little-ginge

Right, it's been a crappy christmas, and an even crappier new year so far.. to cut a long story short, my nan-in-law had a fall at home the week before Christmas, and was hospitalised.

Since then she has been diagnosed as having had a series of mini strokes, and as a result acute onset dementia has developed.

We have been advised that before she can even think of coming home, Social Service will need to come and look at the house to advise of adaptations etc - but today we were told that she would no longer be safe to use the stairs - even with a carer ( making things a bit tricky as the bathroom and bedroom are all up there).

Does anyone have any experience of anyone in a similar situation i.e OAP's who can't come home until their house has been made safe/safer..

or maybe just advice on stairlifts etc? I have feeling Social Services might not stretch to such an adaptation, and we were thinking this might be something to bear in mind for when she comes out. Have had alook on Stannah Stairlifts website, but they don't quote prices etc..

Thanks in advance

LG.

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

YHPM

The Zohan

Hi Mate, sorry to hear this, it can be very stressful.

FWIW - reading you post perhaps sheltered accommodation would be a better option, churches riuns schemes as well as councils, with Dementia as well as physical problems she may well need more that just help getting up and down stairs, suddenly just making a cup of tea can be a dangerous task, cooking etc could be very hazzardous.

Google dimentia and also talk to your/her GPO about it and the implications, you and she may feel she needs her indepenfdance - it may be a good thing but it may not be what she really needs right now.

Hope the abouve is of hlep, it is in no way a dig.

My mother lives in sheltered accomms and suffers from Bi-Polar disorder and has suffered some mini strokes so i do know a bit.

Enigma

Each local council is different as to what they will or wont fund. However as a rule if the cost of providing support for someone at home exceeds the cost of placing someone in care then they wont fund it. It's very unlikely that they'll fund a stairlift. Usually an assessment officer or social worker is allocated whilst in hospital and they will undertake a community care assessment to decide what support needs to be in place before a patient can be discharged. If your nan has been diagnosed with dementia, it may well be worth your while requesting an assessment from a community psychiatric nurse (CPN) as they may be able to offer additional support. If you need any more info give me a shout as I work as a CPN with the elderly.

Just to add if you do make any alterations to your house to accommodate a bathroom downstairs then you will be entitled to a reduction in your council tax (it has to be done due to health reasons and the council will require a letter to confirm this from a nurse or GP)

little-ginge

Scoobychick - YHPM back

Paul - Thanks for the thoughts. My Grandad-in-law is still fit and healthy, and is willing to care for his wife at home ( although it may prove too much).
We just want to get her home ASAP - but until the assessment has taken place and we have everything she needs it is not viable - which is why I am probably jumping the gun with ideas about stairlifts etc, but I feel so useless atm..

little-ginge

Good info - thank you!

worley

My Father had a stroke last Christmas at the age of 71 - it's been a learning experience for everyone - maybe I can share some experiences.

The local social services provided a half-way-house between hospital care (where he was for 3 months) and getting back in the family home (where my Mother and Father now live). The half-way-house consisted of 16 weeks of care which was far better than the Hospital IMO. During this period he had to learn to adapt to his new life of paralysis and dependancy on others.

The local council through occupation health visited the family home and provided advice on hand-rails, ramps and stair access. However, they only provided the hand-rails and their advice on accessing upstairs involved some convoluted plan on getting a lift made in 18-months time.

The louder you shout the more you get and not being patient with the whole situation of dealing with endless advisers and few doers, I ended up doing it myself.

A downstairs coal-shed was converted into a small toilet (this stopped my mother from the indignity of slopping out the commode). I created a ramp from B&Q decking and added hand-rails in access / egress points. Ebay was a godsend and I bought an electric-tilt bed for £100 and a motor scooter for £250 (used twice RRP £2750).

The whole stairlift idea was negated due to narrow stairs, but Ebay has plenty of stairlifts for sale - get a rep from Stannah out and use their opinion for an informed judgement - corners are tricky!

Carer's allowance is means tested and the proceeds can be used to buy-in a carer every day if needs be - my Father was washed in the morning, but this costed £20 out of the £40 allowance per day. He now does this himself

He got refered to Physio twice per week and the ambulance collects him - this gives my Mother some quality time on her own.

