Bloke walks into a pub !!
30 April 2010, 09:56 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: In the land of nod
Posts: 1,683
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Bloke walks into a pub !!
With a steering wheel between his legs
Barman says "mate you got a steering wheel between you legs"
Bloke says "yes i know its driving me nuts"
Barman says "mate you got a steering wheel between you legs"
Bloke says "yes i know its driving me nuts"
30 April 2010, 11:38 PM
#4
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: There on the stair
Posts: 10,208
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer. With that a man at the bar said I don't want to drink at the same bar as this dog. The dog and the man got into a fight and the man shot the dog in the foot. With that the dog yelped out of the bar and down the street.
A week later the same dog walked into the same bar, this time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots, a black gun belt with a pair of black colt .45's one on either side, and a black bandage around his sore foot. He goes up to the bar and says to the bar tender "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"
A week later the same dog walked into the same bar, this time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots, a black gun belt with a pair of black colt .45's one on either side, and a black bandage around his sore foot. He goes up to the bar and says to the bar tender "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"
01 May 2010, 11:32 AM
#5
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 39,877
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Trending Topics
01 May 2010, 03:12 PM
#8
Super Muppet
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Inside out
Posts: 33,364
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
May 2010 an old man approached Downing Street. He spoke to the policeman standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached Downing Street and said to the same policeman, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached Downing Street and spoke to the very same policeman, saying "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Brown. I've told you already that Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the policeman and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The policeman snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
The policeman looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached Downing Street and said to the same policeman, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached Downing Street and spoke to the very same policeman, saying "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Brown. I've told you already that Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the policeman and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The policeman snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
01 May 2010, 05:01 PM
#10
A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer. With that a man at the bar said I don't want to drink at the same bar as this dog. The dog and the man got into a fight and the man shot the dog in the foot. With that the dog yelped out of the bar and down the street.
A week later the same dog walked into the same bar, this time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots, a black gun belt with a pair of black colt .45's one on either side, and a black bandage around his sore foot. He goes up to the bar and says to the bar tender "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"
A week later the same dog walked into the same bar, this time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots, a black gun belt with a pair of black colt .45's one on either side, and a black bandage around his sore foot. He goes up to the bar and says to the bar tender "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"
02 May 2010, 11:25 PM
#12
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: There on the stair
Posts: 10,208
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.
"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"
"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"
02 May 2010, 11:32 PM
#13
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: In the Flatlands of Lincolnshire
Posts: 2,892
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
May 2010 an old man approached Downing Street. He spoke to the policeman standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached Downing Street and said to the same policeman, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached Downing Street and spoke to the very same policeman, saying "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Brown. I've told you already that Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the policeman and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The policeman snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
The policeman looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached Downing Street and said to the same policeman, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached Downing Street and spoke to the very same policeman, saying "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Brown. I've told you already that Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the policeman and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The policeman snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
Wife says can we go to london next week to see if it is not a joke but a premonition
04 May 2010, 01:56 PM
#14
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 39,877
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
May 2010 an old man approached Downing Street. He spoke to the policeman standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached Downing Street and said to the same policeman, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached Downing Street and spoke to the very same policeman, saying "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Brown. I've told you already that Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the policeman and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The policeman snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
The policeman looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached Downing Street and said to the same policeman, "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached Downing Street and spoke to the very same policeman, saying "I would like to go in and meet with Mr Brown."
The policeman, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Brown. I've told you already that Mr. Brown is no longer prime minister and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the policeman and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The policeman snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
04 May 2010, 02:25 PM
#15
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: South Bucks
Posts: 3,213
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A bloke gets lost in the jungle and is found by a local tribe. They'll only help him if he passes their test of manhood.
First he has to drink a bucket of their local brew, then enter a hut and pull a thorn from the paw of a lion, then go to another hut and make love to a nubile young woman of the village and satisfy her.
He drinks the booze and is guided to the lion's hut, then all hell breaks loose. The tribe think he's been eaten or killed but eventually, clothes in tatters, he staggers out and asks drunkenly, "where's this bird with the thorn in her foot then?"
First he has to drink a bucket of their local brew, then enter a hut and pull a thorn from the paw of a lion, then go to another hut and make love to a nubile young woman of the village and satisfy her.
He drinks the booze and is guided to the lion's hut, then all hell breaks loose. The tribe think he's been eaten or killed but eventually, clothes in tatters, he staggers out and asks drunkenly, "where's this bird with the thorn in her foot then?"
04 May 2010, 04:23 PM
#16
SN Fairy Godmother
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Far Far Away
Posts: 35,246
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A bloke gets lost in the jungle and is found by a local tribe. They'll only help him if he passes their test of manhood.
First he has to drink a bucket of their local brew, then enter a hut and pull a thorn from the paw of a lion, then go to another hut and make love to a nubile young woman of the village and satisfy her.
He drinks the booze and is guided to the lion's hut, then all hell breaks loose. The tribe think he's been eaten or killed but eventually, clothes in tatters, he staggers out and asks drunkenly, "where's this bird with the thorn in her foot then?"
First he has to drink a bucket of their local brew, then enter a hut and pull a thorn from the paw of a lion, then go to another hut and make love to a nubile young woman of the village and satisfy her.
He drinks the booze and is guided to the lion's hut, then all hell breaks loose. The tribe think he's been eaten or killed but eventually, clothes in tatters, he staggers out and asks drunkenly, "where's this bird with the thorn in her foot then?"
05 May 2010, 08:12 PM
#18
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: South Bucks
Posts: 3,213
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
etc etc ...and there's more....
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
05 May 2010, 08:40 PM
#19
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: In the land of nod
Posts: 1,683
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A horny husband was helping his wife set up a password for their PC so he could do the deed quickly
He used "MYPENIS" as her password after putting it in the computer she fell of her chair laughing when the computer system said
"NOT LONG ENOUGH"
He used "MYPENIS" as her password after putting it in the computer she fell of her chair laughing when the computer system said
"NOT LONG ENOUGH"
06 May 2010, 01:42 PM
#20
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 59
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
My favourite:
A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don’t have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.
So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.
The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"
The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"
The bartender says, "No."
So the duck says, "Got any grapes?"
A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don’t have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.
So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.
The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"
The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"
The bartender says, "No."
So the duck says, "Got any grapes?"
06 May 2010, 08:25 PM
#23
Scooby Senior
iTrader: (51)
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wherever I park my car, that's my home
Posts: 20,491
Likes: 0
Received 2 Likes
on
2 Posts
Bloke phones his work and says "can't come in today because I'm sick"
His boss replies "How sick are you?"
Bloke replies........
"I'm in bed with my daughter!!!"
His boss replies "How sick are you?"
Bloke replies........
"I'm in bed with my daughter!!!"
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Wingnuttzz
Member's Gallery
30
26 April 2022 11:15 PM