I was attacked by four hoodies tonight!
08 March 2010, 09:51 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
I was attacked by four hoodies tonight!
On my way back from the station and noticed four hoodies following me home. One of them taps me on the back and asks me if I have a 'spare cigarette'
Anyway, before I know it all of them pile into me. Luckily I managed to knock one out.
Not the best time to have a w8ank I suppose but I thought it might be my last
Anyway, before I know it all of them pile into me. Luckily I managed to knock one out.
Not the best time to have a w8ank I suppose but I thought it might be my last
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08 March 2010, 10:20 PM
#9
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Small boy crying in a Supermarket....
Store Manager comes up to him and says 'What's wrong Son?
Wee lad says 'I've lost my Mummy'
Store Manger says 'Don't worry. We'll find her. What's she like?'
Boy says 'big ***** and vodka'
Store Manager comes up to him and says 'What's wrong Son?
Wee lad says 'I've lost my Mummy'
Store Manger says 'Don't worry. We'll find her. What's she like?'
Boy says 'big ***** and vodka'
09 March 2010, 07:40 PM
#16
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A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates.
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No, my son. I am Peter, Mohammed is higher up."
And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides. He climbs through the clouds coming to a room
where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy, he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again,
"Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus...You will find Mohammed higher up."
Mohammed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.. Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps, as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
"No, my son....I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"
"Yes, please, my Lord."
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:
"Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!"
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No, my son. I am Peter, Mohammed is higher up."
And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides. He climbs through the clouds coming to a room
where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy, he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again,
"Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus...You will find Mohammed higher up."
Mohammed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.. Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps, as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
"No, my son....I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"
"Yes, please, my Lord."
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:
"Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!"
09 March 2010, 10:02 PM
#18
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On my way back from the station and noticed four hoodies following me home. One of them taps me on the back and asks me if I have a 'spare cigarette'
Anyway, before I know it all of them pile into me. Luckily I managed to knock one out.
Not the best time to have a w8ank I suppose but I thought it might be my last
Anyway, before I know it all of them pile into me. Luckily I managed to knock one out.
Not the best time to have a w8ank I suppose but I thought it might be my last
10 March 2010, 01:07 PM
#20
Scooby Regular
I remember the very first time I knocked one out ..
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I opened the dirty mag and got down to it ...
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I was doing really well too .... just beyond the point of no return someone tapped me on the shoulder
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It was the Shop Manager, "You going to buy that, or what?" he said ..........
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I opened the dirty mag and got down to it ...
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I was doing really well too .... just beyond the point of no return someone tapped me on the shoulder
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It was the Shop Manager, "You going to buy that, or what?" he said ..........
10 March 2010, 02:18 PM
#21
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 2,785
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I remember the very first time I knocked one out ..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I opened the dirty mag and got down to it ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I was doing really well too .... just beyond the point of no return someone tapped me on the shoulder
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It was the Shop Manager, "You going to buy that, or what?" he said ..........
.
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.
.
I opened the dirty mag and got down to it ...
.
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I was doing really well too .... just beyond the point of no return someone tapped me on the shoulder
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It was the Shop Manager, "You going to buy that, or what?" he said ..........
Well done pslewis, Always make a comeback with a strong joke...
10 March 2010, 03:40 PM
#22
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
I remember the very first time I knocked one out ..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I opened the dirty mag and got down to it ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I was doing really well too .... just beyond the point of no return someone tapped me on the shoulder
.
.
.
.
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It was my mother, '' come on Pete, you're 55 years old, get a girlfriend ffs!" ..........
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.
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I opened the dirty mag and got down to it ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I was doing really well too .... just beyond the point of no return someone tapped me on the shoulder
.
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It was my mother, '' come on Pete, you're 55 years old, get a girlfriend ffs!" ..........
EDITED FOR ACCURACY
10 March 2010, 06:07 PM
#23
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Got into a bit of trouble with the missus last night. She asked me where I would most like to be buried. Apparently bollocks deep in her slutty sister wasn't the right answer.
10 March 2010, 09:40 PM
#25
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: north yorkshire
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Some rejected ideas for Windows7...
hi im Kate McCann and leaving
windows open was my idea,,,,,,,,
hi im Joseph fritzel and not having
any windows was my idea,,,,,,,,
hi im harvey price and licking
windows was my idea,,,,,,,
hi im Kate McCann and leaving
windows open was my idea,,,,,,,,
hi im Joseph fritzel and not having
any windows was my idea,,,,,,,,
hi im harvey price and licking
windows was my idea,,,,,,,
10 March 2010, 10:27 PM
#26
Scooby Regular
10 March 2010, 10:45 PM
#27
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A London lawyer and a Yorkshireman are sitting next to each
other on a long flight to Leeds ..
The lawyer is thinking that Yorkshire men are all 'cloth
cap and clogs' and that he can fool them easily...
So the lawyer asks if the Yorkshireman would like to play a
fun game.
The Yorkshireman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so
he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me only £5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you £500.'
As may be expected, this catches the Yorkshireman's
attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance
from The Earth to the moon?'
The Yorkshireman doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket,
pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the Yorkshireman's turn. He asks the lawyer,
'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with
four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all the references he
knows.
He uses the air-phone; he searches the Net and even the
British Library.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to
no avail.
After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes up the Yorkshireman and hands him £500.
The Yorkshireman pockets the £500 and goes straight back to
sleep.
The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer. He wakes
the Yorkshireman up and asks,
'Well! What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
with four?'
The Yorkshireman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5
and goes back to sleep.
Don't mess with Yorkshiremen; they only talk different.
other on a long flight to Leeds ..
The lawyer is thinking that Yorkshire men are all 'cloth
cap and clogs' and that he can fool them easily...
So the lawyer asks if the Yorkshireman would like to play a
fun game.
The Yorkshireman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so
he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me only £5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you £500.'
As may be expected, this catches the Yorkshireman's
attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance
from The Earth to the moon?'
The Yorkshireman doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket,
pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the Yorkshireman's turn. He asks the lawyer,
'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with
four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all the references he
knows.
He uses the air-phone; he searches the Net and even the
British Library.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to
no avail.
After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes up the Yorkshireman and hands him £500.
The Yorkshireman pockets the £500 and goes straight back to
sleep.
The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer. He wakes
the Yorkshireman up and asks,
'Well! What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
with four?'
The Yorkshireman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5
and goes back to sleep.
Don't mess with Yorkshiremen; they only talk different.
10 March 2010, 11:06 PM
#28
SN Fairy Godmother
Join Date: Nov 2003
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On my way back from the station and noticed four hoodies following me home. One of them taps me on the back and asks me if I have a 'spare cigarette'
Anyway, before I know it all of them pile into me. Luckily I managed to knock one out.
Not the best time to have a w8ank I suppose but I thought it might be my last
Anyway, before I know it all of them pile into me. Luckily I managed to knock one out.
Not the best time to have a w8ank I suppose but I thought it might be my last
