warrenm2

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhhh. I see the f ***-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a sh*t.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?

24. Do I look like a f****** people person to you?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.

31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........

32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.

33. Can I swap this job for what's behind door .........1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.

39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.

40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

41. Aren't you a black hole of need.

42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

44. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

45. If you have something to say raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.

46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?

47. Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.

48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.

49. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.

50. You are as pretty as a picture, I'd really like to hang you.

51. Don't believe everything you think.

52. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.

RMA26

davegtt

I must admit Ive actually come out with a few of those before but everyone here knows Im a sarcastic ba$tard so get away with it

RMA26

You? Sarcastic? NEVER

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

stilover

53. I've just won the Lottery. **** the lot of ya.

Conscious

this could be fun, as my boss could be on here now.so lets start with get your lazy ar*e off scoobynet and do some work in the workshop.stop down loading ****,films,music on the firms pc and when the head boss from head office turns up and get wind off it.you get let some one else loose their job over it cu*t
stop doing home work jobs and side line jobs in firms time and then when the time on jobs goes through the roof.you've got the nerve to blame everybody else
when you have a day off stop booking that you were at work.we know of 5 day that you've done it this year.
and when i get another job i'll be making sure head office know all about it.



and relax

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Seriously - can you imagine the consequences of actually saying this?

"Police are investigating a small thermo-nuclear explosion which destroyed the offices of xxx. Sources state that ground zero was apparently a woman with PMT and no chocolate"

renny

iTrader: (2)

Wish i could get away with saying half those things with the halfwits i work with.

No.54 You're just a fecking **** now **** off.

mike h

iTrader: (10)

Going to have to put them on my business plan, and seems as there are 52 my target is to use one a week!

Sonic'

Ive said pretty much most of those too, everyone in w*rk knows Im a funny **** so I can get away with it most of the time

oldsplice

Lisawrx and I would like to add..............'Well f*** off to Tesco's then!'

ScoobyWon't

My most famous quote was Happy new year. Here's my 28 days notice".

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Oh how I wish.

ScoobyWon't

If we genuinely cared about the customer, we'd send them somewhere better

Will

.55 ( if a handy bird works with you ) i would like to bang you. lol

rob878

As my mate once said to a customer after weeks of explaining that the data warehousing software he was using wouldn't work as the system wasn't up to spec to operate it.

John
"take the disk out of the computer put it in the box it came in. Delete all the files associated with it then send the disks back to us"

Customer

"will this get the system working as it should?"

John

"no but it'll stop you annoying me daily, as clearly you're too thick to comprehend what I have been trying to tell you for the last few weeks"

If it was me at my work talking like this I would have been b*llocked, he got promoted 2 weeks later.

oldsplice

You have no idea HOW close I came today! .......probably because I'm de-mob happy, as I'm on hols for the next two weeks!

ScoobyWon't

Do it, get the boot, then have an extended holiday