distraughtbloke

hi all,

first of all, ive got a proper SN account but ive created this new account as i dont want certain information getting back to certain people (namely the girlfriend and her kids)

Right. I'll start from the beginning.

Met this bird 2 years ago. Fell in love. 3 months later we decided to move in together, with her two teen kids.

At the time I met her, she was in training with childrens welfare, so i thought cool, she'll have a nice paying job at some point (when i were on dating sites, only wanted to date someone pretty independent, it didnt matter about kids as I had a wife who had children and I was with her for 6 years before she passed away) - thats a whole different story, but back to the present:

She left her house (was unemployed, housing association house) to move in with me. her furniture was, quite frankly, "rubbish", so what she could sell she did and what was unsellable, got thrown. i did not receive any monies from the sale, though she says at christmas she used the money to pay for a couple of presents for me and for her kids.

i bought her a 8k car.
ive taken them all on two fantastic holidays (costing 7k in total for the two holidays)
i pay all the bills
i have had no contributions from her

after about 6 months, the pressure started getting to me, im managing all these bills on my own, going to work for 12 hours (including travelling) and she sits on her fat ****. she gets a job. 10 hours a WEEK. she contributes to food, though it aint very good food (i aint ever had a steak for dinner with her).
I used to take them out to eat from a friday, saturday and sunday, so she only had to cook for 4 days a week.
she relies on her parents to help her out with her car (I refuse to run her car, she can get off her as5 and do it herself i.e. petrol, mot and so on)
i stop fancying her. stopped wanting to have sex with her because she is so boring in bed. just lies there. all of the women i sleep with, i make into squirters lol, this one, like a log. just lies there. yawn. no excitement. wont dress up or do nothing. previous women, sex every day, not a problem. this one though, ive just lost interest.

Now, this is where is gets interesting.....

6 months ago, she declared she didnt love me. I said ok (secretly please with that to be honest), fine, im not giving her what she wants (a boring sex life). i cant be ar5ed with just going through the motions with a log.

she blames me for her giving up her housing association house. she says if im in financial difficulty i should sell the scoob..... PMSL
i told her why dont she sell her car. no chance.
i told her i want her out of my house.
she refuses
i consult a solicitor. because she has kids (even though they ARENT mine) she cannot be made homeless. basically guys, if you have a girlfriend living with you, and she isnt too stupid and knows the law, you're almost as screwed as if you married her. at least she doesnt have 50% ownership of everything i own.

ive offered to help her a little (ive got my own financial problems without adding hers to mine) but i will give her a couple of hundred quid to get say a washing machine or tumble dryer.

her kids are sooooo cheeky. they speak to me like im a dog. if i give them a bit of lip back, they go moaning to their mum and then ive got 3 of them onto me.

typical example: last week, she went out on the pi55 - and im left with the kids !!!!
went to lock up for the night as she stayed with her bro (she actually did) and i couldnt find the backdoor key. so i asked the kids do they know where the key is. they snapped back "no" blah blah. so im a little irate at this point, cant lock the house when i go to bed and theres a lovely scoob in the driveway. all is needed is for some thieving **** to decide they want it on this particular night, walk through the backdoor of my house and lift the keys.

so.... next day, fat a5s comes home. before ive even had a chance to speak to her about <anything> the kids have gone clucking to her that i "freaked out that the keys went missing". she has a go at me. i explain that i "didnt freak out" and that yeah, i was a bit irate but i think not being able to secure your home because some wazzack has removed the door keys.

5 hours later, fatty comes to me and says that one of the children had the keys in their pocket.

did i get an apology, like **** did i.

its been like this for nearly two years. finally she says "ive got the ball rolling and we're moving out". All she has done is put her name down on another housing association list. yesterday the radio said that 300,000 people are on housing waiting lists. so i approached fatso and said she needs to get a job so she can privately rent a property as the waiting list is going to take YEARS to go through.

I now might have to sell my house to "force" her to leave. though the solicitor says she has to sign some paperwork to agree that she will vacate the property if i sell. she says she will, but i cant see that if she aint got anywhere to go.

im now playing a waiting game.

fatso is also VERY vindictive. several months ago she admitted that she fed her ex-husband dog-food pie when he ****ed her off. I aint ate a meal of this cow for nearly a month. i just fill my boots up in work so i dont need to eat when i get home.

she is a control freak. i just rebel back to her and tell her to **** herself. her kids are exactly the same. i just wont put up with the crap. they are cheeky, unappreciative and wont do a thing for me, yet they get everything (nice hols, lovely home, xmas presents and so on). i feel like im bottom of the chain in the house instead of being bread-winner and appreciated.


