jods

To cut a long story short.

I'm mid 40's, wife is similar age.

Her daughter, my step daughter, is 18. Lives in the house that wife and I provide.

We eat in the dining room most nights, at the dining table.
Most Sundays we have a full on Sunday Roast.

Step Daughter contributes £0.00 to the bills but has "Jobs"
a) Clean the garden after the dog
b) "Do" the dishwasher

She doesn't do either jobs

Her SKY+ was conditional on doing the jobs above.

This evening, When I mentioned that the jobs hadn't been done - I received a barrage of abuse

"You are a ******* Tw@t - **** off"

I was stunned by this.

I'm really upset - I don't know which way to turn.

I'm considering writing her out of my will and leaving her a copy of the book "How to win Friends & Influence People"



If a Kid/Stepkid spoke to you that way - what would you do?

Jamz3k

i'd give her the back of the hand!

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Take the Sky+ off her or tell her to **** off.

Sorry, it's late and my advice may not be the best right now.

MMT WRX

How long have you been her step-dad?
What does her mother think?
What's your normal relationship with her like?
What relevance has where you eat and Sunday roast?

Jamz3k

if she's 18 why is she still living with you? I don't understand these folk who are 20something and still living with the 'rents.

slipstream_uk

iTrader: (1)

Pack her bags and show her the door.

Thats what my partner done to her daughter, when she started all this carry on.
All she would do was sit on her **** all day and sponge.

That was nearly a year ago, now the daughter has a job and a better attitude.
As she has realised we wont put up with her crap.

slipstream_uk

iTrader: (1)

double post

MMT WRX

She may not want to but can't afford to move out.
I'm not sure id want to stay if my only value was cleaning dog sh1te up every day.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

It's not that unreasonable. When I was 18 I had just started uni (locally) and still lived with mine.

Jamz3k

Thats her problem, not his.

MMT WRX

Yes I agree.

Jimbob

iTrader: (13)

Take everything electrical from her, and fitting a pound meter, like those buy as you view things.
Take the skyplus out for definate.

vindaloo

Chat to the OH about it. Let her make the next observation. Decide between you what to do if the offspring comes out with another tirade.

J.

gpssti4

iTrader: (6)

I've been in a similar situation. My 19 year old stepson had chores to do, including the bin and the dishwasher. He did have a job, but wouldn't pay his way at home and would come up with all the usual excuses for not doing his chores; I'm busy, I'm just about to eat/sleep/shower/go to work etc.
Eventually after him saying I'm not his dad and don't have any right to tell him what to do, I told my wife to sort himB out and I washed my hands of the situation.
She made him move out and live with his auntie or friends in London. He's still there and he now realizes that he had it easy before. He now has to wash up in the sink and go to the shops for his aunt and twice a week he spends an hour or two in the laundret washing and drying his clothes.
My advice would be to sit her down and talk to her like an adult, explaining that you're giving her one last chance to prove that she's not a little kid anymore. Take away her sky and advise her that it will be reinstated next week if she does as expected/agreed. The important thng is to get her to understand the consequences of her actions and get her to accept them.

gpssti4

iTrader: (6)

I've been in a similar situation. My 19 year old stepson had chores to do, including the bin and the dishwasher. He did have a job, but wouldn't pay his way at home and would come up with all the usual excuses for not doing his chores; I'm busy, I'm just about to eat/sleep/shower/go to work etc.
Eventually after him saying I'm not his dad and don't have any right to tell him what to do, I told my wife to sort himB out and I washed my hands of the situation.
She made him move out and live with his auntie or friends in London. He's still there and he now realizes that he had it easy before. He now has to wash up in the sink and go to the shops for his aunt and twice a week he spends an hour or two in the laundret washing and drying his clothes.
My advice would be to sit her down and talk to her like an adult, explaining that you're giving her one last chance to prove that she's not a little kid anymore. Take away her sky and advise her that it will be reinstated next week if she does as expected/agreed. The important thng is to get her to understand the consequences of her actions and get her to accept them.

