Do I have the legal right ?
18 January 2008, 05:20 PM
#1
Do I have the legal right ?
Got divored a few years ago ( 
)
Pay maintenance to ex-bitch ..wife for our two lads, £x a month.
Now I also increase this amount per year in line with inflation.
Things are up and down, depending on her moods/boyfriends etc, but my main beef is what does she exactly us my maintenance for ?
I can appreciate that it will go towards clothing, food, heating, electricity etc, but it seems she is always out of pocket every month, says she is poor all the time and I dont see the kids in new clothes every month.
I do however see a huge pile of wine bottles outside her house and she always looks nicely dressed etc.
So........do I have a legal right to enquire and have detailed what she spends my £x amount on ?
)Pay maintenance to ex-bitch ..wife for our two lads, £x a month.
Now I also increase this amount per year in line with inflation.
Things are up and down, depending on her moods/boyfriends etc, but my main beef is what does she exactly us my maintenance for ?
I can appreciate that it will go towards clothing, food, heating, electricity etc, but it seems she is always out of pocket every month, says she is poor all the time and I dont see the kids in new clothes every month.
I do however see a huge pile of wine bottles outside her house and she always looks nicely dressed etc.
So........do I have a legal right to enquire and have detailed what she spends my £x amount on ?
18 January 2008, 05:23 PM
#3
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18 January 2008, 05:25 PM
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Nope sadly
you have no say in where the money goes, if you have the kids overnight at least one night a week, you can get a reduction in payments
If she re-marries doesn't her maintenance stop ?
If you have any more kids the amount of maintenance to her may drop too, not sure if you regularly buy them clothes etc you may get a reduction too
you have no say in where the money goes, if you have the kids overnight at least one night a week, you can get a reduction in payments
If she re-marries doesn't her maintenance stop ?
If you have any more kids the amount of maintenance to her may drop too, not sure if you regularly buy them clothes etc you may get a reduction too
18 January 2008, 05:28 PM
#5
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As already posted you have no say in where your money goes.
I have my son 2 nights a week and he always comes on holiday with my wife and other children, this entitles me to a reduction in my payments due to the amount of days in a year he spends with me.
Ex partners ehh, dont you just love them.
I have my son 2 nights a week and he always comes on holiday with my wife and other children, this entitles me to a reduction in my payments due to the amount of days in a year he spends with me.
Ex partners ehh, dont you just love them.
18 January 2008, 05:29 PM
#6
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It makes no differenceif she remarries or not!
It is more than 1 night a week to reduce payments!
Also you need to have full time responsibility for another child in your household for a reduction (about 10%iirc)
hth
It is more than 1 night a week to reduce payments!
Also you need to have full time responsibility for another child in your household for a reduction (about 10%iirc)
hth
18 January 2008, 05:37 PM
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Having kids with someone else will reduce your payments to one mother, as payments would be spread across both mothers
IIRC it has to be 52 nights a year or more, to recude the payments, so not necessarliy 1 night a week, as long as the number of days equals more than 52
I always thought that if you pay maintence to an ex, then as soon as they remarry you stop, as they are then provided for by someone else
Otherwise when would you stop payment maintenance?, when the ex dies ?
IIRC it has to be 52 nights a year or more, to recude the payments, so not necessarliy 1 night a week, as long as the number of days equals more than 52
I always thought that if you pay maintence to an ex, then as soon as they remarry you stop, as they are then provided for by someone else
Otherwise when would you stop payment maintenance?, when the ex dies ?
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18 January 2008, 05:41 PM
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I don't get much maintenance and if my ex asked where it all went, I would tell him to get stuffed. Bringing up a child costs alot of money which I would say is not all covered by the pittance I get from him.
18 January 2008, 05:43 PM
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18 January 2008, 05:43 PM
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Having kids with someone else will reduce your payments to one mother, as payments would be spread across both mothers
IIRC it has to be 52 nights a year or more, to recude the payments, so not necessarliy 1 night a week, as long as the number of days equals more than 52
I always thought that if you pay maintence to an ex, then as soon as they remarry you stop, as they are then provided for by someone else
Otherwise when would you stop payment maintenance?, when the ex dies ?
