Two blokes stuck in a lift, one farts....
02 September 2007, 01:15 PM
#1
Two blokes stuck in a lift, one farts....
Then the other one farts and so it continues.
Me and j4cko's mate (That's his name on here not me talking like Bomber from Auf Weidershen Pet).
We after a nights committed hedonism, pushing the envelope, or drinking as I call it we crashed in a room at Manchester's Beetham Tower, we got up went out for some food, came back ate it and then left, or tried to anyway.
We get in the lift, obviously after a nights Stella and Kebab abuse we were both a bit smelly, I had spent the morning contriving situations where I could get my **** as near to his face and then let one rip and a tit for tat situation had arisen so I had clenched a good one in specially for the journey down from the 30th floor.
Gets in the lift, the door closes and I release the demon with maximum force, he had obviously had been thing the same thing and the lift began to shake with the force, I think he put to much effort into it, a gamble considering we had to get back from Manchester, I had visions of us waiting for Primark to open so he could get some clean pants, I suspect that there was actually positive pressure in the lift due to the volume of gas released.
The lift goes down, we were both gagging due to the truly appalling smell in there, unable to savor as the gases had mingled so we didn't know who's was who's.
At the 20th floor it stops, we look at each other, p1ssing ourselves, concerned that someone was about to board, mild panic along with almost collapsing with laughter, the smell was not dissipating and the doors were about to open and some poor sod was about to be gassed.
Only the doors didn't open, the lift was stuck, it did go through my mind that we had tripped some contamination detector ?
So, after ten minutes we pressed the bell, nothing, tries it again and notice the note that said you have to press for three seconds, so he does and it dials a call center, we were in the queue at position 2 which made me wonder how many people were stranded in lifts up and down the country.
We were in there for an hour, a engineer was called out and the lift went down, then up, then back down, eventually letting us out at he ground floor, we asked the bloke at the desk what all that was about, the silly sod said there was two people stuck in the lift, we explained that it was us, he didnt look surprised, second time this week ?
I will not sleep tonight, I had visions of spending a week in a lift with Jackos mate, a truly harrowing prospect !
Me and j4cko's mate (That's his name on here not me talking like Bomber from Auf Weidershen Pet).
We after a nights committed hedonism, pushing the envelope, or drinking as I call it we crashed in a room at Manchester's Beetham Tower, we got up went out for some food, came back ate it and then left, or tried to anyway.
We get in the lift, obviously after a nights Stella and Kebab abuse we were both a bit smelly, I had spent the morning contriving situations where I could get my **** as near to his face and then let one rip and a tit for tat situation had arisen so I had clenched a good one in specially for the journey down from the 30th floor.
Gets in the lift, the door closes and I release the demon with maximum force, he had obviously had been thing the same thing and the lift began to shake with the force, I think he put to much effort into it, a gamble considering we had to get back from Manchester, I had visions of us waiting for Primark to open so he could get some clean pants, I suspect that there was actually positive pressure in the lift due to the volume of gas released.
The lift goes down, we were both gagging due to the truly appalling smell in there, unable to savor as the gases had mingled so we didn't know who's was who's.
At the 20th floor it stops, we look at each other, p1ssing ourselves, concerned that someone was about to board, mild panic along with almost collapsing with laughter, the smell was not dissipating and the doors were about to open and some poor sod was about to be gassed.
Only the doors didn't open, the lift was stuck, it did go through my mind that we had tripped some contamination detector ?
So, after ten minutes we pressed the bell, nothing, tries it again and notice the note that said you have to press for three seconds, so he does and it dials a call center, we were in the queue at position 2 which made me wonder how many people were stranded in lifts up and down the country.
We were in there for an hour, a engineer was called out and the lift went down, then up, then back down, eventually letting us out at he ground floor, we asked the bloke at the desk what all that was about, the silly sod said there was two people stuck in the lift, we explained that it was us, he didnt look surprised, second time this week ?
I will not sleep tonight, I had visions of spending a week in a lift with Jackos mate, a truly harrowing prospect !
02 September 2007, 01:18 PM
#2
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The farts made the lift lighter and the sensors were fooled ....... I am amazed it didn't have a CockLink fitted so that you could detect Fart Detonation before it became a problem 
02 September 2007, 04:16 PM
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im roaring laughing reading this, it occurred precisely as he explained, the look of panic as the lift came to a quick stop, when we realised someone was going to be subjected to the contents of his ring
then the smell of fear as they never opened, we sat reading the paper deciding whos leg we were going to knorr off first.
we were going to lie on the floor dead still when it opened so to look if it had dropped from a great height.
then the smell of fear as they never opened, we sat reading the paper deciding whos leg we were going to knorr off first.
we were going to lie on the floor dead still when it opened so to look if it had dropped from a great height.
Last edited by j4ckos mate; 02 September 2007 at 04:18 PM. Reason: v
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02 September 2007, 10:23 PM
#8
Anyone else ever been in a "Paternoster" lift, the ones that just pass constantly and you get on and off while it's moving?
Me and a mate once went "over the top" in one, and to fool our mates that it went upside-down, stood on our heads when it emerged..........the rest of the gang was then sh*t scared of getting caught in one that went over the top
Alcazar
Me and a mate once went "over the top" in one, and to fool our mates that it went upside-down, stood on our heads when it emerged..........the rest of the gang was then sh*t scared of getting caught in one that went over the top
Alcazar
03 September 2007, 09:13 AM
#9
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Anyone else ever been in a "Paternoster" lift, the ones that just pass constantly and you get on and off while it's moving?
Me and a mate once went "over the top" in one, and to fool our mates that it went upside-down, stood on our heads when it emerged..........the rest of the gang was then sh*t scared of getting caught in one that went over the top
Alcazar
Me and a mate once went "over the top" in one, and to fool our mates that it went upside-down, stood on our heads when it emerged..........the rest of the gang was then sh*t scared of getting caught in one that went over the top
Alcazar
03 September 2007, 11:26 AM
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Not sure that I want him to become "Les's mate" now after that description. What an awful thought to be stuck in a lift with either of you for that matter!
I did laugh though.
Les
I did laugh though.
Les
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