tonybooth

The wife and I have been discussing adoption on and off for some time now. I have always put it off as I have heard it can take years from applying to actually adopting a child.

We would happily take a child up to about 8 years old.

Anybody got any experiences? PM if you prefer.

T

D.K.1

I have never done it, but I think it's brilliant you're going to try and offer a child a good life

I have looked into fostering and want to do that, but I have to wait for my youngest to be in full time education first (their preference) and that's gone belly up now I have another on the way

Find out as much as you can from the local adoption agency, they should be able to send out a pack with info in and perhaps arrange a visit with you, it could take a while, but would be worth it in the long run

Good luck!!

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

you can have my 4 year old son..he's a right PITA

swap for a bottle of absolut,any decent TD05 and some cash your way

sti-04!!

For Sale .... One 8yr old & 1 19 month old, both boys, both eat solids.
Will swap for an Enzo ...... no p/x's welcome & no offers.

sti-04!!

Ps Good Luck

Phantom_Flan_Flinger

The wife and I became Short Term Foster Carers back in March with Bedfordshire Council.

We were told the process would take around 6 months, though in the end it took around 10, partly due to the ovely long time the CRB (Criminal Records Bureau) checks took to come through.

There were no restrictions on ages, but they try not to place a child a year or two either side of any of your own kids (if you have any).

We currently have a 7 week old boy with us, who we got when he was just 9 days old.

If you want to try the Fostering route, try your local council or have a look at the National Fostering Agency's website.
If you try private Fostering like the NFA, there are lot's and lot's of agencies around.

If you've any questions I can help you with, just ask.

Dave.

Trout

iTrader: (1)

I was fostered as baby and ended up being adopted (by the same family).

It is a special gift to be able to give to someone - I really admire Dave and Tony for taking this route. It can be incredibly difficult as a carer and yet such a gift to the child.

Rannoch

D.K.1

Oh Rannoch!!

I am sure there are plenty others like you too who were adopted and had a life they most likely wouldn't have had without foster/ adoptive parents, your post shows a positive side too

The reason I have wanted to do it is because you hear of children of all ages, from birth being mistreated or not looked after properly by parents etc and I wanted to offer a child / children the chance of a stable and loving home for the length of time they are placed with you, be it a few days, weeks, months or years, that time they have with you could make all the difference to their lives. It really upsets me tht there are so many children not being cared for properly I was told that I could potentially have babies being weaned off heroin Obviously I am going to leave it a while now because of the baby on it's way, but I am determined that one day I will foster

PFL what yo do with that little one now could affect his whole future, WELL DONE!!

Trout

iTrader: (1)

I have recently got some of the papers and it is so resonant of the times when I was adopted, in 1961, from a Dr Barnados home.

"We understand that he will bring outfit with him and we shall receive from the Homes the sum of twenty-five shillings and sixpence per week and a clothing allowance (payable every twelve weeks) at the rate of seven shillings per week, for his lodging, washing and clothing, and pocket money 6d"

It sounds like I was born in a Dickensian novel!!

scooby_girlie

I've had a host of problems carrying a baby, and indeed have lost a preemie baby girl, and we have been told it will be very difficult for me to carry a baby full-term. There are a few med things they can do to help but if those fail we will be adopting. (well, I'd like to adopt even if we have a biological child)

We've looked into it a bit and, althought the goverment states that it takes an average of two years to complete the adoption process (from you first fill out paperwork until you have your child), independant studies found that the average was actually 4 years. A long time. But the fact that you would consider a child up to the age of eight will no doubt help, as many couples nowdays want babies/toddlers.

There is also overseas adoption, I don't know if you have considered that? It can often be quicker, but you're still talking about 2 years. Some countires require huge amounts of money to adopt a child from there, but others require no payment. Although most do ask that you make a donation to the orphanage involved (it's a very small sum). Check the government websites, they will give loads of info and a list of countries you can adopt from.

This is the route that I think we will take if the time comes, simply because there are so many countries where kids are left on the street to fend for themselves. Orphanages overseas receive (usually) no government funding so are absolutely dire places, with kids being restrained in cots etc.

There are a few advantages/disadvantages with each possibility. With home adoption the main ones would be, +ves :no need to go to foreign country to battle through unknown languages/red tape, everything handled in this country, usually there is quite a lot known about childs history, less expensive (no flights etc). -ves :takes a long time, difficult to get very young children, lots of ridiculous rules/guidelines.
With overseas adoptions the main ones are +ves : you are giving a child with no hope a loving family and a future, can be faster, you have more chance of getting a younger child/baby. -ves : long distance/language barrier, possible cost, the child will be brought up away from his/her birth culture, generally there will be much less known about the childs past, ie birth parents etc, there may be undisclosed medical conditions (although this can happen with UK adoption as well). Also with regards to overseas adoption, some people feel it is not morally right to adopt a child from overseas when there are lots of children in care homes thoughout the UK.

