A little joke :)
07 August 2008, 04:16 PM
#1
A little joke :)
Since my wii post went down like a lead balloon 
, lets try this one 
Feel free to infract me for such a lame joke
A chinese couple have just given birth to an albino baby for the first time ever.
It just goes to show that 2 Wongs can make a White ...........
* spots a lovely jacket on the stand *
, lets try this one Feel free to infract me for such a lame joke
A chinese couple have just given birth to an albino baby for the first time ever.
It just goes to show that 2 Wongs can make a White ...........
* spots a lovely jacket on the stand *
07 August 2008, 04:22 PM
#4
One for you Tony 
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'
The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'
The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'
The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
'Hello, George! Said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my Ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave soles'
The Aussie said, 'Why can't they ****ing play at night?'
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'
The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'
The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'
The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
'Hello, George! Said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my Ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave soles'
The Aussie said, 'Why can't they ****ing play at night?'
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07 August 2008, 04:38 PM
#10
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I was sat on a bus with a mate and he told me the following joke:
Q: What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
A: Throw in your washing.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit!"
Well we both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
"He choked on a sock!"
Q: What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
A: Throw in your washing.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit!"
Well we both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
"He choked on a sock!"
07 August 2008, 04:40 PM
#11
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07 August 2008, 04:40 PM
#12
I was sat on a bus with a mate and he told me the following joke:
Q: What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
A: Throw in your washing.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit!"
Well we both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
"He choked on a sock!"
Q: What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
A: Throw in your washing.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit!"
Well we both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
"He choked on a sock!"
Bet that was a brown pants moment for a while there tam.
07 August 2008, 04:43 PM
#13
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I was sat on a bus with a mate and he told me the following joke:
Q: What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
A: Throw in your washing.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit!"
Well we both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
"He choked on a sock!"
Q: What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
A: Throw in your washing.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit!"
Well we both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said
"He choked on a sock!"
08 August 2008, 01:57 PM
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Yeah!!A little boy runs up to his mother, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Leaf?"
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
Last edited by Tam the bam; 08 August 2008 at 02:01 PM.
08 August 2008, 08:31 PM
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Yeah!!A little boy runs up to his mother, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Leaf?"
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
A young squaw in the Red Indian settlement was talking to the Big Chief. "Why is my brother called Soaring Eagle", he asked of the chief. "Because when he was born, I looked out of the teepee and saw an eagle, soaring overhead", came the reply.
"So why is my sister called Gentle Bear?" the squaw continuted. "Because when she was born, I looked out of the teepee and saw a bear, gently nurturing it's child", answered the chief. "So tell me, why do you ask, Two Dogs Bonking?"
08 August 2008, 08:35 PM
#20
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Reminds me of this :
A young squaw in the Red Indian settlement was talking to the Big Chief. "Why is my brother called Soaring Eagle", he asked of the chief. "Because when he was born, I looked out of the teepee and saw an eagle, soaring overhead", came the reply.
"So why is my sister called Gentle Bear?" the squaw continuted. "Because when she was born, I looked out of the teepee and saw a bear, gently nurturing it's child", answered the chief. "So tell me, why do you ask, Two Dogs Bonking?"
A young squaw in the Red Indian settlement was talking to the Big Chief. "Why is my brother called Soaring Eagle", he asked of the chief. "Because when he was born, I looked out of the teepee and saw an eagle, soaring overhead", came the reply.
"So why is my sister called Gentle Bear?" the squaw continuted. "Because when she was born, I looked out of the teepee and saw a bear, gently nurturing it's child", answered the chief. "So tell me, why do you ask, Two Dogs Bonking?"
11 August 2008, 03:22 PM
#22
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An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Dublin one afternoon. Walking down Dawson Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
'Fvcking get in there you cvnt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
'Get the fvcking manager of this pigs **** middle class w4nk hole please you cvnt', he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says. 'Yes you can you fat piece of sh1it, I saw your poxy advert in the cvnting window and I'm here to audition.....w4nker.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries...
'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed ****, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the cvnts blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".'
'W4nker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad, which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty tear drops asks him the title.
'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the **** box you get crap on your bell end.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ring piece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'fvck it' says the pianist, 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous
blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him;
'Hi' she says.
'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your **** is hanging out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
'I fvcking wrote it !!!'
'Fvcking get in there you cvnt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
'Get the fvcking manager of this pigs **** middle class w4nk hole please you cvnt', he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says. 'Yes you can you fat piece of sh1it, I saw your poxy advert in the cvnting window and I'm here to audition.....w4nker.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries...
'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed ****, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye, and now the cvnts blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".'
'W4nker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad, which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty tear drops asks him the title.
'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the **** box you get crap on your bell end.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ring piece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'fvck it' says the pianist, 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous
blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him;
'Hi' she says.
'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your **** is hanging out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
'I fvcking wrote it !!!'
11 August 2008, 03:30 PM
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We went on a tour of England and was taken to Runnymede, the guide told us it was where the barons made King John sign the Magna Carta.
I asked the guide when this happened, and he repied "1215"
An American piped up from the back, "God damn it Honey, we've missed it by half an hour."
I asked the guide when this happened, and he repied "1215"
An American piped up from the back, "God damn it Honey, we've missed it by half an hour."
12 August 2008, 05:00 PM
#28
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Women. They are confusing creatures, eh?
My wife suggested "spicing up" our sex life. But when I suggested to have a threesome with the girl next door, she was disgusted and threw me out.
Personally, I don't see the problem. She was the one who said the girl next door was "cute" whilst we were babysitting.
-----------------------------------
Ns04
My wife suggested "spicing up" our sex life. But when I suggested to have a threesome with the girl next door, she was disgusted and threw me out.
Personally, I don't see the problem. She was the one who said the girl next door was "cute" whilst we were babysitting.
-----------------------------------
Ns04
12 August 2008, 05:18 PM
#30
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a blind man went for a job in a wood yard, saying he could identify wood just by smell alone. they tested him on all types, blindfolded, and he guesses them all correctly.
to try and catch him out, they got the secretary to lay there naked.
he had a sniff, then asked if it could be turned over.... he had another sniff.
cant fool me, he said, its an old S*** house door off a fishing boat!!!!
to try and catch him out, they got the secretary to lay there naked.
he had a sniff, then asked if it could be turned over.... he had another sniff.
cant fool me, he said, its an old S*** house door off a fishing boat!!!!
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