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Old 18 July 2008, 03:33 PM
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SwissTony
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Default Rules for Lads. Updated

“LAD" Rules:



1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.



2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.



3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.



4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.



5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.

However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.



6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.



7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.



8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing.



9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.



10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.



11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.



12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.



13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.



14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.



15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.



16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.



17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.



18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.



19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.



20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.



21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.

Hang up if necessary.



22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend'

have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.



23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.



24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.



25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 End of story.



26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.



27: We've all heard about people having guts or *****. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:



'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'



'*****' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the *** and having the ***** to say, 'You're next fatty!'



I hope this clears up any confusion.
Old 18 July 2008, 03:35 PM
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........ there are no rules
Old 18 July 2008, 04:34 PM
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Leslie
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Did you really compose all that Swiss? First time I have seen the real definition of strong and weak bladders!

Les
Old 18 July 2008, 04:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Leslie
Did you really compose all that Swiss? First time I have seen the real definition of strong and weak bladders!

Les
Of course not, it was written by a chap in 1984 who is unfortunately no longer with us after a nasty accident involving his wife and a broom
Old 18 July 2008, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Leslie
Did you really compose all that Swiss? First time I have seen the real definition of strong and weak bladders!

Les
Swiss couldn't compose himself, let alone all that
Old 18 July 2008, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by SwissTony
“LAD" Rules:


4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
Cough cough cough!!!!!!!
Old 18 July 2008, 04:46 PM
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Originally Posted by rallychick
Cough cough cough!!!!!!!
Oh dear, it would appear that young Swisstopher is breaking his own rules here

You know what to do to make it right don't you Swissy?
Old 18 July 2008, 04:48 PM
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Originally Posted by SwissTony
“LAD" Rules:


4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
Especially if that guy happens to be your long lost bother!!

YouTube - Dueling Banjos
Old 18 July 2008, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Scoobychick
Oh dear, it would appear that young Swisstopher is breaking his own rules here

You know what to do to make it right don't you Swissy?
Indeed he does Sal, Indeed he does!

http://www.conartists.co.nz/corporat...%20Wedding.JPG



Ns04
Old 18 July 2008, 05:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Scoobychick
Oh dear, it would appear that young Swisstopher is breaking his own rules here

You know what to do to make it right don't you Swissy?
shuttit
Old 18 July 2008, 05:05 PM
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Originally Posted by rallychick
Cough cough cough!!!!!!!
Oh hello dear, didnt notice you there
Old 18 July 2008, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by SwissTony
Oh hello dear, didnt notice you there


Old 18 July 2008, 07:22 PM
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rallychick
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Ha ha ha!!!! You can run swiss but you cant hide!
Old 18 July 2008, 07:28 PM
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Polish up my trainers darling
Old 19 July 2008, 12:24 PM
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I've seen people get strung up before but.......!

Les

Hell-I'm missing qualifying!!!

Last edited by Leslie; 19 July 2008 at 12:26 PM.
Old 19 July 2008, 02:35 PM
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Swiss, youve made my day with that list !!

Q U A L I T Y
Old 19 July 2008, 02:45 PM
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So Swissy, when is the wedding?
Old 19 July 2008, 11:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Scoobychick
So Swissy, when is the wedding?
He is ignoring us! Ha ha! POOF!!!!!!!!
Old 19 July 2008, 11:36 PM
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cruel *******s,cant ye see how scared that mouse is..id kick them blinking cats in the fooking jacksy,and send em to bed without supper (FELIX) QUICK MOUSE RUN RUNNNNNN you can make it safety....RUNN your fooking *** off
Old 20 July 2008, 12:37 AM
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cats FTW!
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