WE are all supposed to feel proud of our country, even if we’re Belgian.

But as I huddled in a shop doorway last night, trying to keep my cigarette dry, I began to wonder what we in Britain have to be proud about exactly.
Our past? Not any more. We’re constantly told that our empire was actually built on the slave trade and that when we see an old globe we should blush as pink as the countries we invaded.
Our power? Today, our Armed Forces have been so run down by mean-spirited politicians, that in a bout of fisticuffs, we’d struggle to beat Finland.
Not that long ago, a country like Sudan would never have dreamed of banging up a British subject. Their president would have been bashed over the head with a hard-backed British passport and he’d have seen sense immediately. Not any more.

Our football team? I don’t think so.

So what about our world-famous sense of fair play? Well, as the Government hands out peerages in exchange for cash and then, when caught, takes donations from people’s dogs, you’d have to surmise, it’s gone. These days, the British Prime Minister spends most of his days being interviewed by the police.
Perhaps that’s why the South Yorkshire chief constable had his driving licence taken away. To prevent him from getting to London and bothering our supreme leader, Comrade Brown.
Not only has our intrinsic fairness gone, but so has any notion of living in a free country. You can’t advertise drink on the radio without telling listeners to be responsible. You can’t advertise a burger if children might be watching. You can’t smoke indoors. You can’t use your dogs to kill a rat. You can’t tell a colleague at work he looks like a terrorist. You can’t reverse without a banksman directing you.

In Communist Russia, you could do everything you liked except vote. Here, voting is all we can do. But sadly, not for another two long and terrifying years.


On the roads, things are getting worse and worse.
There are psychopathic bus drivers, Government agents in Smart cars with all-round CCTV cameras to spy on your every move and highways officers in four-wheel-drive tanks.
Small wonder the roads are so crammed. They’re full of state officials spying on us and ticketing us and generally making life as unpleasant as possible.
And all the fines are poured into the NHS which used to be the envy of the world. Now it’s just a million meeting rooms full of flip chart idiots eating biscuits and talking management nonsense.
And no one can get the nurses to wash their hands properly so when our soldiers come back from a war that the Government started but won’t ever talk about, all we give them is a dollop of MRSA.

See what I mean? You can’t fly the flag any more because you’re called a racist. But truth be told, I don’t even want to any more.

British. Look at the word carefully. You’ll note half of it’s an anagram of s**t.