You can always spot the new boy :)
26 June 2008, 11:46 AM
#5
NO....I feel insulted (or insulated 
) at that remark 
I know, I know..I havent been posting funny stuff for ages. Too busy
Though I did buy a new strimmer this week
Okay just for you Les
"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman, walking up to the counter.
The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"
"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?" demanded the Irishman indignantly.
"Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"
Then, warming to his theme, he went on: "Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?"
"Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
The assistant said: "Well, no."
"And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was French?"
"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
"Well no, I probably wouldn't" conceded the assistant.
The Irishman says: "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish
just because I asked for Irish sausages?"
The assistant replied: "Because you're in fecking Homebase
) at that remark I know, I know..I havent been posting funny stuff for ages. Too busy
Though I did buy a new strimmer this week
Okay just for you Les
"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman, walking up to the counter.
The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"
"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?" demanded the Irishman indignantly.
"Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"
Then, warming to his theme, he went on: "Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?"
"Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
The assistant said: "Well, no."
"And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was French?"
"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
"Well no, I probably wouldn't" conceded the assistant.
The Irishman says: "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish
just because I asked for Irish sausages?"
The assistant replied: "Because you're in fecking Homebase
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26 June 2008, 12:24 PM
#9
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"Won't you kiss me, Doctor," asks a beautiful woman.
"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor.
"Please just one kiss," begs the woman.
"It's completely out of the question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."
--------------
Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C,"he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."
-------------
A man was in a terrible accident, and his ***** was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
"She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
-----------------
An old man goes to the doctor's, he walks into the busy waiting room, goes up to the desk, and says to the lady receptionist, "Can I please see the doctor?"
"Certainly, sir," she says. "What is it about?"
"I've got a problem with my dick."
A few stifled chuckles spread round the room, the receptionist is obviously slightly embarrassed and flustered. "Sir, I would advise that you do not speak like that in such a public place."
The old man is indignant. "If you don't want an embarrassing answer, you shouldn't ask embarrassing questions," he says.
"But sir, surely it would make sense just to make up a problem, and then tell the doctor the real problem when you see him. Say it's a problem with your ear or something. It would cause much less embarrassment."
"Ok, I take your point," the man says.
The receptionist continues, "Shall we start again?"
"Can I please see the doctor?" The man requests.
"Certainly, sir," she says. "What is it about?"
"I have a problem with my ear."
"Uh-huh, and what is the problem?"
"I can't **** out of it!"
"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor.
"Please just one kiss," begs the woman.
"It's completely out of the question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."
--------------
Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C,"he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."
-------------
A man was in a terrible accident, and his ***** was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
"She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
-----------------
An old man goes to the doctor's, he walks into the busy waiting room, goes up to the desk, and says to the lady receptionist, "Can I please see the doctor?"
"Certainly, sir," she says. "What is it about?"
"I've got a problem with my dick."
A few stifled chuckles spread round the room, the receptionist is obviously slightly embarrassed and flustered. "Sir, I would advise that you do not speak like that in such a public place."
The old man is indignant. "If you don't want an embarrassing answer, you shouldn't ask embarrassing questions," he says.
"But sir, surely it would make sense just to make up a problem, and then tell the doctor the real problem when you see him. Say it's a problem with your ear or something. It would cause much less embarrassment."
"Ok, I take your point," the man says.
The receptionist continues, "Shall we start again?"
"Can I please see the doctor?" The man requests.
"Certainly, sir," she says. "What is it about?"
"I have a problem with my ear."
"Uh-huh, and what is the problem?"
"I can't **** out of it!"
26 June 2008, 01:14 PM
#11
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Bit near the mark this one, but hey, what did you expect from me! 
Doctors claim to have found a cure for the common cold. They inject you with Parkinson's, then you should be able to shake it off in a week.
---------
A man ended up in a hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a toy horse lodged in his ****. The doctors have described his condition as stable.
----------------
Two doctors are having sex. He says to her you must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after. She replies well you must be an anaesthetist because I didn't feel a ****ing thing.
--------------
A man went to the doctors and said " i think i have an hereditary problem"
Doctor says, "what"?
man says, "Diorreah"
Doctor says "thats not hereditary"
man says "well its in my jeans"
Doctors claim to have found a cure for the common cold. They inject you with Parkinson's, then you should be able to shake it off in a week.
---------
A man ended up in a hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a toy horse lodged in his ****. The doctors have described his condition as stable.
----------------
Two doctors are having sex. He says to her you must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after. She replies well you must be an anaesthetist because I didn't feel a ****ing thing.
--------------
A man went to the doctors and said " i think i have an hereditary problem"
Doctor says, "what"?
man says, "Diorreah"
Doctor says "thats not hereditary"
man says "well its in my jeans"
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