The RAF fund (my Father did national service) have been stunning and have offerred no end of support (some financial for bath cushions etc).

If you have any specific questions please ask.


Nik

Spoon

Alterations are VAT exempt too.

As Paul says though, the condition of your Nan-in-law might be such that living at home alone is a non-starter and could well be deemed dangerous.

If not and the council won't fund it, buy your own reconditioned stairlift for a fraction of the price and get it fitted. Stannah brand new are a joke.

little-ginge

Nik - thank you for sharing your experiences. It's such a difficult learning process isn't it?
I'm glad your father has had the support and love he needed - for him to be able to manager without the carer must mean alot to him - I know my nan-in-law sat and stared at the physio who was talking about carers - if looks could kill apparently

I am going to compact all the info you guys have kindly given me, and pass it on to my in-laws..

David Lock

Give Age Concern and/or Help the Aged a ring. They can be really helpful. Be careful with Social Services as they can be economical about explaining all the options available.

Very best of luck. d

Lee247

awww A, I hope you get sorted

My Husbands Aunt had a massive stroke last year. Her Husband is looking after her at home and to be honest, he is not the same man. It really is taking its toll on him.
Best of luck, sorry I can't offer any positive advice.

pwhittle

have a look at your local council's website, it'll have information about refers to social services, finincial assessments for care etc.

I look after sheltered housing here, and am currently reviewing the local provision. On the whole they're not cut out for people with dementia.
Care and support is heading very much towards staying at home (be it your current home or sheltered), which is nearly always cheaper than residential care, and prefered by most people).

If she gets assessed as needing a care / support package (they're 2 different things usually), you could opt for direct payments, and employ people yourself, giving her more choice about who helps her, when etc.)

On a lighter note, my nan made a highly un-pc comment at Christmas (in front of my daughter), and has now cut me off, saying it's my fault!. I'll send her some care home brochures...

Hope she does well

SJ_Skyline

Ginge,

YHPM

I'll share one point of it with the board though as I believe it's vital in circumstances like this:

1. Enduring power of attorney - Get it sorted now: otherwise, don't be surprised when the whole estate is bequeathed to the local cats home.

The Zohan

Well put and ap point well made that i failed to

It is also the toll and strains it puts on the other family members, even if your grandfather is fit and active it can just be too much or he might miss her doing something that could lead to an accident or such. A lot of the older generation put on a brave face and stiff upper lip as they where brought up to and nothing at all wrong with that but you really must look into what is best all round on the long term for both of them.

Good luck at this tough time.

Good luch

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

Absolutely! I forgot to mention this in my PM to you last night Anna, my Mum now has POA over my Nan's estate and takes care of all her day to things like pension etc. My Nan mostly doesn't know what time of day it is anymore so it's a very necessary evil.

Leslie

It is an very difficult situation. Mrs Leslie's mother became seriously demented and she looked after her for about eleven years. I have to say that Mrs Leslie is the most unselfish and caring person I have ever known. How she managed I shall never know. It is the most difficult thing one could ever have to deal with.

We now have an elderly lady neighbour had has the same problem having had a couple of strokes and they are well heeled so they can afford permanent professional carers for 24 hour attention. Very expensive. As you might imagine Mrs Leslie goes in to see all is well with her every day.

I think it is shameful that the authorities will take no responsibility for a demented person's care unless perhap's if they are penniless. Easier to get help if you are an illegal immigrant of course!

I cannot advise you on the best course, only you can make that decision, I can only tell you what it is like. I can only wish you good luck in a difficult situation.

As far as house requirements, the best thing is to get advice fron the authorities on things like stairlifts, no split level floors in case of trippng up, removing doors where necessary, grab handles in the lavatory and bathroom etc. You may need a door on the stairs to keep her from falling down them also.

Les

little-ginge

I just want to thank everyone who has replied on this thread, or have sent me PM's.

