ronjeramy

iTrader: (1)

As above I'm going to be best man for my oldest friend in May. Now I've never had the honour of doing this, and I'm crapping my pants at the thought of making a speech in front of a lot of strangers. Anyhow I've no idea on what to put into the speech, how long it should last without being boring, etc. I've had a quick google and the sites Ive come across are pay sites, and they will right the speech for you, which is not what I'm after, some ideas on the usual jokes maybe, but that's all I'm after.

Cheers

SunnySideUp

You Tube is your friend .... some cracking best man speeches on there!

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

Just get bladdered and get off with the bridesmaid(s), isn't that what normally happens?

David Lock

Dozens of threads on SN and one excellent one some months back with YouTube links etc.

One of the best opening lines suggested was the Best Man clearing his throat to start off and then saying loudly and slowly "FORNICATION". As the room is then in complete silence the Best Man looks around embarrassed, shuffles his notes and tries again. "This lovely church and hall is an ideal setting for an occasion such as this"

One of my own favourites is for the Best Man to say that coincidentally he spoke at a meeting in this very same hall some weeks back at the local AA meeting. And he was delighted to see so many familiar faces here today!

dl

BOB.T

A shot of port beforehand will work a treat!

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

where would you inject that?

BOB.T

Where would you like me to inject you?

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

you've been on the port again

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

So you didn't try here: Best man speeches and best man speech material then?


take it back - the gits make you pay after 4 looks

Ans

Hi,
i went to a wedding at the weekend, the best mans speech was a display of embarassing photos of the groom with a bit of a story about his life to now. The family and mates all chipped in with early fotos and later ones of him on the ****.

It worked really well and we the audience chipped in too so took the heat off the best man.

SWRTWannabe

I was best man a few years ago, and showed some cue cards for the groom that I made out I'd had "just in case" at the wedding - one with the bride's name, one with a picture of a hand with an arrow pointing to the ring finger, and one with a rather ruder finger jesture which was for if someone cut them up in the wedding car. Seemed to go down well.

hodgy0_2

for those of you who dont know how <insert groom> met <insert bride> its worth recapping such a lovely story

<insert groom> was standing at the bar, some 7 years ago this week and saw the most beautiful girl sitting across the restaurant, at a table, and thinking he would love to spend the rest of his life with the vision of perfection he turned to <insert bride> standing next to him and said (hopefully waits for laughter) what stunner she is

goes down quite well if you get the timing right

tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

have a look on wedding venues, planning help and advice - hitched.co.uk - loads of stuff on there ripe for picking.

ronjeramy

iTrader: (1)

Cheers guys and Sara good info so far keep it coming
Kieran that's one of the sites i found, i think its one a friend has used in the past which was free.
Has anyone any idea on how many words or how long it should go on for?

G00ner

I've done it three times now, hate it more every time, it never gets easier. (unless your a natural speaker)

I'm not a big fan of all these tacky websites with the same old tired cliches, chances are 90% of the people there will have heard them all before.

For me it's a case of originality, sincerity, character and good old fashioned humour.

You'll generally find the crowd are there to be entertained, they won't give you a hard time even if your nervous and will laugh at the slightest pun, more so if it's topical and not from a book or website.

All I can say is it's a damn site easier if it's a colourful character getting married!

Ask a friend/relative/wokmate who's good at that sought of thing and absorb as much as possible.

I also found writing down small bullet points far better than having pages and pages of text.

A few beers (2 or 3 max) may help to relax the nerves a little too.

Avoid the following -

"Groom's Name" was born on "Groom's Birthday", a day the maternity staff now call monkey birth Tuesday.

" I must admit to feeling a little nervous, in fact its not the 1st time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.."

"It's been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers"

"I'll thank the bridesmaids personally later"

blah blah blah

Matteeboy

Did the first few sentences in Italian (spent ages practising with the brides Italian speaking firends as I don't know much of the lingo) - the family love Italy and have a house out there and the bride did an Italian degree (and spent a year there). Went down pretty well.

I used smallish cards with the important bits in lager red text, made it semi funny but not too OTT and am still friends with the bride and groom!

bigarf

iTrader: (67)

i was the best man for my mate 2 years ago in cyprus.i never worried about the speach until about a couple of weeks before the wedding,then i just shat my pants.on the day me and my mate were getting ready to go down and luckily i had a litre of vodka which we both knocked back in record time.we didnt feel bad until we walked out of our room,then omg we could hardly stand up.the wedding just went like a dream,i made my speach without even writing anything down,carnt remmember what the hell i was going on about but everything went well so who cares.so the moral of the story is,dont worry just have a litre of vodka at hand.

