spleenmachine

clues in the title: heres mine...

A young lad once shot out in front of me on a peddle bike with NO brakes, I swerved and ran over an island narrowly missing a lamppost which im convinced would have killed me and my friend

It mashed my wheels up but I was quick to see that the lad was ok as he crying and was only bout 8-9 yrs old.

just as i sat him down (my car still on the island) his mum came speeding down the street, noticed her son and started screaming at me and my friend,

ordered her son home (which he did do, crossing the road without looking still riding his bike )

then the women came back round with his dad wanting my details and stuff saying there son was on the settee ill and that his *new bike (it was tatty and wrecked lol!) was broken and couldnt be rode anymore

Not kidding at that moment her son belted across the street without looking (again) on his bike!

needless to say they didnt get my details or my pennies!

spleenmachine

Heres another one of mine...

I was once driving to work at night in my brand new one week old car when a lad on a peddle bike that i had seen riding on the pavement

jumped straight off the curb with his head down straight into the side of my car taking my wing mirror with him

I pulled over asked if he was ok (luckily he was) took his name and number and let him off and paid £150 from my own pocket to fix the damage as to not affect my policy

couple of weeks later i get a solicitors letter from him wanting compensation for a broken leg, elbow, disslocated knee and loss of earnings (even though he'd peddled off home after and admitted it was his fault.) LESSON LEARNED! ALWAYS MAKE THEM PAY! took 3 years to sort out but I won in the end and that scum didnt get a penny!

Shark Man

There I was pottering down a busy backstreet in my old Nissan Sunny. As I passed a junction I felt/heard a hefty bang and the car rocked.....

I thought something fell off! So slammed on the anchors, comming to a stop next a bloke going the other way who had his window down (mine was down to). And heard him say "stupid f**king **** wasn't looking was he". I then note in my mirror a car half stuck out of the junction I just passed, and yes, he just hit the side of my car as I was driving past.

Ahh, that explains the bang. So I turn round to go and greet this fellow who just hit me. But as I was doing so he drove off! So I bung the 'ol Sunny into pursuit mode and go chasing after him...luckily another bloke saw him do it and had followed and flagged me down as I passed a side road that he pulled into

So I greet the bloke who hit my car, who turned out to be one of those British Nationals that don't seem to speak good English (nor drive either). He looks at the damage which was a scuffed and dented rear wing/wheelarch and says Ok? Yes? And was about to leave it that.

Obviously I was a bit peeved at this guy driving off then carrying on like he's done nothing. So I said no. He then pleads me not to go through insurance, and asks what will I take.

Well, seeing it was a banger which was tidy but not really worth anything, I wouldn't have bothered if he had not driven off, so I thought, £20 just incase it damaged the tyre (it had scuffed the wheel trim).

So I was led into a house across the street in which a asian women who spoke even less English insisted that I had a tin of Pepsi despite me politely refusing, and sat me in a prestine lounge (well prestine for a ex-council terrace) with a proudly placed mural on the wall above the fire place which was a huge photo of presumably their son getting his uni diploma. There I sat for a minute in this surreal lounge - quaintly decorated, and oddly, no TV. When a young school girl - still in uniform comes along and the bloke starts talking durkadurka lingo (i.e not English ) to her.

She retreives a pad and pen and starts writing. Then hands it to me and asks me to read it and sign if its ok. The note was a reciept for £20 for the damage and confirmation that I would be taking no further action. Christ, all I wanted to do was make a point about leaving the scene of an accident. Still, I had the £20 and went on my way somewhat bemused about the whole affair.

satancom

Had an R Plate omega before, lotsa fun lsd rear wheel drive 3.0 V6. ANyhow one day i was driving up a hill in some traffic when the car infront of me had to stop suddenly as someone was coming down the hill (cars on his side)

I slammed on and stopped and kept my foot on the brake as i could see the car behind was not going to stop. After the inevitable thud I asked if my misses was ok, and pulled forward onto the curb, Guy who hit me followed.

I got out and asked if he and his misses was ok and serveyed the damage. Nothing new on mine, maybe a few more scratches on the bumper. But the guy who hit me? well he was in a saxo.. a bit of a missmatch there, his car was mullered.