Worley's advice re the RAF Fund - my N-I-L was in the WAAFS and is eligble to help from them... noone in the family had ever heard of this, and it looks like they may be able to assist. And things like the power of attorney etc.. things which I wouldn't have thought about until perhaps it's too late..

You have offered personal experience, advice and support - without this I wouldn't have known where to start looking tbh, and I am once again amazed at how fab and caring the SN community is

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

That's good news re the RAF fund and don't forget, any questions just ask

little-ginge

Thanks Sal..

We heard to day that she may be able to come home as soon as next week... which is fab news as we think she may do better in her own surroundings..

Enigma

If you haven't done so already, then ask about attendance allowance too.

Leslie

Good point. Don't forget the attendance allowance and also the carer's allowance for whoever is looking after her. Trouble with the carer's allowance is that if you are a pensioner looking after someone else, this wonderful government will reduce your state pension by the carer's allowance! How mean can people get?

Les

little-ginge

Have already printed off all the stuff on carers and attendance - but thanks for the ideas..

little-ginge

Quick update...


My nan-in-law is still in hospital. Unfortunately things have begun to deteriorate faster than we imagined. She has apparently had 2 chest infections whilst in hospital - which none of her Dr's have seen fit to tell us about until Wednesday of this week - even though we question them regularly about her status. And now has picked up another infection.

She is so weak, she cannot walk at all now - even with a zimmer. We have been told that after she comes off antibiotics in three days, she then has till the end of next week to begin to walk with her zimmer; if this is not possible then she will have to go directly into a home.

We have been trying to build her up as she has lost nearly a stone in weight in the 4.5 weeks she has been on the ward. Never a big lady, she is now literally just skin and bone. To compound matters, she has been very fussy with eating and we are struggling to get her to take food - she has been for a barium swallow to check that her osaphgus wasn't damaged during the original mini strokes - this came back fine, so it appears her brain is telling her that she has eaten already and is not hungry.

We found out today that she is not eating or drinking. We have been warned that with vascular dementia, people can suffer from thinking they have eaten and think they are bloated - and basically starve to death. The Drs are loath to fed them through a stomach peg etc as they would basicaly be given nutrition to a body which is shutting down on itself.

We have just finished making a baked egg custard for her - one of her favourite puds, in the hope it kicks starts something... She is supposed to be on Ensures - enriched drinks, but we cannot get her to drink water let alone that

fraser87uk

sorry to hear abouth this mate. had this happen about a year ago to family. not fun but we all cope in the end. friends will come and go but family will always be there.

Tam the bam

Sorry to hear that honey, I'd like to say things will get better but I can't, my Gran went a similar way and doesn't even know who I am now It's hard to see someone you love go that way.

Look after yourself too hun.

Tam xx

Leslie

I hope she comes round again back to normal. I saw all that with my mother too, its very hard to take.

Good luck for her.

Les

little-ginge

Thanks Tam & Leslie.

Last Monday the dr called us to one side and said that she would definately have to go straight into a nursing home. I bit the bullet and asked the question that noone wants to ask, but you feel you need to know the answer to. They said that if she didnt get into a home as a matter of urgency she may only have 4 weeks to live. They hoped that if she went into a home, she would perk up as she obviously was deteriorating in the hospital envrionment. They said if it could be arranged ASAP she could live from 6months to anything up to 5 years.

We had a phone call Sunday morning to say that she was bad. We went in and said our goodbyes but she rallied for another 24 hours. We had another call yesterday morning, and we were by her side as she died.

The comfort we have taken is that she never aware that she had the dementia, that she was not in any pain, and that her passing was peaceful, and we were by her side.

Watching her die was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am glad we were there for her.

Thank you all so much for your help, advice and support, since my original post. It has been gratefully received.

Anna
x

Enigma

I'm really sorry to hear that, like you say though you have the comfort of knowing she passed away peacefully. Thoughts are with you and your family

worley

I'm sorry about your loss Anna, I'm glad it was peaceful at the end.


Regards

Nik

Sonic'

Anna, so sorry for your loss, I don't even know how I missed this thread when it was first posted

Take some comfort in the fact that she passed away peacefully, and that she wasn't aware of her illness

Our thoughts are with you & your family

Steve & Donna