Women and Logic ?
01 July 2010, 09:23 PM
#1
Women and Logic ?
So, I use a towel or brush and find its the wrong one, towel goes striaght in the wash as its "hers", say I have a swig of the wrong drink it is then tainted, ok I can sort of see it but what about the fact she has had three kids by me and we still occasonally practice ?
Put somethign on a table, "thats going to fall off", even though its six inches from the side, whatever you do it is clear that women, as a rule have no understanding of Physics.
Go for a Poo, she knows I have been and we have two toilets, yet she still insists on using the one I have just vacated ! partially cos I have done but mainly as its making my eyes water I leave, litterally every time spraying air fresener and pretending to cough, personally I avoid recently flushed lavatories for fear of warm seat and Poo in the air ?
Arriving two hours before a given event "to get a good seat", I have wasted so many hours of my life sat in empty school halls waiting for a Carol Concert or something.
And theres more, back in a bit....
Put somethign on a table, "thats going to fall off", even though its six inches from the side, whatever you do it is clear that women, as a rule have no understanding of Physics.
Go for a Poo, she knows I have been and we have two toilets, yet she still insists on using the one I have just vacated ! partially cos I have done but mainly as its making my eyes water I leave, litterally every time spraying air fresener and pretending to cough, personally I avoid recently flushed lavatories for fear of warm seat and Poo in the air ?
Arriving two hours before a given event "to get a good seat", I have wasted so many hours of my life sat in empty school halls waiting for a Carol Concert or something.
And theres more, back in a bit....
01 July 2010, 09:31 PM
#2
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Mine does that too!!!! I don't understand it? As I say to her ''What's the fooking problem?'' ''You bloody kiss me after I eat your minge out!!!!!!!!!!
01 July 2010, 11:06 PM
#6
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Isnt it more to the point she puts some part of you in her mouth? i suppose as only she has drunk from that it is ok but if you drink some of her drink then it is only fit to throw away!
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02 July 2010, 01:41 PM
#10
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Always seem to get it in the neck for cleaning the floor or some other dirty surface with the wrong sponge or using the tea towel to dry it 
"That's the sponge for the dishes and now you've wiped the floor with it, can't use if for dishes any more"
"That's the sponge for the dishes and now you've wiped the floor with it, can't use if for dishes any more"
02 July 2010, 02:05 PM
#12
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Despite my four years studying Mechanical Engineering she apparently still has a better grasp of physics than me.
Now resorted to "and what did we learn from that?" when shes proven wrong. Consummate satisfaction but be ready to duck.
Now resorted to "and what did we learn from that?" when shes proven wrong. Consummate satisfaction but be ready to duck.
02 July 2010, 02:23 PM
#14
Brilliant thread.
Mine accepted, as a gift, an old wardrobe for the house in France. We got it down there in a trailer, but would it ducks go up the stairs, and it was FAR too heavy to shove up a ladder to go in through the window.
Apparently, this was MY fault, (and the lad's, who was also there).
SHE stormed off up the garden. Me and the lad knocked it to bits with large hammers, took it upstairs and rebuilt it with the same nails, some glue, and some screws.
Cue: "See, I TOLD you it could be done!"
And when we had a new door fited at the rear of the barn conversion, the fitters removed a HUGE threshold stone that was under the old door as it was rocking. It weighed about 2cwt.
And SWMBO wanted it back, UNDER the new door base
took me and the kid all day to dig out, shove, lift and drag it into place, jack it up with long wooden levers, place bricks etc under it to hold it, then cement to fix it in place.
Cue: "See? I told you it wasn't impossible"
My old boy told me at 16, "There are two things you need to understand about dealing with women/girls: Firstly, never argue with one as they just wait for you to shut up and then say the same thing again. Secondly, never try to understand one as they are TOTALLY ilogical."
Mine accepted, as a gift, an old wardrobe for the house in France. We got it down there in a trailer, but would it ducks go up the stairs, and it was FAR too heavy to shove up a ladder to go in through the window.
Apparently, this was MY fault, (and the lad's, who was also there
).SHE stormed off up the garden. Me and the lad knocked it to bits with large hammers, took it upstairs and rebuilt it with the same nails, some glue, and some screws.
Cue: "See, I TOLD you it could be done!"