Anyhow, i said it was a shed, no real damage and if he wanted we could leave it at that. He seemed pleased, young lad, probably his first car so woulda killed his insurance premium in the future. Would have written my car off if i went through the claims it was so rough

Scrapped it a few months later still with saxo paint on the bootlid

spleenmachine

Class!

My girlfriend had a similar one to u sharkman yet the girl whohit her was french!

my lass let her off 2!

We've both learned although we dont like it and are nice people, alot of other people these days will claim compensation for near death for a scratch, therefore if u cant beat em join em!

So have vowed to sting ANYONE who even dares leave a breath mark on my window

We're not that kind of people really so glad ive havent been in no scrapes for a while!

Money be the route of all evil nevermind FREE money 2 some people.

bootsy

i had a old 1600 ford sierra as a work shed which the lads at work took the **** out off.blinding motor 3 different coloured doors on the a blue car anyway one of these lads a chaved up modded escort which he put in to back of my shed.he forgot about my tow bar and it had made a lovely mess of his car.he ended up righting it off and getting a lifted in with me for the next month my car had a split in the bumper a red mark on it

gpssti4

iTrader: (6)

One day I had parked my Type 25 (VW camper not Scooby ) and unknown to me someone had parked a wee bit too close to me, i.e. touching my rear bumper. Anyway I climbed into the camper and pulled forward................... about 3 feet, along with their front bumper. Apparently, they realised that they had hit and rode up over my tow bar and had become locked onto it. They were arguing what to do next and didn't see me return, get in and drive off. When I climbed out the look on their faces was classic. No damage done to mine, but theirs was missing the front of their car. After I returned their bumper they sort of saw the funny side to it.

Another one, not me but a friend. He was pulling out of a side road onto a roundabout when one of the local Durkadurkastanies ran straight into him, spinning himself into the kerb loosing his rear wheel. He then panicked and tried to drive off................... on three wheels. Eventually he stopped and at first denied that he'd been in an accident then blamed my mate (who was less than amussed). Turned out it was his fathers car and he was sh*tting himself. Anyway, it took about three months to get my friends car repaired.

martinbrown

Whilst travelling to work from Darlington to Whitby (50 mile journey) in my 5 door honda civic, in the snow, i reached a step hill called Burk Brow which has 2 lanes in both directions. It is a big long double "s" bend and is a nightmare at the best of times. On my approach i slowed down to about 30 (national speed limit road) and tried to ease my way up the hill without sliding all over the place. I was managing quite well until i saw a national express bus hurtling up behind me at a ridiculous speed. I managed to get around the first bend before the car got stuck on the snow and as i looked in the mirror i saw the bus was having the same trouble as me, although he had managed to slide sideways slightly and was now flying up the hill using both lanes. On seeing this i near enough sh@t myself and floored the go peddle which did no good at all. I looked in the mirror again to see the buses back wheel filling my rear windscreen and looked out of my drivers window to see the driver's face looking back at me as white as a sheet. After what seemed like a week the car got traction and pullled away from the bus.
I was very lucky, if the bus had hit me i would have been pushed over a 50 - 60 foot drop

Martin

rossd001

I was picking the X mrs up in an old blue 1.3 Nova when this crazy lady came out of the pub next to the car park I was in, got into her car, slammed it in revers and floored it..... Straight into me. I was side onto her so I saw everything.. She took out my drivers door, front and back wing...

Then she pulled forward a bit, messed around with the gear.... Found reverse again and you guessed it.... She floored it again, same result... I was just watching in total shock, i didnt even move...

She then pulled into the disabled parking space and fell asleep.... Now im not 100% but i think she may have had a few drinks...

When I woke her up and told her she had just drove into me twice she could not remember a thing.. It took the police 45 mins to arrest her because she locked the doors and went back to sleep...

Problem was I was due to sell the car the next day. All I did was park it with the damage facing away from the garage and drove off in my new car...