Ive posted this coz my family are hundreds of miles away and im here, on my tod. i got no problem looking after myself and dont see a problem in the future when she does leave.

her one kid has put a hole in the bedroom wall coz fatty upset her kid and her kid. ive now got to pay for repairs.

her kids dont look after the house or their bedroom. she doesnt punish them. no grounding or anything. just tries talking to them. they seem to listen then after a few nice quiet days its back to mayhem. around and around we go. sometimes i just feel like slapping their faces when they speak to me like crap. they even do it in front of other people. im reaching the limit of my patience and i know if they dont leave soon, i will snap then they're in trouble (or rather i will be)

I know this thread is probably hilarious - i cant believe it myself but, some times its so stressful that i got 3 people living with me that i dont like and that i have to keep.

I dont earn enough to move out and rent ANOTHER place when i got a massive mortgage on the place im living now.selling is going to be slow and expensive process so i feel im just going to have to hang on til she goes.

She seems to have it in her head, that I "owe" her because she gave up her FREE house....

When i first met her, i took the three of them out and spent 400 quid on new clothes for them as they were wearing charity second hand stuff.

everyone was "nice" at the beginning, but now i feel they've totally taken me for granted.

i cant wait til she leaves. next bird i meet, will have (1) a good paying job (2) their own home so they got as much to lose as me (3) will pay halves on everything and (4) no kids


some words of encouragement will help me at this dire time

(there are a million other situations that i aint going to mention as this thread will become a book if i do) Ive just mentioned the minimum here.

jods

**** me - That sucks.

I'd cancel TV / Phone / Turn heating off / Buy no food for the house (eat out) / Start eviction process / Give her written notice to evict / Call police - tell them she is trespassing / remove bedding - stick in loft? / change locks?

Cammy5106

iTrader: (3)

Wait for them all to go out and change the locks on the doors make sure your car is not around and leave her and her Kids to get too F@£K!!! her parents will take them in and she is out your hair..

If they are not your kids get them to F@&K!!

markb_s1

Surely if the relation ship is at an end, and it's your property, you can just kick them out?
What's to stop you changing YOUR locks on YOUR house when they're not around and slinging their stuff in the street if it really comes down to it?
Can't believe that there's seriously no legal recourse for you.. just sounds to me like she's taking the ****!

Hammer man

iTrader: (25)

+1. I`d do that too

distraughtbloke

cant get her out of house mate. her "human rights" prevent me from throwing her out or evicting.

I am considering to cancel TV and phone though.! i cant even to be in the same room as them as i can feel my blood pressure rising lol.

Cammy5106

iTrader: (3)

Human rights she does not sound human to me mate, kick them out she has no cash to take you to court anyway so poke her human rights up her ***

birchy2010

iTrader: (12)

Just make it as uncomfortable as possible for her to be there. Cancel everything you can, Time to refit the house i think

Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

Does she have proof of this?

BlkKnight

+1 for cancelling all utilities - not water though.

Winter's coming soon.

Make sure your insurance is going to cover you should they decide to do something nasty

RobsyUK

iTrader: (2)

Agree. Cancel everything. Change the timers so that the hot water only comes on when you want it.
Hide all of yur credit cards etc spare keys.

I'm sure if you just threw her out nothing would happen. Even if it did play the she is mental - dropped all her stuff off n claims she lives here.

TH3_5T1G

iTrader: (15)

Damn thats a horrible situaton.

if you can't, by law, evict the fat b1tch then you've got to make her and her kids life miserable. sounds harsh but hopefully they'll get soooo hacked off at living there that they'll actually be active in moving out.

But as she is vindinctive you gotta watch out for her damaging your car and the house as she knows that will get to you.

At the end of the day you've got to look after number one and if it means treading on a few toes then **** it, do it and get on with your life mate

GlesgaKiss

Yip, time to stop letting them take you for a mug.