And when we had a new door fited at the rear of the barn conversion, the fitters removed a HUGE threshold stone that was under the old door as it was rocking. It weighed about 2cwt.
And SWMBO wanted it back, UNDER the new door base
took me and the kid all day to dig out, shove, lift and drag it into place, jack it up with long wooden levers, place bricks etc under it to hold it, then cement to fix it in place.
Cue: "See? I told you it wasn't impossible"
My old boy told me at 16, "There are two things you need to understand about dealing with women/girls: Firstly, never argue with one as they just wait for you to shut up and then say the same thing again. Secondly, never try to understand one as they are TOTALLY ilogical."
02 July 2010, 05:03 PM
#21
Old but still funny
When I was 14, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.
When I was 16, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion.
So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college, dated a passionate woman, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, she cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a woman with some stability.
I found a very stable woman, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided I needed a woman with some excitement.
I found an exciting woman, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but no direction.
So I decided to find a woman with some ambition.
I found a smart, ambitious woman with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
Now all I want is a woman with big ****.
When I was 16, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion.
So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college, dated a passionate woman, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, she cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a woman with some stability.
I found a very stable woman, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided I needed a woman with some excitement.
I found an exciting woman, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but no direction.
So I decided to find a woman with some ambition.
I found a smart, ambitious woman with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
Now all I want is a woman with big ****.
02 July 2010, 05:27 PM
#22
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Toothpaste tubes aggravate my other half. He spends an age getting the paste nicely level and at the top of the tube. I squish it in the middle and ruin all his hard work 
He will get into my bath water when I am finished, I would never get into his.
He will get into my bath water when I am finished, I would never get into his.
02 July 2010, 06:18 PM
#23
Scooby Regular
You should always squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube,hate it myself when it is squeezed from the top,or if some other half bends or folds the tube over
..As for women the best thing i have learn't when they are about to go off on one,say nothing and walk away..
02 July 2010, 06:50 PM
#24
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Women aren't illogical, they just operate different logic to men. She s going to do what she wants, when she wants, so sit back & enjoy the ride. Just make sure to have a backbone & say no to her once in a while.
02 July 2010, 08:08 PM
#25
Leave a plate or a dish out and theres hell to pay .. and yet I find glasses and dishes everywhere .. she even puts them on the back of the couch .. I sat down the other day and it nearly took my fooking head off .. when I looked at her she just said "well that was silly" ... I wanted to break it over her head lol
02 July 2010, 08:19 PM
#26
Anything that can bleed for five days and not die, is definitely a phenomenon.
I hate when I walk away from an discussion that has been 'done to death' that I get followed to the other room to have the same discussion start again.
Then there is the tears, and when you ask what is wrong, you get the 'its nothing' response.
I hate when I walk away from an discussion that has been 'done to death' that I get followed to the other room to have the same discussion start again.
Then there is the tears, and when you ask what is wrong, you get the 'its nothing' response.
Last edited by tarmac terror; 02 July 2010 at 08:22 PM.
02 July 2010, 11:20 PM
#27
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Mines travelled to the other end of the country to get away from me (so her sister says) ................. she's now trying to get a transfer back 
I've now come to terms that its just her
I've now come to terms that its just her
02 July 2010, 11:25 PM
#28
she seems to think I crack one off every time I have a bath, I feel a bit upset at this, its actually stereotyping blokes as compuslive ******* and in actual fact its only seven or eight times out of ten, and anyway, most of it in a good hot bath just turns into a kind of "Belly Omlette" or "Poached Smeg" and is easily scooped out Actually her bath water is usually slimy due to some wierd bath oil, and sometimes hairy, very hairy, like she has Depilated Brian Blessed in there, its like the modern equivalent of Tar and Feathering but with bath oil and pubes. I rarely get in her old bath water but when I have a shower afterwards I get caught out by the bath oil, its like a bleeding water slide, me doing a good impression of a Sea Lion sliding into the water.
Also, when she comes in when I am having a shower she will compain about the big Larry the Lurker in the bowl "You could have flushed it", "You Could F*ck off and wait till I have done in here" I reply with as she flushes the bog casuing the real reason for the unflushed turd, the negative effects on the flow rate to the shower and its subsequent effects on the temperature, why she has to come in for a pee when I am in there I dont know ?
