brothers and that they all press gang him into a visit to a specialist and that nobody should contact him until he has been.

Feel bad putting this on here but its been useful to hear what people think.

Sick of everybody worrying about his reaction and pandering to him, need to find out if it is medical and if not just treat it with the contempt it deserves, I have perhaps been comlicit in letting him get away with it by not doing something earlier.

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

right- I wasn't sure where the car was or why you were goign round theirs and making ruts when it was at your place or something.

got it.

carry on.

5t.

markb_s1

Hope you get it sorted Jacko.

hodgy0_2

does he drink?

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Every time I have been round there he has had a drink, so guess he must every night, a bit like Father Jack really.