She sounds like a nightmare. Just get out of it as soon as you can. A guy that used to work with us had been like that with his wife for about the last 15 years of their marriage, and he was only about 40. Unfortunately for him he seems to have left it so long that he can't imagine anything else. His life is a misery, but only because he lets it be one.

JTaylor

Was she fat when you first started going out?

distraughtbloke

lol, yeah she was a bit chubby but that didnt matter at the time as it was her personality that won me over.

thing is, i feel like she mind-fvcking me and making it out its all my fault and she wont take responsibility for her problems. i.e. wont work, gave everything up (not that there was much to give up in the first place).

the solicitor i spoke with, charges £200 an hour, they're a top-notch solicitor so i know im getting good advice.

as some of you have said, i need to tighten the purse-strings and make it uncomfortable. it aint me to be a nasty person but the longer it goes on, i feel im going to have to be a tw@t to get this sorted. i feel like my life has been on pause.

distraughtbloke

i would never call someone "fatty" or insult them for physical attributes that aint "perfect" (i aint no oil painting myself), but im just getting angry at the situation.

Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

So how much do you think you have spent on them in last two years?
And how much debt are you in? I know it is a personal question but you need to realise that only 'you' decided to spend the cash. I bet if you hadn't in the beginning, she wouldn't be there now.
Sorry mate but it needed to be said.
You deserve better. As suggested, wait till they are out and get the locks changed.

gallois

You selfish ****, you've got bored of a relationship that you created and walked into and now want out, this is not a movie this is life, she didn't turn into that person overnight, her teenage kids didn't just appear.

You are just bored and want out, well deal with the consequences, the reason the law won't let you kick her and the kids out is to stop people like you getting bored and kicking a woman and her kids out onto the street.

referring to her as 'Fatty' is truly pathetic.

and the 'key' saga, get a grip ffs, when you have teenage kids of your own, you'll realise that losing a key is not exactly the end of the world.

You may see her house as 'free' but it was her home that she gave up for you.

If this relationship has run it's course, then grow up and deal with it, or if you can't behave yourself in her's and the kids company, then go and find somewhere to live while your solicitors deal with it. Can't afford to move out? can she?

Posting this on a public forum? ffs.

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Good morning Mrs distraughtbloke

gallois

good morning real distraught bloke

banny sti

iTrader: (68)

It is easy to say that when you're not in the situation and do not have to experience the **** he puts up with first hand on a daily basis. Sympathy works both ways....

distraughtbloke

gallois:

"You selfish ****, you've got bored of a relationship that you created and walked into and now want out, this is not a movie this is life, she didn't turn into that person overnight, her teenage kids didn't just appear. "

I aint got bored of the relationship. I stuck with a woman and someone elses kids who neither appreciate or want to help the situation that, yes Ive created for myself. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I wouldnt be in the situation if the kids were cheeky so and so's from the beginning or knew that she is work-shy.

As far as debts, about 8k

"You are just bored and want out, well deal with the consequences, the reason the law won't let you kick her and the kids out is to stop people like you getting bored and kicking a woman and her kids out onto the street."

thats fine, i'll abide by the law. She knows the relationship has run its course. She needs to get a job so she can privately rent. theres nothing wrong with her and she can work.


"referring to her as 'Fatty' is truly pathetic."

Its said in anger. BTW, I get all sorts of comments made about my physical appearance from her and NOT ONCE have I retorted in saying anything back that would hurt her feelings this way.

"and the 'key' saga, get a grip ffs, when you have teenage kids of your own, you'll realise that losing a key is not exactly the end of the world."

I never said it was the end of the world about the key. I was concerned that I could not lock up the house. If you're happy losing keys, good on you. I hope you dont get burgled. I imagine it isnt a nice thing to happen. What I had back off the kids for the key missing was a load of verbal abuse even though I was calm about it. I wasnt panicking because I didnt have a key, just concerned.

When the kids say "we havent got it", "i dont know" and then it turns up in their pockets.... Well, thats just taking the mickey. They could not be ar5ed to look for the key.

"You may see her house as 'free' but it was her home that she gave up for you."

I understand that, and perhaps I have missed out on some important information: When we first moved in together, I had a house that I owned OUTRIGHT. No Mortgage. This house was with my dead wife and the insurance paid the mortgage off. 3 months into living with me she says she wants to move to another house as there is too much history in the one that I had lived in.

So I GAVE UP MY HOUSE (no mortgage remember) sold up at a loss of 40k, used the rest as a deposit and got a BIG mortgage.

