scoobysnacks

On a flight my friend recently was on, the captain said:

'If the people on the right look out of their window they will see the mountains. If the people on the left look out of their window they won't really see anything. However if the people on the left look to their right they will see the people on the right looking out of the window and if the people on the right look to their left they will see the people on the left looking at them.'

Excellent.


[Edited by scoobysnacks - 4/11/2002 4:40:49 PM]

[Edited by scoobysnacks - 4/11/2002 4:42:41 PM]

GM

Safety briefing on Easyjet flight to Barcelona:

"In the event of oxygen failure etc etc......if you are travelling with a child you should fit your own mask before fitting one to your child. If you are your travelling with two children, you should decide now which one you love the most..."

"Your life jacket is fitted with a light and a whistle for attracting passing sailors"

After landing: "Please keep your seat belt fastened - Capt ****** is a very good pilot but he is a very poor driver"

Well, made me laugh.....

Wurzel

iTrader: (1)

Scoobysnacks he wasn't flying into Denver IA was he? there is mountains on the right and miles and miles of sweat FA on the left.

Sbradley

"Welcome aboard flight BAxxx from Glasgow to London Heathrow. Please pay attention to the following safety briefing. ......in the event of an extended flight over water, you will probably find that we are lost..."

SB

Andy Hall

Another easyjet one

Anyone caught smoking during the flight will be asked to leave the aircraft.

MATTeL

BA safety annoucement after telling everyone you can't smoke and reading from a very old safety script.

"In the event of suffend loss of cabin pressure oxygen masks will automatically fall from the ceiling, you should immediately put out your cigerette, uh, becuase you shouldn't be smoking anyway and trying to get a plastic mask on your face that is pumping out oxygen with a cigerette in your mouth will end in tears for you and mess for everyone else!"

I was creased up everyone else reading their papers, magazines and books wondered what was going on.

MATTeL

After being delayed four hours at Manchester (flying Heathrow), becuase the Airport somehow managed to lose it's connection to the National Grid, this was the announcement from the Captain.

"On behalf of BA I would like to apologise for the person that pays the bill at Manachester Airport. For once we can't get blamed for this one. In a minute the cabin crew will go through the safety demonstration at record speed as I am already pushing back to taxi to the runway. They might as well skip the life jacket section completely, we are going to Heathrow and even I could land this on the Thames."

The rest plane full of people laughing, including the cabin crew who did indeed skip the life jacket section. They also made the gag I have always wanted to hear...

"To fasten you selt belt... well if you can't figure it out just ask and we will laugh at you for being really dense."

Again laughs from the cabin...

MATTeL

On a Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Heathrow, the plane aborts the landing.

"This is the Captain... sorry about the delay coming back to you but I have just been having a nice chat with Air Traffic Control. You might have noticed that we aren't actually on the ground yet, this is due to the esteemed Captain of Can't Land Airways not getting his plane down fast enough. We are coming in for final approach again... this is due to me telling the the Air traffic Controller that I am light on fuel. Don't worry we are fine, like you I would like to get home tonight and I didn't facy joing the stack again."