I thought it was a crashing Helicopter....
28 November 2008, 02:36 PM
#1
I thought it was a crashing Helicopter....
I am down in London at the moment working from our offices on Old Street on the fourteenth floor, had a scary moment yesterday,
I am working down here setting up engineering databases and Application servers, sat in a room, fairly boring so to keep awake I end up drinking a lot of coffee and look out of the window at the London skyline.
The coffee needs to come out occasionally so off I went to the loos, as I got to the loos, I could see a Helicopter hovering, not that far from the building, the distinctive noise alerted me to its presence, I thought it was quite close and then noticed a second a bit further away.
I went into the loo and stood at the urinal, I could still hear the heli's, I got down to business and was halfway through when there was the sound of an enormous explosion, very loud, very abrupt and it made me jump, really made me jump and I am not normally a jumpy person but perhaps the coffee coupled with the tiredness had caused it, anyway my confused brain assumed the onslaught was one of the choppers I had seen had crashed into the building or street below or possibly a terrorist attack in the capital somewhere close by, but then I realised that the noise had changed into more of an escaping air type noise, I recognised it as being a fart, a really, really loud fart.
Now I had assumed I was alone in the gents, but I wasnt, I was stood next to an occupied cubicle and the occupier had just emitted the LOUDEST and most agressive fart I have ever heard, no lead in, no "Letting the clutch out" he just let rip, enough to make a grown man jump out of his skin, after the initial startling noise he followed it with a medley of more traditional noises that went on for a minute or so, the machine gun, the squelchy one etc, culmiating in what I can only describe as someone tipping a couple of pounds of rice pudding down a flooded lift shaft
I did think that perhaps someone had deployed one of those fart machines you get as a crap joke present, but I dont think so, unless they have released a premium version with 200 watts RMS, a huge Sub, Dolby Digital surround and high quality samples then I think it was real.
Initally, the shock made me quite angry, people should fart with consideration for delicate, tired and hungover database admistrators but as he finished his repetoire and I had finished my wee, I saw the funny side, I had nearly had a heart attack due to someone farting, I thought it needed some comment and nearly said something but thought better of it so just gave him a round of applause which I hope made him jump as much as I had.
I washed my hands and left the loos (it having gone very quiet now) and went to the brew room and got another coffee (seeing as I was passing), two blokes came in through the entrace, one of these had to be the culprit, a middle aged Indian guy, quite porky but I think the actual **** terrorist was an old Oriental guy, probably less than 5 ft tall and about seven stone, if it was then it was some acheivement, one that could have possible seen him acheive a brief moment of "lift" and I suspect some severe rectal injuries, possibly some lower bodily organs in the pan, in fact I was worried to think people under this much gastro-intestinal pressure are walking around, potentially spontaeneously exploding.
I did end up sat in a meeting grinning stupidly when the boss kept talking about the Oil and "Gas" division and the "Wind Energy" project.
So, be careful out there, watch out for tiny flatulent Ninja's, theyre everywhere.....
I am working down here setting up engineering databases and Application servers, sat in a room, fairly boring so to keep awake I end up drinking a lot of coffee and look out of the window at the London skyline.
The coffee needs to come out occasionally so off I went to the loos, as I got to the loos, I could see a Helicopter hovering, not that far from the building, the distinctive noise alerted me to its presence, I thought it was quite close and then noticed a second a bit further away.
I went into the loo and stood at the urinal, I could still hear the heli's, I got down to business and was halfway through when there was the sound of an enormous explosion, very loud, very abrupt and it made me jump, really made me jump and I am not normally a jumpy person but perhaps the coffee coupled with the tiredness had caused it, anyway my confused brain assumed the onslaught was one of the choppers I had seen had crashed into the building or street below or possibly a terrorist attack in the capital somewhere close by, but then I realised that the noise had changed into more of an escaping air type noise, I recognised it as being a fart, a really, really loud fart.
Now I had assumed I was alone in the gents, but I wasnt, I was stood next to an occupied cubicle and the occupier had just emitted the LOUDEST and most agressive fart I have ever heard, no lead in, no "Letting the clutch out" he just let rip, enough to make a grown man jump out of his skin, after the initial startling noise he followed it with a medley of more traditional noises that went on for a minute or so, the machine gun, the squelchy one etc, culmiating in what I can only describe as someone tipping a couple of pounds of rice pudding down a flooded lift shaft
I did think that perhaps someone had deployed one of those fart machines you get as a crap joke present, but I dont think so, unless they have released a premium version with 200 watts RMS, a huge Sub, Dolby Digital surround and high quality samples then I think it was real.
Initally, the shock made me quite angry, people should fart with consideration for delicate, tired and hungover database admistrators but as he finished his repetoire and I had finished my wee, I saw the funny side, I had nearly had a heart attack due to someone farting, I thought it needed some comment and nearly said something but thought better of it so just gave him a round of applause which I hope made him jump as much as I had.
I washed my hands and left the loos (it having gone very quiet now) and went to the brew room and got another coffee (seeing as I was passing), two blokes came in through the entrace, one of these had to be the culprit, a middle aged Indian guy, quite porky but I think the actual **** terrorist was an old Oriental guy, probably less than 5 ft tall and about seven stone, if it was then it was some acheivement, one that could have possible seen him acheive a brief moment of "lift" and I suspect some severe rectal injuries, possibly some lower bodily organs in the pan, in fact I was worried to think people under this much gastro-intestinal pressure are walking around, potentially spontaeneously exploding.
I did end up sat in a meeting grinning stupidly when the boss kept talking about the Oil and "Gas" division and the "Wind Energy" project.
So, be careful out there, watch out for tiny flatulent Ninja's, theyre everywhere.....