Women can always clear men out of a bathroom, number ones and twos you will get told to do one, but if you mention anything involving time of month related activities then its all yours, men want no part of that strange and mysterious world (I "bleeding" dont anyway)
of that aspect of ladies nether regions, apart from the truly warped, those with an Iron Deficiency and perhaps the odd toothless vampire.
02 July 2010, 11:44 PM
#29
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Yes, this is the way in our house, her bath water is apparently fragrant and cleaner than when she got in it, mine is apparently, basically to listen to her appraisal, when i have finished, mainly just Grit and Spunk she seems to think I crack one off every time I have a bath, I feel a bit upset at this, its actually stereotyping blokes as compuslive ******* and in actual fact its only seven or eight times out of ten, and anyway, most of it in a good hot bath just turns into a kind of "Belly Omlette" or "Poached Smeg" and is easily scooped out
Actually her bath water is usually slimy due to some wierd bath oil, and sometimes hairy, very hairy, like she has Depilated Brian Blessed in there, its like the modern equivalent of Tar and Feathering but with bath oil and pubes. I rarely get in her old bath water but when I have a shower afterwards I get caught out by the bath oil, its like a bleeding water slide, me doing a good impression of a Sea Lion sliding into the water.
Also, when she comes in when I am having a shower she will compain about the big Larry the Lurker in the bowl "You could have flushed it", "You Could F*ck off and wait till I have done in here" I reply with as she flushes the bog casuing the real reason for the unflushed turd, the negative effects on the flow rate to the shower and its subsequent effects on the temperature, why she has to come in for a pee when I am in there I dont know ?
Women can always clear men out of a bathroom, number ones and twos you will get told to do one, but if you mention anything involving time of month related activities then its all yours, men want no part of that strange and mysterious world (I "bleeding" dont anyway)
of that aspect of ladies nether regions, apart from the truly warped, those with an Iron Deficiency and perhaps the odd toothless vampire.
she seems to think I crack one off every time I have a bath, I feel a bit upset at this, its actually stereotyping blokes as compuslive ******* and in actual fact its only seven or eight times out of ten, and anyway, most of it in a good hot bath just turns into a kind of "Belly Omlette" or "Poached Smeg" and is easily scooped out Actually her bath water is usually slimy due to some wierd bath oil, and sometimes hairy, very hairy, like she has Depilated Brian Blessed in there, its like the modern equivalent of Tar and Feathering but with bath oil and pubes. I rarely get in her old bath water but when I have a shower afterwards I get caught out by the bath oil, its like a bleeding water slide, me doing a good impression of a Sea Lion sliding into the water.
Also, when she comes in when I am having a shower she will compain about the big Larry the Lurker in the bowl "You could have flushed it", "You Could F*ck off and wait till I have done in here" I reply with as she flushes the bog casuing the real reason for the unflushed turd, the negative effects on the flow rate to the shower and its subsequent effects on the temperature, why she has to come in for a pee when I am in there I dont know ?
Women can always clear men out of a bathroom, number ones and twos you will get told to do one, but if you mention anything involving time of month related activities then its all yours, men want no part of that strange and mysterious world (I "bleeding" dont anyway)
of that aspect of ladies nether regions, apart from the truly warped, those with an Iron Deficiency and perhaps the odd toothless vampire.
I don't get in the bath after his nibs as he has a shave in the bath. I only followed him once and came out looking like a flaming cactus, covered in black gritty little hairs. Never again
Mens logic, we have 3 bathrooms so why does he need to take a dump when I am having a leisurely soak. Why not use one of the other bathrooms. He can't as his car books are in the bathroom I am using and he can't enjoy dropping his cooked loaf, without a good read
02 July 2010, 11:57 PM
#30
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1. how the **** do women get a bath in that heat!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpQspjt31Dc
2. how can you possibly trust somene that bleeds for a week and does not die?
3 FAO Lee 247, flame suit already on lol.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpQspjt31Dc
2. how can you possibly trust somene that bleeds for a week and does not die?
3 FAO Lee 247, flame suit already on lol.
Last edited by my06 ppp silver; 03 July 2010 at 12:01 AM. Reason: funny true link!!!