fast bloke

Was out with the chainsaw today - the nice chap who owns the field next door needs two acres of old woodland cleared for more cow space. He told me that he would pay me to cut it down, cut it up and take it home to burn in the stove (Free fuel, free fun and someone pays you?)Anyway - I cut down a (erm thinghy), wasn't really a bush, wasn't really a tree. About 10 foot tall, single trunk with a bushy top bit. The strange thing was, it was barbie pink throughout, with a solid black line that looke like a binary trace. It wasn't a cherry, but I have no idea what it was..... Any suggestions? (If the black line hadn't been so 1 or 0, I would hav thought Blackpool rock )

oldsplice

I'll tell him you're looking for him.

r32

Probably protected...........

dpb

http://www.goalpost.tv/wp-content/up...ter-Crouch.jpg

Ian

iTrader: (10)

fail

Hysteria1983

Isn't any tree over a certain height protected?

I could be wrong, but I know my neighbours had a moan about our trees. We hate them, and the roots are ruining our drive. They love them, and they give them privacy!
He keeps saying they are protected.

Just a standard evergreen as far as I know.

Hysteria1983

Isn't any tree over a certain height protected?

I could be wrong, but I know my neighbours had a moan about our trees. We hate them, and the roots are ruining our drive. They love them, and they give them privacy!
He keeps saying they are protected.

Just a standard evergreen as far as I know.

fast bloke

You said that twice you said that twice.

When you get out in the sticks, those rules may apply, but it would be damn hard to regulate them. Farmer in question owns about 400 acres, currently (he says) 330 acres of farming land and 70 acres of woodland. If you surveyed that, you would be hard pushed to come back and say.... "Hey - last year you had 70 acres of woodland, now you have only 68" (mostly because he threatens everyone who slows down at the end of his lane with a shotgun... except me )

Kev_turbo

You need a license from the forestry commision to remove that much, you are risking big fines and possible time in big bubbas cell if you are caught.

Dedrater

Do what ever you like on your land, within reason.

If they were protected and you cut them down, the worst that would happen really, is that you would be required to re-plant and you can do this from seed.

Fvuk the neighbours.

what would scooby do

I'm sure that is a euphemism..

Dedrater

Yep, good luck with the LPA on that one.

Kev_turbo

Totally incorrect, you can be fined upto 20k per tree, jailed for upto 6 months and forced to replant like for like. I have seen someone who was forced to replant a row of 6 poplars with trees of minimum 15 meters height. It cost him just over £100k including the fines!!!

fast bloke

I am not cutting down two acres - he just told me to take what I wanted, because someone is coming in March with a giant shredder. I didn't even make a small dent in a corner today, but by March, I will have enough stuff too keep me warm in my old age. Oh yeah - he has permission from DARDNI (our own bunch of overpaid tree huggers) to convert the two acres. How long do you reckon it would take you to cut down and up two acres of woodland?

Spoon

Of course, he needs you on his side to do jobs he wouldn't risk time for himself. Delivered any parcels for him lately?

Oh and I'm going for a Maple of some kind.

Dedrater

Aye, good luck with that. That someone must of been a retard or an industry set up.

Link me to a domestic Judgement, further than a local Magistrate.

You won't find one

Kev_turbo

He was made an example of, a builder who was told to protect the trees while building properties. Instead he removed the trees with a 360 and was hence forced to replant.

fast bloke

Nah - No parcels. He used to threaten me as well, but a couple of years ago one of his cattle was lame. I could see it suffering from half the windows in the house. I went to his yard, did the standoff with the shotgun thing (he had one, I didn't, so I stood off a lot) but after explaning it to him he told me that I am the single decent person alive on the planet , and everyone else is trying to rob him. We live in a double green belt, (I didn't know such a thing existed until some hafwit from the council asked me to see my authorisation for trimmimg the hedge.... what next - a permit to cut the grass? ) - Anyway - The tree removal is authorised and legal and approved etc etc, but none of that explains the pink tree

Kev_turbo

By hand a fortnight with extraction of the timber by tractor. With the harvester and 'beast' chipper it could be clear in 3 days!!

Bubba po

Hi, Fast Bloke. Lots of trees are pink when they are green, so to speak. Oak is pink when it is newly-felled and full of sap, for instance. I could tell you more with a bit more information, such as leaf-shape, weight (density) of the timber, bark description, presence of thorns, berries? The black dot-dash effect is intriguing. I think I've seen it before in a timber.

You shouldn't cut down old woodland, by the way. Probably protected as habitat.

Alg

Himalayan balsam?

Bubba po

That's a reasonable guess. Possibly a field maple, which tend not to get too big. Never seen one of those as timber though.

Bubba po

To be honest, this is like trying to diagnose an elephant from a description of the cross-section of its leg.

Spoon

Of course it's a ******* reasonable guess!!

Now we just need to wait for the resident 'look at me' to come along and tell us he knows someone who owns 4000 of the very trees, potted in his utility room.

fast bloke

What about chanisaw from Argos and a wheelbarrow?

Bubba po

But it's unlikely to be a Japanese maple, or a Norway maple, is it? One's too unlikely, the other one's too big, and the only other reasonable Acer is the Sycamore. And if you can't recognise one of those, you've no business operating a chainsaw.

Spoon

That is FBs dilemma.

Hence I employ my gardener to know the finer points. He was happily wielding his chainsaw all week through a huge old apple tree which is now a replacement path edging for my ponds.

Why have a dog and bark yourself is the easiest answer.

fast bloke

Arrrrhgghhhh - It isn't old woodland. In 1976 is was a housing development in the countryside. It was bulldozed in 1980, covered with about 2mm of soil and rezoned as countryside, seeded out as a meadow garden for the townies and the forgotten about. It was vested from the farmer in 1975 'for development' and he spent 30 years trying to get it back. Thanks to the credit crunch and new zoning laws over here in spudland, no-one can build on it until the Millenium Falcon comes for a flyover, but he can get an extra 6 cows worth of milk quota if it is arable instead of woodland. TBTO IDGAF about all that. When I cut the tree it was pink. Not tinged with pink, not pinkish, not with a hint of pink. My first thought was that I had managed to remove one of my own limbs without noticing, and it was blood splatter from the chainsaw.Bubba - Tomorow I will attempt to send you a piccie of the barbie wood

Spoon

OK, so you're going to send Bubba pictures of your Barbie pink wood?

For that reason, I'm out.

fast bloke

Can your dog lick is own ****? Can you?Anyway - you miss the point entirely. He wants the trees cleared. He doesn't care what they are. I have a stove that burns anything. I don't care what it is. If someone wanted me to be their gardener and know what I was prunung then I would be a complete fail, but if someone wants to pay me play with a chainsaw the I am all ears (and gloves, and ear protectors, and strange trousers.) It seems you haven't tried it. You don't know what fun you are missing