warrenm2

DEPRESSED MAN DIAGNOSED AS "BRITISH"

George Farthing, an expatriate British man living in America, was
recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on anti-
depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when doctors
realised he wasn't depressed at all - only British.

Mr Farthing, whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy perspective were
interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on a nightmare
journey through the American psychiatric system. Doctors described
Farthing as suffering with Pervasive Negative Anticipation - a belief
that everything will turn out for the worst, whether it's trains
arriving late, England's chances at winning any international sports
event or even his own prospects to get ahead in life and achieve his
dreams.

"The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed
particularly pathological," reported the doctors.

"They put me on everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort," said Mr
Farthing. "They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour
a day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all
pointless and they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that
got me here in the first place."

Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of
"weapons grade amphetamine", the only noticeable effect of which was
six hours of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and
"not too bad, really".

It was then that Mr Farthing was referred to a psychotherapist.

Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr Farthing's family history and couldn't
believe his ears.

"His story of a childhood growing up in a grey little town where it
rained every day, treeless streets of identical houses and passionately
backing a football team who never won, seemed to be typical depressive
ideation or false memory. Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but
seemed to mainly want to talk about the weather - how miserable and
cold it was in winter and later how difficult and hot it was in summer.
I felt he wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended
drastic action - namely ECT or shock treatment".

"I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the
rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my
accent," said Mr Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think
we're making a terrible mistake'." Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of
British comedy, giving her an understanding of the British psyche.

"Classic comedy characters like Tony Hancock, Albert Steptoe and Frank
Spencer are all hopeless cases with no chance of ever doing well or
escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled US medics.
"That's funny in Britain and is not seen as pathological at all."

Identifying Mr Farthing as British changed his diagnosis from 'clinical
depression' to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately
discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured
leaflets and an "I love New York" T-shirt.

dpb

Why he should be given immediate access to our nice Mr Brown - he'll teach him a thing or two about a positive /deluded attitude