Saturday funny!
21 August 2010, 02:27 PM
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Saturday funny!
An old one perhaps, but it made me chuckle
An Englishman, Welshman, Scotsman and an Irishman were all sitting down discussing what is the fastest thing in life.
After much deliberation the Englishman said, "I believe it is the process of thought, it comes to one in a flash"
"Good try" agreed the Scot, "but I think blinking is even quicker."
"Pretty good but not quick enough," quipped the Welshman. " I am sure Electricity is faster, just think if you hit any light switch you get instant light"
After a few moments paddy cut in, "I believe you all have valid points but I think diarrhoea wins !"
"What the **** are you talking about, paddy?" chimed the three other guys.
"Well it is like this. Last night I went down to the local curry house for a vindaloo, which I washed down with 12 pints of Guinness, I then retired to bed. However at 3 o'clock in the morning, before I could think, blink or turn the light on, I shat myself !
An Englishman, Welshman, Scotsman and an Irishman were all sitting down discussing what is the fastest thing in life.
After much deliberation the Englishman said, "I believe it is the process of thought, it comes to one in a flash"
"Good try" agreed the Scot, "but I think blinking is even quicker."
"Pretty good but not quick enough," quipped the Welshman. " I am sure Electricity is faster, just think if you hit any light switch you get instant light"
After a few moments paddy cut in, "I believe you all have valid points but I think diarrhoea wins !"
"What the **** are you talking about, paddy?" chimed the three other guys.
"Well it is like this. Last night I went down to the local curry house for a vindaloo, which I washed down with 12 pints of Guinness, I then retired to bed. However at 3 o'clock in the morning, before I could think, blink or turn the light on, I shat myself !
21 August 2010, 07:35 PM
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A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first but her attention is galvanised when she hears one of them say the following:-
"Emma come first, den I come den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul mouthed sex obsessed swine", retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives".
"Hey coola down lady" said the man.
"Who talkin' about sex?"
I'm a just tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi.
"Emma come first, den I come den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul mouthed sex obsessed swine", retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives".
"Hey coola down lady" said the man.
"Who talkin' about sex?"
I'm a just tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi.
21 August 2010, 07:56 PM
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Gas man knocks on a house door. Teenage boy answers wearing lipstick, stockings, suspenders, heels and smoking a joint. Gas man says, 'Is your mum in, son?' Boy replies, 'Does it f**king look like it?'
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22 August 2010, 12:30 AM
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22 August 2010, 01:40 AM
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Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't **** her."
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't **** her."
22 August 2010, 11:41 AM
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22 August 2010, 12:39 PM
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A very tired nurse walks into a bank,
totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a cheque she pulls a rectal
thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
she looks at the flabbergasted teller,
and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some arsehole's got my pen!'
Dave
totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a cheque she pulls a rectal
thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
she looks at the flabbergasted teller,
and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some arsehole's got my pen!'
Dave
23 August 2010, 10:11 AM
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Police have finally admitted that they got it wrong in the shooting of John Charles de Menez on the London Underground.
It was his naughty brother Dennis that they were after.
It was his naughty brother Dennis that they were after.
23 August 2010, 11:46 AM
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A very tired nurse walks into a bank,
totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a cheque she pulls a rectal
thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
she looks at the flabbergasted teller,
and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some arsehole's got my pen!'
Dave
totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a cheque she pulls a rectal
thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
she looks at the flabbergasted teller,
and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some arsehole's got my pen!'
Dave
Les
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