IIRC it has to be 52 nights a year or more, to recude the payments, so not necessarliy 1 night a week, as long as the number of days equals more than 52
I always thought that if you pay maintence to an ex, then as soon as they remarry you stop, as they are then provided for by someone else
Otherwise when would you stop payment maintenance?, when the ex dies ?
when the child leaves full time education or is 21 whichever the sooner
18 January 2008, 05:44 PM
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Does she drink more than two bottles of wine a week? Maybe you should get evidence and ask for a review based on the fact she is spanking away all the maintenance on her alcohol problem
18 January 2008, 05:45 PM
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18 January 2008, 05:45 PM
#13
bloody hell 
Thing is I never questioned her ability to look after them at all, I always knew she was a good mum. But lately I am getting cheesed off with her demands for me to pay for stuff, coupled with her mounting EU wine mountain.
I have the boys every wednesday night and take them to school in the morning. then every other friday I pick them up and drop them back on sunday evening, 6.30 to 6.30.
they come on holiday with me, school holidays thye are with me for at least a week or more over the year.
So I do have them overnight for quite a bit of time a year.
Does that mean, that although I have no bloody right to ask her where my money goes, I may be able to reduce it ?
Thing is I never questioned her ability to look after them at all, I always knew she was a good mum. But lately I am getting cheesed off with her demands for me to pay for stuff, coupled with her mounting EU wine mountain.
I have the boys every wednesday night and take them to school in the morning. then every other friday I pick them up and drop them back on sunday evening, 6.30 to 6.30.
they come on holiday with me, school holidays thye are with me for at least a week or more over the year.
So I do have them overnight for quite a bit of time a year.
Does that mean, that although I have no bloody right to ask her where my money goes, I may be able to reduce it ?
18 January 2008, 05:47 PM
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bloody hell
Thing is I never questioned her ability to look after them at all, I always knew she was a good mum. But lately I am getting cheesed off with her demands for me to pay for stuff, coupled with her mounting EU wine mountain.
I have the boys every wednesday night and take them to school in the morning. then every other friday I pick them up and drop them back on sunday evening, 6.30 to 6.30.
they come on holiday with me, school holidays thye are with me for at least a week or more over the year.
So I do have them overnight for quite a bit of time a year.
Does that mean, that although I have no bloody right to ask her where my money goes, I may be able to reduce it ?
Thing is I never questioned her ability to look after them at all, I always knew she was a good mum. But lately I am getting cheesed off with her demands for me to pay for stuff, coupled with her mounting EU wine mountain.
I have the boys every wednesday night and take them to school in the morning. then every other friday I pick them up and drop them back on sunday evening, 6.30 to 6.30.
they come on holiday with me, school holidays thye are with me for at least a week or more over the year.
So I do have them overnight for quite a bit of time a year.
Does that mean, that although I have no bloody right to ask her where my money goes, I may be able to reduce it ?
18 January 2008, 05:47 PM
#15
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Swiss, is it done through the CSA?
If so you have no chance of getting reduced, they only ever take more if needed. So be carefull about asking them to reopen a case
If so you have no chance of getting reduced, they only ever take more if needed. So be carefull about asking them to reopen a case
18 January 2008, 05:52 PM
#18
Ah bugger it, I am not going to be secretive, I pay her £422 per month for both boys.
but now I am starting to question just where all this money goes thats all.
Also I am getting a bit fed up with the fact that ,although she drives and works, I am the one who does all the picking up and dropping off of the boys.
She wont even pick them up one time and has made threats along the lines of
"if you dont pick them up, you dont get to see them "
18 January 2008, 05:54 PM
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no, it was something we arranged at the start of our divorce. Didnt want to get the CSA involved at all. I thought it was fair (ish) at the time.
Ah bugger it, I am not going to be secretive, I pay her £422 per month for both boys.
but now I am starting to question just where all this money goes thats all.
Also I am getting a bit fed up with the fact that ,although she drives and works, I am the one who does all the picking up and dropping off of the boys.
She wont even pick them up one time and has made threats along the lines of
"if you dont pick them up, you dont get to see them "
Ah bugger it, I am not going to be secretive, I pay her £422 per month for both boys.
but now I am starting to question just where all this money goes thats all.
