Odds on

Old man back from Thailand with his new Thai bride.

Lying in bed, the Thai bride is playing with his manhood, slowly up and down,
and the old boy says 'You must love that, you haven't left it alone, since we got back.'

The bride replied, 'Not really, I just miss mine.'

SiPie

That's even older than me

Tidgy

lol, was gonna say thats about as old as a horse drawn carrage lol

still brings a smile though,,,,, the joke, not the thai bride lol

Odds on

Ah well. Win some, you lose some.

Just need to win some really.

Here's another old one for you that still made me laugh....



When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,

and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

"Tarzan not know sex" he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said "Oh, Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show
you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and lay down
on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must
put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, showing Jane his considerable
manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed "What did you
do that for?"

Tarzan replied, "check for squirrel."

Tidgy

that ones almost as old as the first one pmsl

SiPie

That's better

Tidgy

When you occasionally have a really bad day - remember this ,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on
someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk,
when I remembered a phone call that
I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a maniac voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!"

and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone
could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone,
I yelled, "You're an *******!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word '*******' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an *******!"
It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic '*******' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an *******!", and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW *******, too.)

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening, after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an *******!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two ******** to call.

Then, I came up with an idea.

I called ******* #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an *******!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "*******, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******," and hung up.

Then I called ******* #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, *******,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out wh o you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ***,"

I answered, "Well , *******, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then, I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there just in time to watch two ******** beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW, I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

Odds on

That was old by the time I finished reading it.

Tidgy

pmsl