SunnySideUp

" I must admit to feeling a little nervous, in fact its not the 1st time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.."

-----------------------------------------------------

That is BRILLIANT!!

I do some speaking in public and presentations, never heard that before.

David Lock

The rule of thumb is that it should take as long as it takes the groom to make love.

So for an old couple you have most of the afternoon but for a young stud may be 30 seconds?

Leslie

Keep it short, tell a joke about the bridegroom, and I think you have to toast someone-maybe the bridesmaids.

Les

vindaloo

A bit necro these days....

"Being asked to be the best man at a wedding is something of a mixed blessing. It's like being asked to sh*g the Queen Mother. It's a great honour, but you wouldn't necessarily want to do it..."

J.

Account deleted by request

"I have to say how beautiful the bride looks today, infact good enough to eat, and i'm sure the -insert name- will be doing that later"

Chop

Nurse Gladys

You could always start it off the same way as one of my hubbys mates did,

"Thank you for coming, because coming is nice!"

I do believe his Granny is still choking now!!

g7prs

iTrader: (5)

One of the funny things i saw at a wedding once was during the best mans speech he said that now they were both married he really should hand back the spare keys that the bride had gave him to her house / flat and then about ten other guys in the audience all trooped up one by one and put a set of keys on the table as well.

Coffin Dodger

Very unoriginal

Coffin Dodger

Bit old now but heard this one around the time of Wimbledon:

"Hope the grooms performance in the bridal suite tonight is a bit better than Tim Henman''s and that he actually makes it past the semi..."

Bluie

The other one is:

Hope the groom can manage more than 2 strokes 'deuce'

u904

firstly stand up to make the speech, and say this is the 1st seat i've had all day, then bring out a used toilet roll with afew sheets of bum wipe paper still attached, unroll it and say no, tell a lie, it's the 2nd, i got a chance earlier to sit down to write this speach(and pretend to continue the speech from notes written on the bum paper)

should get a few giggles and settle your nerve.

RJM25R

iTrader: (1)

I've done it 3 times now, and was asked to do it a fourth time next June.

I have always brought the house down by using probs (From a photo album to a projector screen, a "little black book" and some fake telegrams, boxes of Viagra!) and involving the "audience" (Like the grandma who pretended to pinch the Viagra box-And shouted "GOT IT CHARLIE!!!" to hr husband!!!!!!!!!!. Once, I spent hours sellotaping embarrasing phot#s of the groom (In a Borat mankini on the stag do to Benidorm!) under the chairs in the room for one of the speeches, and reminiscing on genuine escapades that we got up to. I'm 36 and still hang around in the same circle of half-a-dozen lads that I did when I was 18, so there's never any shortage of gags/stories and I involved a couple of the other lads in the gags. Remember, a load of these people are strangers to you, so you'll only have one chance to impress them, so start off early with a fantastic gag. The best one I used was after thanking people for coming.,

"Unfortunately, the honeymoon to **** is off, and they're going to Wales for two days" and someone (In my case the bride) said "XYZ, whats this cancelled honeymoonabout?" and then I turned to the groom and said "You told us you were going to bangor all weekend?"

I have a draft of the last one I did, if ya want any pointers. . . some fantastic gags in there!!!

Just a sample

"Finally Mikie would like me to thank his beautiful new wife for being here today. Reassuring to know I wasn’t the only one who thought she might not turn up!

Or in mikies case a pint or two, I think it’s fair to say Mikie’s not a big drinker. His mam once said that as a baby, he had a habit of taking half of his bottle, then going straight to sleep

(A habit he still has to this day!)



Anyway, mikie’s drinking. . . . He’s legendary at our local. He’s always said that two or three drinks should be enough for anyone. . . . UNLESS they’re paying!!!!!

To be honest, I’ve still never sussed out that magic ingredient that makes him collapse after 3 pints!

He always says that he only drinks on special occasions, like when someone else is paying!


ONLY last week I asked Mik what he wanted from this marriage that we were helping him plan; he said long lasting love, good health and a family, and of course, Trish. Later that day I asked Trish the same question. She replied: a toaster and a microwave.

Firstly, the seating arrangers. There was a method to where you are seated - the gift list. Mentioning no names, but Sue and Barry at the back, thanks for the candles"

97TURBO

Its from a website and i have got in a speech im doing in a few weeks.