It'll be a few years before the market picks back up and I can at least break-even on a sale.

"If this relationship has run it's course, then grow up and deal with it, or if you can't behave yourself in her's and the kids company, then go and find somewhere to live while your solicitors deal with it. Can't afford to move out? can she? "

Course she cannot move out and afford it. She earns no money. That aint MY problem. If people cant be BOTHERED to do what the rest of the hard-working people in this country do, why should I be penalised, or indeed the rest of the working population.


"Posting this on a public forum? ffs"

As I said, my family are HUNDREDS of miles away so I got no one to talk about it. Ive got an anonymous account here so I HAVE got someone (you lot) to maybe tell me things i aint realised.

You must be the PERFECT parent, good on you. Perhaps you wont mind putting them up in your house, getting disrespected, get your house damaged, pay thousands in bills only to be told things like "id call you a ****, but a **** is useful". Have someone telling you that and still be a "nice" person.

You aint got a clue.

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Ah rumbled. I guess i'll take your advice, man up and bitch slap these free loaders into the middle of next week.

Scoober-Dubs

iTrader: (5)

Mate, I feel for you. What a sponger!! No offence mate but I reckon she was attracted to the meal ticket sign tattooed on your forehead!!

I have been there too but not to that extent, was with my ex for 8 years who abused me for cash, my bonuses, blackmailled me into getting her loans (which I got lumbered with), bought and ran her car so that she could keep up with the Jones and gave her a mobile on contract. The final straw was when I got her a loan for a boob job that she said she'd pay; didn't see why I should really as I wasn't going to get any use out of them, but I did. She then had the cheek to demand and extra £2K from my bonus because she's spent some of the money and she didn't have enough for the op.

Fortunately we didn't own the house so this isn't an option for you, but I just upped sticks while she was at work and left her with everything (except the loans Lol). Only problem is we had a daughter together, I've tried as much as possible to minimise the impact to her and I have her at mine every weekend.

I wish I had an answer for you though pal, you can't give that free loader anything else.

If I've learned one thing mate, and I'm sure you will have too, is that there's no such thing as a whirlwind romance. You don't get to know the real person in 3 months. B!tches like that'll show you what you want to see until they get their feet under the table.

Hang in there, maybe try and set her up with someone with a bit of cash that you don't like, and she'll be off like a shot!

EddScott

Think your best option is to sell the house from under her. Is she on the deeds?

Your going to lose everything anyway because she will get legal aid and you'll be on £200 an hour. Either way you'll get turned over.

Just tell her your selling the house and she has to move out.

Funnily enough, a work colleague has done something a bit similar. Thrown everything in for a woman he's known less than 6 months who has 3 kids and he has 2 from previous marriage. All a bit too quick, he's moved 3 hours away from his place of work and it's not going to take long for the strain to get to him. It might work but it's more likely it won't and will get just as nasty as the above I suspect.

TinyTim

iTrader: (3)

I'd double check the law side by contacting your local council.

Phone them saying you're kicking them out in exactly one week - then it becomes their problem to re-house them.

Saxo Boy

Gold.

This is almost as good as PH, "I'm powerfully built"

distraughtbloke

aint married, so she isnt entitled to anything other than what she has paid for or brought into the house.

I owe her nothing as far as I am concerned. This failure in the relationship, is both our faults, i aint taking full responsibility for that and I aint a sucker to go funding her lifestyle.

As far as selling beneath her, i aint going to do that. I want it to be as amicable as possible. Just when she keeps complaining about "i want this, i want that", really grinds my gears.

If I want anything, I'll go work for it. As far as I am concerned, she can go do the same.

BTW, she has mentioned her previous boyfriends called her a "sponger".
Also, classes me the same as all her other boyfriends - but think about this, i cant be the same as all her other boyfriends. We're all different. The only thing that is the same in all of her failed relationships is HER.

distraughtbloke

here's something for you to laugh at.

when we first started going out with each other, i had a beamer, she said her exhusband said to her he'd get her a beamer if he could fvck her up the ****. so he gave her a good bummer, then bought her a corgi BMW. lol.

So I said, well I got a beamer and promptly gave her one up the 5hitter too!

WHat does that tell you about her?

Saxo Boy

Tells me that she probably has haemorrhoids