28 November 2008, 02:55 PM
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I am down in London at the moment working from our offices on Old Street on the fourteenth floor, had a scary moment yesterday,
I am working down here setting up engineering databases and Application servers, sat in a room, fairly boring so to keep awake I end up drinking a lot of coffee and look out of the window at the London skyline.
The coffee needs to come out occasionally so off I went to the loos, as I got to the loos, I could see a Helicopter hovering, not that far from the building, the distinctive noise alerted me to its presence, I thought it was quite close and then noticed a second a bit further away.
I went into the loo and stood at the urinal, I could still hear the heli's, I got down to business and was halfway through when there was the sound of an enormous explosion, very loud, very abrupt and it made me jump, really made me jump and I am not normally a jumpy person but perhaps the coffee coupled with the tiredness had caused it, anyway my confused brain assumed the onslaught was one of the choppers I had seen had crashed into the building or street below or possibly a terrorist attack in the capital somewhere close by, but then I realised that the noise had changed into more of an escaping air type noise, I recognised it as being a fart, a really, really loud fart.
Now I had assumed I was alone in the gents, but I wasnt, I was stood next to an occupied cubicle and the occupier had just emitted the LOUDEST and most agressive fart I have ever heard, no lead in, no "Letting the clutch out" he just let rip, enough to make a grown man jump out of his skin, after the initial startling noise he followed it with a medley of more traditional noises that went on for a minute or so, the machine gun, the squelchy one etc, culmiating in what I can only describe as someone tipping a couple of pounds of rice pudding down a flooded lift shaft
I did think that perhaps someone had deployed one of those fart machines you get as a crap joke present, but I dont think so, unless they have released a premium version with 200 watts RMS, a huge Sub, Dolby Digital surround and high quality samples then I think it was real.
Initally, the shock made me quite angry, people should fart with consideration for delicate, tired and hungover database admistrators but as he finished his repetoire and I had finished my wee, I saw the funny side, I had nearly had a heart attack due to someone farting, I thought it needed some comment and nearly said something but thought better of it so just gave him a round of applause which I hope made him jump as much as I had.
I washed my hands and left the loos (it having gone very quiet now) and went to the brew room and got another coffee (seeing as I was passing), two blokes came in through the entrace, one of these had to be the culprit, a middle aged Indian guy, quite porky but I think the actual **** terrorist was an old Oriental guy, probably less than 5 ft tall and about seven stone, if it was then it was some acheivement, one that could have possible seen him acheive a brief moment of "lift" and I suspect some severe rectal injuries, possibly some lower bodily organs in the pan, in fact I was worried to think people under this much gastro-intestinal pressure are walking around, potentially spontaeneously exploding.
I did end up sat in a meeting grinning stupidly when the boss kept talking about the Oil and "Gas" division and the "Wind Energy" project.
So, be careful out there, watch out for tiny flatulent Ninja's, theyre everywhere.....
I am working down here setting up engineering databases and Application servers, sat in a room, fairly boring so to keep awake I end up drinking a lot of coffee and look out of the window at the London skyline.
The coffee needs to come out occasionally so off I went to the loos, as I got to the loos, I could see a Helicopter hovering, not that far from the building, the distinctive noise alerted me to its presence, I thought it was quite close and then noticed a second a bit further away.
I went into the loo and stood at the urinal, I could still hear the heli's, I got down to business and was halfway through when there was the sound of an enormous explosion, very loud, very abrupt and it made me jump, really made me jump and I am not normally a jumpy person but perhaps the coffee coupled with the tiredness had caused it, anyway my confused brain assumed the onslaught was one of the choppers I had seen had crashed into the building or street below or possibly a terrorist attack in the capital somewhere close by, but then I realised that the noise had changed into more of an escaping air type noise, I recognised it as being a fart, a really, really loud fart.
Now I had assumed I was alone in the gents, but I wasnt, I was stood next to an occupied cubicle and the occupier had just emitted the LOUDEST and most agressive fart I have ever heard, no lead in, no "Letting the clutch out" he just let rip, enough to make a grown man jump out of his skin, after the initial startling noise he followed it with a medley of more traditional noises that went on for a minute or so, the machine gun, the squelchy one etc, culmiating in what I can only describe as someone tipping a couple of pounds of rice pudding down a flooded lift shaft
I did think that perhaps someone had deployed one of those fart machines you get as a crap joke present, but I dont think so, unless they have released a premium version with 200 watts RMS, a huge Sub, Dolby Digital surround and high quality samples then I think it was real.
Initally, the shock made me quite angry, people should fart with consideration for delicate, tired and hungover database admistrators but as he finished his repetoire and I had finished my wee, I saw the funny side, I had nearly had a heart attack due to someone farting, I thought it needed some comment and nearly said something but thought better of it so just gave him a round of applause which I hope made him jump as much as I had.
I washed my hands and left the loos (it having gone very quiet now) and went to the brew room and got another coffee (seeing as I was passing), two blokes came in through the entrace, one of these had to be the culprit, a middle aged Indian guy, quite porky but I think the actual **** terrorist was an old Oriental guy, probably less than 5 ft tall and about seven stone, if it was then it was some acheivement, one that could have possible seen him acheive a brief moment of "lift" and I suspect some severe rectal injuries, possibly some lower bodily organs in the pan, in fact I was worried to think people under this much gastro-intestinal pressure are walking around, potentially spontaeneously exploding.
I did end up sat in a meeting grinning stupidly when the boss kept talking about the Oil and "Gas" division and the "Wind Energy" project.
So, be careful out there, watch out for tiny flatulent Ninja's, theyre everywhere.....
Les
Last edited by Leslie; 28 November 2008 at 02:59 PM.
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28 November 2008, 09:43 PM
#9
No, not really, I think its top of the range M and S stuff, with the little red velvet roses....
Garnished with Monster Munch.....
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