Happy days!

collierm

Jesus, thats bad. I hate driving up that hill. I nearly got wiped out coming down it, got to the bottom round the second bend, merging into one lane, an old Nissan Primera thought it had enough time (and grunt) to get past me. Needless to say he didn't, I had to swerve up the kerb and missed a fence post by inches, he carried on, tried to overtake on the wrong side of the road and nearly side swiped a car pulling out of the junction about 500 yards further down the road. Feckless wonder.

simog

iTrader: (1)

My best one was in an old Nova 1.2 - my pride and joy at that time being my first car!
1st day at my new job, driving on a single carriage way in rush hour so only travelling about 45 past an estate called Conniburrow. On the left, a man walking his dog, and on the right another man seemingly calling out to the man on the left. Next thing I see is the dog (great dane) running towards the road by the side of my car.....it ran into me!!!!
The dog, which weighed in at 12st, ran into the N/S wing, bounces off my passenger door, craps itself and then finishes with a bang on my rear quater panel.

I slam on the anchors, somewhat bemused at what had just happened. Get out of the car and see the dog in a heap on the floor. I thought I had killed it and was pretty upset. Turned out that the guy calling out was the dogs owner and had only called for the dog to come to him!!!

Dog goes to the vet and I went home missing my first day! Went to see how the dog was and all it had was a touch of shock, a scratch and a bruise. £25 vet bill apparently!! Owner typically didn't have any insurance so no money for me!

My car (being a nova and constructed from old baked bean tins) was a write off!!

Great Dane Vs Nova.....Great Dane 1, Nova 0!!!

STiFreak

iTrader: (4)

Best one I have seen: A mate of my brothers was visiting and had parked his car in the road outside our house as usual. About 20 minutes later, we heard this thump, followed by the sound of metal scraping. We ran out into the road to find a VW Beetle upside down and wheels still turning, next to my brothers mates car. The old dear (think she was 82) who was driving the beetle was still hanging upside down, held in by her seatbelt. We helped her out and then had a more careful look to see what had happened. There was basically no damage to my brothers mates Honda, except for a few small scratches. It seems the old Honda with its very low nose, had acted like a ramp when the beetle hit it and flipped it onto it's roof.

ZIPPY

I used to have an Astra LXi Estate in White.

One January evening it had snowed and my whole car was covered, i then drove down a quiet country lane to pick up a girlfriend, out from a small cottage to my left runs a great big hairy old english sheep dog.

It went up the bonnet and across the roof, it then ran off into a field.

When i got out the owner was running out in tears, i was crying with laughter as i had a perfectly clean, snow free stripe right through the middle of my car where the dogs nice hairy coat had cleaned it on its way over the roof.

I helped the woman find the pooch who was sitting in shock in the nearby field with no injuries at all.

No damage to my car either.

satancom

Guy i used to work with told me this one.. not sure if it was true, anyhow this is how he told it

" I was drving down this main road one sunny day and a cat ran straight into my path, i couldn't help but hit it. I stopped and jumped out to see if it was ok and found it lying on the pavement all sprawled out, I thought I would put it out of its missery as I gave it a good clout in the car. I gat a spade outa the back and clattered it one, finished it off in one go.

As I was walking back the the car I hear this woman screaming at me as she runs down the street... Turns out it was her cat that had been sunning itself on the pavement, the cat i hit was still under the car

I jumped in the car and drove away as quickly as possible"

spleenmachine

CLASS! Keep em coming

Markus

My first car was a little 1.0l Nissan Micra and it's life was ended one afternoon many, many, many years ago. I was returning home, traveling behind a truck. We stop at a set of temp traffic lights due to a set of roadworks. I've left a bit of a gap, probably 2 or so meters between me and the truck.
Whilst sitting there I happen to glance in the rear view mirror and see an old fiesta approaching rather rapidly.
I look back at the truck in front and then hear, from behind a very loud screeching noise, I look in the rear view and sure enough the fezza is sliding into the back of the poor micra. This pushes me into the back of the truck, more specifically the large towhook on the back.