Brun

Does she work????
Remove the Sky+ box straight away. Only return it when she agrees to pay the £10/week for it. If the £10 drys up - out with the box.
No way on earth do you have to put up with any sort of abuse from someone who is living under your roof. You need to talk to your wife and make sure you have her backing as this could get nasty without that support.

DCI Gene Hunt

Jods, has to be the "zap" method.

She clearly won't listen, if she does she's playing you to get what she wants. You need to remove all PRIVILEGES straight away, doing jobs no longer gets anything. Getting a job is what she needs to do.

If you see her trying really hard to get a got then reward her, but don't get her into the habit of a reward for doing something you'd normally EXPECT her to do (poo picking the garden etc.).

You need to be firm but fair, if she rants be cold in response, do not engage with her and stick to your guns.

Good luck.

Ant

Leave her sky, take her tv

DCI Gene Hunt

You should post more at 1am

TinyTim

iTrader: (3)

No offence, but it sounds like she's got it sweet and you're a push-over.


Does she have a boyfriend?

MMT WRX

It is important whatever you do that both you and her mum sing from the same hymn sheet. You must support each other 100% in any decisions made.

Also, as DCI said.
You need to be firm but fair, if she rants be cold in response, do not engage with her and stick to your guns.

Ant

I agree picking dog ****' up and doing the dishwasher is way too easy. As soon as I was working I had to pay £25 board a week.

I used to always argue with my parents when I lives there, now I've moved out we get on brilliant.

I'm sure some of the SN lads dont mind housing her

Ant

Double post

jonc

Your wife should back you up!! You could let her keep her Sky+, just don't do her washing, cook her meals, clean her room, buy her clothes etc until she understands that she as to pull her weight. But the main thing is for your wife to back you up whatever you decide to do.

The Zohan

+1

Firstly (both of you) sit her down and ask her to explain herself/actions could be she has the sorts of problems teenagers have (Kevin and Perry syndrome). This does not excuse her appalling behaviour but may explain it. Prompt and apology if needs be if not forthcoming from her - a real hartfelt apology and lay out the ground rules again. If this fails - pack her bags - this needs to be both of you who do this mum and stepdad.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

She needs her attitude re-aligning, mine think its "Infra Dig" to do chores but we are getting better at makign them, however the jobs are so perfunctarary and crap, you end up doign it yourself, they have no idea and their whole life revolves round them.

I make it clear that my time and effort, say to do a thirty mile round trip to pick them up should be appreciated, I have stuff to do as well, im nearly 40 and have earned the right to do my own thing, they are still kids and have a life of Riley, like anything they need some perspective as to how good they have it. I make it clear I have gone out of my way and it really annoys me if I spend a couple of hours picking one of them up for them to not give me ten minutes to clear the garden or do the pots, if they dont care I remove the Xbox, I have come so close to making them watch me drill a hole through it !

[-(o)-]

iTrader: (1)

Firstly step-kid or you own kid, you're a family and it shouldn't make any difference. As mentioned above you and your missus need be working together on this and be seen to be doing so. Any difference of opinion will be seized upon.

Secondly was this a one-off? All teenagers have bad days, girls particularly, don't over-react but be firm and proportionate. She probably doesn't even realise the offence shes caused you. Make it quite clear you won't accept that sort of behaviour, lay down some ground rules if they weren't already there (kids these days have no common sense, ours need everything spelled out in big clear letters about three times). Chucking her out is a last option which could go either way.

what would scooby do

Flog her to the same arabs the Mcanns did

SJ_Skyline

Firstly, cut of the Sky+ until the jobs are done. Make it very clear that it has been cut of because the jobs have not been done and that it will be reinstated when they are complete.

Personally I wouldn't stand for that language and I would suggest she considers her position in the home, her contribution and ultimately her future if she wants to stay there.

I felt Dale Carnegie's book was a bit dated to read. It's more of a salesman's bible but the underlying lessons ring true. You can buy it for her but will she read it?

Best of luck

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

Sorry to all those who have already posted, but the response needs to come from your partner, as the girl is HER child, not yours.

You need to sit down with the partner and ensure you both feel the same way and WILL SUPPORT EACH OTHER. This last is vital, it will be dead easy for her to cause trouble if she can divide and conquer.

Once you are both onside, decide on a response and stick to it.