Also I am getting a bit fed up with the fact that ,although she drives and works, I am the one who does all the picking up and dropping off of the boys.
She wont even pick them up one time and has made threats along the lines of
"if you dont pick them up, you dont get to see them "
Call her bluff, she'll crack as she needs you more than you need her...
18 January 2008, 05:58 PM
#21
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no, it was something we arranged at the start of our divorce. Didnt want to get the CSA involved at all. I thought it was fair (ish) at the time.
Ah bugger it, I am not going to be secretive, I pay her £422 per month for both boys.
but now I am starting to question just where all this money goes thats all.
Also I am getting a bit fed up with the fact that ,although she drives and works, I am the one who does all the picking up and dropping off of the boys.
She wont even pick them up one time and has made threats along the lines of
"if you dont pick them up, you dont get to see them "
Ah bugger it, I am not going to be secretive, I pay her £422 per month for both boys.
but now I am starting to question just where all this money goes thats all.
Also I am getting a bit fed up with the fact that ,although she drives and works, I am the one who does all the picking up and dropping off of the boys.
She wont even pick them up one time and has made threats along the lines of
"if you dont pick them up, you dont get to see them "
Im in the same boat regarding the dropping off and picking up, really annoys me that does, well mate for just the one child I pay £22 a month less that you so your not doing too bad
18 January 2008, 06:01 PM
#22
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Just read that Spousal maintenance usually stops once the recipient re co habits
Nothing to do with the children, as that is completly seperate
18 January 2008, 06:02 PM
#23
I dont want to jeopardise my ability to see the kids, but at the same time I dont want to taken for a mug (which is what I feel right now)
Its trying to strike the right balance.Something she is not prepared to do it seems.
oh and on top of all that, we split costs for all the extra curricular activities the boys do.
18 January 2008, 06:08 PM
#25
The bloody picking up and dropping off is now after 2 1/2 years starting to really get on my ****
why cant she just pick them up on sunday night ?
18 January 2008, 06:11 PM
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yes it is affecting home life to a degree as my g/f is annoyed at the current situation and also thinks the ex is pissing me about.
I dont want to jeopardise my ability to see the kids, but at the same time I dont want to taken for a mug (which is what I feel right now)
Its trying to strike the right balance.Something she is not prepared to do it seems.
oh and on top of all that, we split costs for all the extra curricular activities the boys do.
I dont want to jeopardise my ability to see the kids, but at the same time I dont want to taken for a mug (which is what I feel right now)
Its trying to strike the right balance.Something she is not prepared to do it seems.
oh and on top of all that, we split costs for all the extra curricular activities the boys do.
You need to move away slightly from being the ex's bank and taxi... it's in both your interests long term to do this, as it will help create some independence for you both from each other, which by the sound of it you really need.
They will always be your kids swiss, but you really don't need to bend over back wards to prove it to her or them. She's like a puppy that's pee'd on the floor... and she needs that smack to realise what's what....
PS- I don't actually mean a physical smack
Last edited by DCI Gene Hunt; 18 January 2008 at 06:13 PM.
18 January 2008, 06:12 PM
#29
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cookie, I see your point, but apparently under csa guidelines, the costs involved do not double on the 2nd..more a proportion increase.
The bloody picking up and dropping off is now after 2 1/2 years starting to really get on my ****
why cant she just pick them up on sunday night ?
The bloody picking up and dropping off is now after 2 1/2 years starting to really get on my ****
why cant she just pick them up on sunday night ?
CSA guidlines
1 child 15% take home pay
2 children 20% take home pay
3 or more childred 25% of take home pay
This can be split if the children are with different mothers, however will never increas (in total( to the above amount,
There are certain other factors as you know re: living with other children to reduce payments (very slightly)
18 January 2008, 06:15 PM
#30
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CSA guidlines
1 child 15% take home pay
2 children 20% take home pay
3 or more childred 25% of take home pay
This can be split if the children are with different mothers, however will never increas (in total( to the above amount,
There are certain other factors as you know re: living with other children to reduce payments (very slightly)
1 child 15% take home pay
2 children 20% take home pay
3 or more childred 25% of take home pay
This can be split if the children are with different mothers, however will never increas (in total( to the above amount,
There are certain other factors as you know re: living with other children to reduce payments (very slightly)