After a few seconds of "WTF?", I get out, and have a peek at the front of the car, ooh, it's had a nose job, bit of an inverted one too. It doesn't look happy with the surgery though

The mildly amusing bit is that the chappy in the fezza decides, rather sheepishly to approach me. He's a small chap, I'm not, and I'm in a suit, and have my "I'm not overly impressed" face on. He's very apologetic, and says that he's really sorry about it, totally his fault. His reason for the accident is that he drives busses all day long and has just come off shift and forgot that his car has a nose on it, whereas he bus does not and he is used to being able to pull up a lot sharper and closer to the back of a car in front!

oobster

That cat/spade one was funny!

Me and the Mrs were travelling through Glasgow in May 2005, the day after we got married. Pulled away from a set of traffic lights and saw out the corner of my eye a guy running along towards us on the street to our left. I naturally thought he'd stop when he got to the kerb but he didn't - he tried to jump OVER the car but didn't make it, clattered right into the nearside rear quarter.

I was only doing about 15mph at the time so I stopeed and ran back to the guy who was now writhing around on the road screaming "My back! My back!". A taxi driver who was travelling behind us (and now couldn't get past) got out and shouted at him to get up, that he hadn't even hit our car. At this the guy jumped up and started fighting with the taxi driver (I backed off at this point, didn't want a blade through me, Mrs had already called the police & ambulance).

The guy then jumped over the nearby railings (bridge over the M8) and sat on the tiny ledge dangling his feet over. He sat there for about a minute until he heard the sirens coming, then he jumped back over and ran away.

Police picked him up later that night (out of his face on drink/drugs/both). He was charged with criminal damage, pleaded guilty on the day of the court case (that Me and the Mrs had to take a day off work for) and was fined £150 + a £250 compensation order to be given to us. Almost 15 months on we've never seen a penny of it, ruined the first few days of our honeymoon as we had to try to get the car repaired while we were away, then our insurance went up because the insurer wouldn't pursue the guy for the cost of repairs!

I wouldn't know the bloke if I seen him again in the street, but I hope karma exists and makes sure he gets a right good kicking one day.

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

erm no i dont believe that one and i hate cats.

davegtt

OMG... That is absolutely the funniest thing Ive read in... well I dunno but its funny as

davegtt

Not exactly convincing story but come on, that was worth a good chuckle at

DCI Gene Hunt

I was driving up the A1 and turned off near Grantham, continued driving along at around 30(ish) when all of a sudden this feckin HUGE dear with **** off antlers SPRUNG out of the hedgerow on my right and bounced towards the side of my car....

I was too close to even think about breaking!!... and he was almost on the side of my car when... he jumped OVER my entire bonnet... I was just holding the steering wheel having a real FREE ***** moment, watching this majestic beast sail over my whole bonnet....

Half way through his leap he only feckin looks at me.. and FECKIN WINKS!!.. then lands the other side and bounces away into the woodland....

Tis a true story

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

was you in your green newage sti type-ra dci

or another car.

t'is a genuine question, english

DCI Gene Hunt

It was in my WR1

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

LMAO at the stories !!

I was driving along with my mates down a country lane going for a "drive" little old Fizza ! We spotted a phone box in the middle of no where and decided to investigate.. as we pulled up the engine cut out.. then the phone box light went out and then the street light.. was ****.. started the car and screeched off into the night !

fast bloke

LMAO

RoShamBo

iTrader: (1)

I had a lovely new Golf GTi 16v many years ago, was waiting to turn into a junction when WHACK, a young girl in a mini drove into the back of me.

As we looked at each others car I noticed she was pretty cute.

No damage to me, but I thought I would take her details - which she didn't have on her and she suggested I popped round to her flat the next night to get her details.

Anyway - next night and a bottle of wine later and we were at it like rabbits in her bedroom !!

LOL - went out with her for a few months too!!

Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

This may take some time to get through so bear with me...

Driving down the M62 to Hull in the middle of Winter. Freezing Fog so bad I could only see one cats eye in front of me. Absolutely terrified and pinned to the inside of the Windscreen to try and see something. I was doing no more than 20-25 (and that felt too fast!). Oh and yes I was being over-taken.

So I get to the North Cave junction where the M62 ends and I can see a bit more now, and realise that cars on the OPPOSITE carriageway are ALL flashing their lights as they go past. I wonder why for a second and then realise... CRASH!