It is a very personl choice as to which option you choose, and ultimately you have to pick the one that suits you and your family. Regardless of which option you choose, it will be a long, difficult, and often upsetting road that you will have to travel, but it could be so rewarding as well.

I really hope that it all goes well for you, if you make the decision to go ahead with it. If you want to know anything else, just let me know.

Take care, lisa

This link gives some of the options available to you.
The adoption process and where to get support : Directgov - Parents

Scooby Snacks 23

Both my sister and I are adopted and I think people like you are fantastic.

Hats off to you if you do go down that route

D.K.1

You can't be that old Rannoch!!

Scooby girlie, I hope you are able to find a way to have your own child, as well as adopting!! Sounds like you're really going through it, and there are alot of people in the same boat too

My auntie has been pregnant a few times, but never been able to carry past a few months, so this has been devastating for her as she adores children Not long after her and her hubby found out about her dificulties, she took up fostering and had many children stay with them over the years, until one little boy came to them, she loved him to bits and had him from being very young utnil about 3 or 4, then decided to adopt him, they went through everything, biological parents gave consent and all was going really well. Then, just weeks before the date that he was going to officially be their adopted son, the biological parents kicked up a huge fuss and wanted him back and everything went wrong, then ended up not being able to adopt him Devastated didn't describe how my autnie and uncle felt as he had been such a big part of their lives for so long and loved him like he was their own, they never saw him again and it really disheartened them, so after that they stopped fostering because they didn't want the same thing to happen again, which is a shame because they were great, subsequently the marriage broke down too. I have no idea of this could happen this day and age, this went on in the early eighties and things have changed a lot since then. My Auntie is in her 50's now and still without a child It's real shame she hasn't taken fostering back up, but I guess it's one of those things....

I remember a programme years ago that was about fostering and adoption, more like a series really as it went on for a few weeks and someone had a couple of children of their own and adopted a little chinese or vietnamese girl, they went through hell to officially adopt, but they got there in the end and was really happy

Personally I wold rather go the fostering route, you can get some very long term children who stay with you into their teens, so you could apply adopt them if you wished, I would never rule out adoption though, if I grew to love a child and the child felt the same and it was OK with everyone else involved, but for me something like that will be years off yet.

My mum has also been thinking about fostering since I started on about it LOL, I think she would be a great foster carer as she's such a loving and kind person, she really could bring a lot of love and quality to a child

TSB Boy

I take my turban off to you, tonybooth, for you are indeed a brave and noble man.

Drunken Bungle Whore

For info and support try here:

Adoption and Fostering

Good luck

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

My mate and his wife have just fostered two kids, a brother and sister. i think it took them almost 2 years once they'd been approved but almost a year to get approval despite her being a teacher who works purely with kids that have been expelled from elsewhere (i.e. people nobody wants). They don't regret any of it.

i have another friend who was adopted as a child. He's in his 40's and only just found out when his adopted mum died. He was about to emigrate to New Zealand so looked up his biological mum and get on really well with her. The problem at the time was she was in a bad relationship, had no home and no money, by the time she was on her feet he'd been adopted so she couldn't do anything. He was made up to meet the brothers etc he never knew he had so can be interesting from all sides.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

5t.

LC Geezer

You have my total and utter admiration. Amazing thing to do !!!!

tonybooth

Thanks for all your input - Phantom Flan Flinger - Top bloke

We do not think fostering would be good for us as we know we would become too attached to the little blighters

T

D.K.1

That is the problem with fostering unfortunately

Best of luck getting everything you need info wise with the adoptions, I hope you get what you want from it and have a lovely child to love and look after

I know it will take a while, but the sooner you get the ball rolling,the sooner you will make progress, so don't give up if it's something you really want to do

Good luck and I hope it all works out for the best

m1cks

We have been going through the process since February this year. This weekend the kids (boy,6 and girl,4) come to live with us ull time. Most worthwile thing you can do IMO.

tonybooth

That's fast!!

Phantom_Flan_Flinger

Appreciate all the comments guys.

Thank you.

Mind you, we do wonder at times now we're back to night-time feeds, nappy changing and the rest.
He's a good little lad though.

Dave.

m1cks

Tell me about it
To start with they will be in our foster care (4-6 months) while the legal side of things is dealt with, after which expecting the legal guardianship to take over. All crb, suitability checks and meetings etc have been done though. Been approved by social serv and independant childrens advisers for the kids so just waiting for the final say from the courts.

Trout

iTrader: (1)

A slightly different tack, albeit on the same subject.

I recently found out the name of my birth mother - and having paid a few notes to www.findmypast.com I managed to find out who she is, that I have three new brothers and sisters and that she is alive and well. This took a couple of hours research to create a 99% probabilty that I have the right woman.

OMG!

I have contacted an intermediary service and we are going to initiate contact over the coming weeks - it takes time.

The other amazing thing is that she gave her first son the same name as my adoptive parents gave to me - spooky!

Rannoch

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Disgraceful




























That's way to expensive, I have a 12 month old boy on sale for £500 currently teething and up at 3 am every morning