Just been parked in my van parked up and 4 jehova witness's just came upto me.

Jehova : " I've noticed you have news papers in your window? Are you worried about the current events around the world"

My reply: " I just buy it for the **** and ***"

Jehova: "oh.....sorry we can't help you "

There face was priceless

 

I've just had a couple here, at Hunt Halls... they were ugly bints so I closed the door on them

 

Save me a seat! I had them at the door the other day...

I'd finished work at 4.45 AM, it was now 9AM. All the lights in the house were off, all the curtains were shut, there was no sign off life. I wake up, can hear an engine running outside and someone knocking on my door. I leap out of bed, hurl my dressing gown on, whizz downstairs and open the door in one fluid, semi concious manoeuvre expecting to be greeted by the postie with a parcel.

'We'd like to leave you this invitation'

'huh pffffffff F**K OFF!!!!!' and I slammed the door shut!

Jehova all you bloody like, just don't bother me with it!

It did cross my mind to go to a Jehovaist meet and ask if I could speak for a moment and then just prattle on about cars or planes or summat else that they're not interested in and then leave some flyers for a club, see how they like it!

 

Such a polite response too!

Les

 

if you can get over the religious bit

in my experience they are very sweet people

 

Nail some sense into them I say....

YouTube - monty python stoning clip

 

I was at the future mother-in-laws a couple of weeks back and a chappy appeared at the door. Very pleasant indeed, just asked if we were interested in attending one of their events, the celebration of the crucifixion of Jesus, he then handed us a leaflet and left. Have to say I was a bit miffed that they are celebrating Jesus getting nailed up. He didn't even seem to be wearing his Sunday best and didn't have the family in tow either. Perhaps they do it differently over here?

 

well when I'm trying to work and I've got someone that's just stroked my arm then begin to preach.

Would you like me to come to your work place and disturb you from your work and stroke you arm? on second thoughts don't answer that

 

I've had some great discussions with them....
They don't like it when i say if there were no wars i'd have no job so i think they can actually be a good thing!
They look blank then leave, it's great.

 

We were in Anglesey at the wifes aunts and they came to the door, bloke did the talking but his missus was a milf of the highest order, stood there, all cleavage and the sun was makign her dress transparent, he had the cheek to give me the "Awake" magazine abotu internet ****, bloke head in hands sat in front of a computer with his wife stoming out having caught him having a grumble, I kept him talking for ages whilst perving on his missus, he wasnt a Jehova, he was just going door to door showing his wife off !

 

before Xmas time I was half way through a job and asked the kids that lived there are you looking forward to Xmas.

They replied we don't celebrate Xmas told me there jehova and started preaching to me constantly they was about 4 and 5 ffs. Makes me sick they get forced upon to take the religion

 

About 2 years ago, me and Mrs C_o_b to be were having a little "fun and shenanigans" upstairs. Door knocked and she went downstairs to answer (fully clothed still - well she was). Was some Jehovah's from the U, S and A. They looked up at her head, saw the plastic devil horn's and apparently said "we're sorry but it's too late to help you" and fcuked off

The shenanigans continued afterwards by the way...

 

They asked me whether I would like to be saved ......

I asked if they would save anyone - even a young blonde busty woman who demanded non-stop sex?

They said, yes - we save everyone and anyone.

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I replied, "If you do happen to find one - please save them for ME!"

 

OR ...

Chalk an outline of a human body on the front door step, scatter a few copies of "The Watchtower" around...

 

Don't worry. I'm not like that!

We get a couple who come round here and they are as nice as pie. We spend more time discussing local affairs anyway. It is part of their religion to "spread the word". I respect their beliefs and they respect ours. They never force it on us and if they see I am busy they don't bother me. They know we don't follow their religion and are as polite to us as we are to them. I don't find that too difficult in fact.

Les

 

I like that old Catholic saying; confess on a Saturday, absolution on a Sunday and back to business on a Monday

 

les you must be lucky all the ones I've come across have been pushy

 

A couple of guys in black suits turned up on my door this morning, so I told them to **** off and take their **** excuse for a religion and stick it up Jehovah's ****ing ****.

They then explained to me they were part of MI5, and here to talk to me about inciting racial hatred.

 

Christmas day, I was driving through a council estate at about 11am when I spotted a hoard of them in their Sunday best knocking on doors! of all the days to be spreading the word

 

When I was a teenager a couple of them knocked on my door.
JW "We've come to bring you Jesus"
Me "I'm a bit busy right now, but if you leave him in the garage I'll tend to him later"
JW "........????............"
Me - closes door. Job done.






Having said that they are generally very nice people - once away from religion. One of my best mates is one and he never preaches to me. I used to have a chat with one sometimes when he drove past my house. He'd always stop if I was outside cleaning my car, nice as pie.

 

I get a few of them on my door ... Think I might have to try this ... with a few empty tins knocking around hehe


Never heard that1

 

Yes maybe you are right. Anyone would enjoy having a chat with these two who come round here. Interesting blokes to talk to about all sorts of things.

Les

 

Hmmm might have to get into this Jehovah's Witness lark if I ever have kids. At least until they leave home anyway

 

A good way of getting rid of them is to say:

"Not right now, I'm running late for a blood transfusion"

 

Continually plagued by these people , usually little ole dear with a younger one in tow , but last week a lone uppper middle aged bloke ( i think there must be a nest of them somewhere nearby). Thought he was the courier , they always seem so dissapointed to know your busy trying to earn a crust - get a real job you parasites

 

Always thought they hunted in pairs until a few weeks back when I had at least 8 in one go ranging from 7/8 years upwards. Even had the young 'uns door knocking.

 

my boss came out with a cracker when one wandered in the other day

"i'm a hemophiliac, me and you don't get along"

my boss delivers the most deadpan lines you'll ever hear and it was priceless he is actually a sufferer so he wasn't being an **** and to his credit the jehova chap was a really nice guy, had a chat then done the off

he even stopped to chat to Mr DVD on his way down the yard. didn't get too far with him though

 

once let a couple into my office for a chat on the basis that one was really fit, had a nice chat about dawkins and cars then off they went promising to consult with some literature and respond to some arguments made by dawkins but never saw them again,

 

many years back when i was still living at my mums (teen years) we had a couple come to the door and my elder brother (home from the RAF) answered the door.

"Hello Sir, we'd like to talk to you about God."
my brother replied "I'm sorry, we're practising Satanists"
(turning back to me in the Kitchen)
He shouts "Have you got that Goat ready yet?!?!"

They left.