I slammed the brakes on and could then see looming out the fog a jack-knifed lorry right across the two lanes and the hard shoulder .

I come to a stop in time <phew> put the hazards on AND put the car in reverse (lots of light out the back) and see a set of lights behind me suddenly dip as the car brakes and the guy come to safe stop <phew again!> He smiled and waved and I waved back.

Okay, all well and good... now what? Now a Policeman comes around the jack-knifed lorry and waves me through. Directing me onto the grass verge.. So I slowly get past the FIRST lorry to see that he had slammed into ANOTHER lorry that had slammed in a THIRD lorry that had missed the slip road and gone straight onto the carriageway and ended up broadside until shunted by the middle lorry.

Funny? Not really... except....

As I get past this lot I drive away and glance across to the other carriageway to see a policeman running down the FAST lane of the opposite carriagway carrying what looked like a First Aid kit.
He's running towards a car that is smashed into the armco on MY side with a guy hanging out the drivers door (on his back face up arms akimbo) with another guy hanging onto him.

Funny? Scary more like

Okay, so this is 300 yards past the lorry park / smash...

250 yards past the embedded car I come across two cars mounted ON the armco on my side and embedded in each other. One was kind of balanced, and the other supporting it.... very impressive! The drivers were sat by the side looking very glum, very cold and not looking at each other.

Funny? Kinda... but still very scary.

(not finished yet!)

So.... I get past these guys and I'm driving VERY slowly and VERY VERY carefully and i can see the tracks of previous cars in the road... but there's really only one track and it veers off the inside to the LEFT and disappears down a bank. Down the bank are 3 cars. I kid you not. All had played follow the leader in the dense fog and suffered the consequences. The drivers are all also sat by the side of the road looking glum cold and not at each other.

Funny....? Well yeah

All this happened within... Oh about 3/4 mile in total, maybe less.

Anyway... so I'm the first car past all this carnage and the Police are letting people through the first one so there's this train of cars all driving past the multiple accidents and clearly sh*tting themselves like I was.
Except they've got people in front and can simply play "follow the leader". I'm the bloody leader. Gee thanks.

Now... the thing is... I have this joker streak running through me and sometimes I can't help myself. Thinking everyone is just going to sit behind me no matter what I pull over into the fast lane and then look behind me - and the WHOLE train pulls over just as I did
I pull back in and they ALL pull back in again.

Not one car passes me the whole way through to Hull. Not even at the set of lights you get to. They ALL stayed behind me.
When we get to Hull and the Fog starts to lift and the lights help THEN people start going past and every bloody one of them waves and smiles and honks the horn and flashes the lights. Yeah thanks. Now can someone peel me off this steering wheel????

I could talk about the nightmare journey to Withernsea from Hull after that (where I was meeting a mate) but that's another story... but when I got there he was almost white with shock. It was all over the news that there had been a 100 car pile up at the interchange of the M62 and A63 (where the lorries had been) with one fatality. It turns out that someone didn't stop in time and....

My mate knew i was in the middle of that lot and was terrified I really was slap bang in the middle of that lot.

RUDDY

sat in my old work car (vitara lol!) at some traffic lights a few years a go i had a transit van go in to the back of me, then i got pushed in to this old lada thing. Transit vans radiator exploded and front all dented from the tow bar. Ladas floorpan pushed up and smashed cluster! Vitaras number plate fell off! so i chucked in the back and got out of there! not a scratch on her.

Ciaran

iTrader: (16)

I remember mates dad spending 4k on a brand new trailor and about a week after he got it needed a shot,
so he said on you go so i picked it up the following day and was told to be careful i said yes got in the car drove out of his driveway i forgot i had the trailor on the back turned to pull out of the drive and cut the corner the trailor caught on a power pole so crunch it snapped the trailor into 3 pieces and ripped a cable off the pole taking out the power to 500 houses. When i got out of the car the look on my mates dads face was priceless and all i could do was laugh all got sorted in the end and my mates dad had never leant me anything since!!!

ronjeramy

iTrader: (1)

what no replys from sarasquares