Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

Okay so we've got this mad **** cat that likes to go hunting. He's brought back every size of bird imaginable, we've had gutted blackbirds, sparrows, robins whatever. We've had dead birds left in the living room more times than I care to imagine and we've had live birds belting around the house in a mad panic chased by this insane frigging cat trying to get hold of them to 'play' some more.

I was down in London this week and today got a text from my wife letting me know that we had another flaming bird bouncing around the living / dining rooms 'cos the cat brought his fun home.

It turns out this little feathered freak was barely more than a baby and couldn't really fly too well, so he's bouncing off the floor but not able to get much air speed up. He's bouncing off the walls, the furniture, the floor but really not going too far.

My wife has flung the cat into the utility room and locked the door - he's going berserk in there - launching at the door and scratching the crap out of it trying to get this juvenile jumping jackass jackdaw (okay it WASN'T a jackdaw but I got carried away with the alliteration )

My wife is a wuss - let's get this clear right now. Anything wild and moving and she freaks. It's a source of constant amusement for me - I can't help it, watching her screaming her **** off (size F ) at some harmless furry friend has me needing Oxygen every time)

So she's faced with this baby bird tweeting like crazy and literally bouncing off the walls / furniture and she's squealing like a stuck pig herself. What to do to capture the feathered freak?

She gets a towel and throws it over the bird on one of it's short sojourns on the floor. Not sure she's got it... she goes to pick up the towel and all of sudden it starts bouncing across the living room tweeting as it goes! She's managed to throw the towel over the little feathered freedom fighter and it's STILL running for freedom. Only with a kitchen towel on it's head it can't get much more than 1/2 an inch off the floor.

We now have my wife... squealing. The cat attacking the door determined to get to its new toy, and the new toy boinging merrily along the floor tweeting like billy-o trying to find the way out.

Wifelet grabs the towel and wraps up the bird in it. Can't go through the kitchen to the utility room as the pyscho cat from hell is in there and that crazy little sod is likely to launch at ANYTHING moving the moment the door opens.... so dining room / conservatory is the answer.

Lisa (wife) shakes the towel out into the patio and the little bird is now free! yay!

Erm... not quite.

The daft little **** is confused / disorientated and stupid.

It cheaps, chirps and starts trying to fly off.. only it's young and can't really fly too well.... so it does that walking backward thing that toddlers do and promptly backflips into the drain.

I kid you not. My wife is now faced with this echoing (and apparently frantic) chirp from the drain.

Can't pull it out as it's not far off the width off the drain so her hand can't fit.... it's trying to fly out but you can imagine what good this was doing - all it's managing is to stir up the leaves / sh*t / dirt and water floating down there.

Finally she has a brain wave and if anyone was on the 14:25 out of St Pancras and heard a bloke crying with laughter this is why:

I got the following text:

"I got the bird out of the drain. Fished it out with a spoon"



Poor bloody woman sat next to me... I had to explain what was going on... I told the story and then showed her the text - so the pair of us of are rolling around.

Good end to the week that was.

SteveCMY97

iTrader: (1)

"I got the bird out of the drain. Fished it out with a spoon"


FPMSL at that

Lee247

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

lol so did the poor little thing survive then ?

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

Lisa asked that late last night and we concluded that it's either got away or pyscho cat from hell polished it off... we can't find anything outside, and the ginger nutter (presently asleep on the bed and looking cute) usually leaves something... we have a blackbird head lying on the patio at the moment... It looks like a scene out of The Catfather

gpssti4

iTrader: (6)

Quality

My cat is so stupid that it once caught a pigion and left it in my living room - alive and unhurt.

The cat was in hiding (scared sh!tless) as the bird was flapping around the room.

I had to remove a mad pigion and then kick the cat out.

Yours sounds more 'fun'!

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

I've come home to find what looks like an explosion in a feather factory before - no bird, just EVERY feather from said bird spread evenly over everything.

I've also heard the ginger and white psycho come in the house and happily wander 'round the corner with a semi-dead bird in his gob.

I won't mention the mice we find hidden in interesting places either.

Oh yeah, and he eats spiders

oldsplice

exvaux

iTrader: (1)

used to have pigeons that would roost on the gutter pipe outside my bathroom window,was woken up at 3 am one morning when my cat decided to bring me a present and left the pigeon on my pillow.Not a very pleasant feeling a pigeon in its last throws of life in the dark flapping in your face at 3 am suffice to say made sure the bathroom window was always locked at night

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

This is only a suggestion.. but have you tried feeding it ?

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

Kieran, do you rent him out for spider eating duties? He could feast for weeks here

We've got ducks too, has he ever tried tackling one of those?

CrisPDuk

This one does ducks




For everything else, Magpies, Squirrels, Pigeons, Moles, etc, we use this



One night on my way out to the bins, I once stuck my unshod foot right into a disembowelled magpie that she'd left out on our patio

oldsplice

Your cat is a dead ringer for Flora next door!

And Rosie (see earlier pic post) does spiders and big fat flies......eeeuuuuwww!

Petem95

Sounds like you need to put the cat down and give the poor wild-life a chance

AllanB

My cats been working its way up over the past few months starting off with moths, beetles, frogs, sparrows, thrush, pigeon and now up to squirrel which is quite impressive.

I've heard a great deal of dog barking about 2 weeks ago and am sure the cat was trying to take on a dog. A small one it would probably have even though dragging it back may be tricky.


AllanB

Major_Sarcasm

iTrader: (27)

One of my idiot cats likes to bring in frogs and worms (unhurt). Unfortunately, if we didn't see him bring the frogs in, they make for somewhere dark, dry up and die. And because they dry out, they don't smell.

In our old house, the guy came round to install the satellite dish and sky box and found two dead frogs under the tv stand

Very embarrassing.

oldsplice

Years ago a chum of mine found a dried up frog in one of her shoes when she went to put it on!

Tam the bam

I'd have slapped the old bugger and told him to **** off back to France!

@ the op's story

rob4620

I to have a murderous mental cat, we live right in the sticks and he just has a field day. live mice into the bed, birds flying around the house, squrriels hiding under the sofa rabbits making mad dashes for freedom in the garage it never ends. I manage to save most of them as he always brings them in alive to impress us with his hunting skills, but the sulk he has after you take away his prey has to be seen to be belived, a proper strop that my missus would be proud of. He's only young so not fully grown but I did see him chasing a fully grown hare the other day so god knows whats coming through the cat flap with him next.

I just can't get angry with him though he's too funny.

oldsplice

Another ginge!

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

Have a look at our monster being cute then (if'n you like the ginger moggies - Mork even has ginger eyes!)

oldsplice

Aaaaahhhhhhhh................

The pic of ours (post 8) is when she's being good!

CrisPDuk

She's also a ringer for a couple of cats on our road

More than once I've unsuccessfully tried getting the neighbour's cat to come in at night, only to then find Tiddles already spark out in the spare room

A guy I used to work with once totally refused to accept that she was cabable of winning a fight with a squirrel, so I took the remains of the next couple I found in to work and left them on his desk

Spoon

Lisa and I are having the biggest laugh at her mistake on the text.
I was glad to help for a go on those F's.

oldsplice

This is Rosie 'seeing off' one of our squirrels.
It's not a very clear photo, but it was taken from the back bedroom window.



She sits on the shed roof for ages waiting for them to turn up and then they just completely ignore her and go straight past her to get to their feeder. Last year when the youngsters came out, one was trying to play with her tail while another went past her nose to get to the nuts. Cheeky buggers!