New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Thought this might be good for a few laughs.

I'm probably not the best person to kick things off though, as I don't have any really cringeworthy stories......at least, if I do, I don't recall enough about the night to give you an accurate account.

I do recall making of a t*t of myself at a conference in Oxford, where delegates were being spoiled by a rather over-eager waiter who would barely let you finish your glass of wine before replacing it with another!

The venue for the opening night reception was the natural history museum, which included a fine display of the bones of a large T-REX. Anyway, after the 10th Glass of White wine, I started to get a bit peckish! Low and behold, out came the nibbles: I was hoping for something more substantial than salmon wrapped in leaves of some sort and various fancy pastry creations, but under the circumstances, they'd do nicely sir! Having polished off half of the selection, much to the dismay of several of the great and good in attendence, the waiter presented my saviour: Garlic dough *****!!! A whole mountain of them!!

My memory of what happened next is a bit hazy, but a friend also present at the conference reception reliably informs me that:

Upon seeing the mountain of Garlic dough *****, a rather worse for wear Ns04 was heard to exclaim in an entirely unconvincing and unnecessarily loud posh french accent:

"Ambassador: with these garlic dough ***** and fancy french wine, you are really spoiling us!!"

Apparently, I then grapped two handfuls stuffed them in my pockets, took two glasses of wine over to the T-Rex exhibit and could be heard mumbling something about being peeved that there was no dip!!

I think the assembled crowd were glad that I'd made myself scarce..... untill the group photo at the end was interrupted by the laughter of my friend (himself somewhat worse for wear at that point) who found my drunken attempts to feed the T-rex some Dough *****, reasoning that he looked a bit "under-fed"!

Needless to say, we were not asked to join the group for the photo and may have missed the first few presentations of the following morning for reasons completely unrelated to having raging headaches and feeling a little under par!!

We were also informed by some sub-ordinates that our conduct was most unbecomming for academics. Funnily enough, those higher up the food chain seemed more well disposed to us after that!

Ns04

Dave1980

my most embarrassing one has got to be throwing up all over two girls on a bus in my home town who were wearing mini skirts.
i was so drunk that i still dont know who they are to this day and that was 10 years ago.
i just got off the bus and endured the extra 2 mile trip home.

not the most impressive memory ever.

Scooby Snacks 23

One of the moments I'm most proud of was at the leaving do from my last company. After just over 5 years service, I was rewarded with a massive drink up and after about 10 hours of drinking copious amounts of ale, two of the nicer looking girls in my office took me back to the flat they shared and said that they would be my leaving presents. I couldn't believe my luck - my first threesome!!

So on to the most embarrassing thing when I've been drunk.

Not being able to get it up

Dave1980

yeah thats not good, i had that once a few years ago. beer goggles were well and truly on as well and could only see with one eye shut i was so well oiled.
i thought she was stunning and was quite happy to oblige with the rug munching etc, turned out in the morning she was very rough to say the least.

i am pretty lucky i couldnt go all the way that night looking back.

although she did live at house number 69 which made me laugh.

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Dragged on stage at a Lions club do arranged by a bloke from the pub I worked for, she did the rounds and dragged me up and stripped me naked, then sat on my ****, which was nice but the forty or so blokes watching kind of took the edge off it. Weny home stinking of baby oil and Stella with a souvenir stocking. Had loads of old blokes winking at me when I walked through my home town.

Funny, a similar thing happened at a rugby club do a few months later that I went to, stripper makes a bee line for me to be part of the show again, I politely declined that time. I am not claiming to be some kind of stud or handsome **** but I think I must look docile, passive and none threatening to the jobbing stripper !

SJ_Skyline

Proposed

STi wanna Subaru

iTrader: (1)

pulled a bird, back to hers, went down, felt sick... got to toilet... threw up... phoned taxi... left.

DJ Dunk

iTrader: (5)

Damn, she must have been rotten.

STi wanna Subaru

iTrader: (1)

I've not told you the worst bit.....

she was ginger!

Jamie120182

tried to Get in the back of a blokes car thinking it was a taxi, bloke was none to impressed,


Slept around one of those yellow and white traffic signs at a junction after a few to many bottles of wine.


Worst by far was, pi**ing on my mates parents fireplace when i as younger. I still dont remember doing it but he assures me I did. The fireplace actually rusted after the incident

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

I do have a mate who reputedly fell asleep whilst at work on the "fur burger" as he so eloquently put it!

Ns04

Dave1980

pmsl never heard it called a fur burger before , the beef curtains was another well known expression.

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Rarely has a euphenism been more apt!

ns04

Dave1980

how about hairy axe wound?

CrisPDuk

Ditto


Only 5 years ago for me

stilover

Bought a Subaru.

DJ Dunk

iTrader: (5)

A daywalker

Respect for getting that far, you must have a cast iron stomach
Mind you, a quick shave downstairs and you'd never know

MJW

Took a dump on a petrol station forecourt. Right under the security camera. It was either that or shat in my pants, I was too drunk to walk to the toilet. It was a good job they had paper towels on the pumps.

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Collar and cuffs matched then!

Shark Man

Wedding do at a posh five star country club/Hotel in Surrey. Stuffy uptight place, full of golfers and hob nobbers.

Not being posh, we borrowed a Bentley Continental T, Dumped outside the reception door, leaving it there for the whole weekend; the Concierge was happy for more affluent gentlemen to be allowed to park their car in the drop-off area. Even though it we wern'te gentleman, and it wasn't our car

BTW, we were sober at this point

After the drink started for this weekend long binge, our distaste for the stuffiness and over-posh establishment became more and more vocal, from the tiny broom cupboard-sized rooms we were upgraded to (chirst, I've been in bigger lifts). Food was pants, ok it was fancy and tasted good...but fill the goddam plate, man. I do recall telling the waiter after main course on the pre-wedding evening that I'll have two more of the same please....and meant it.

Anyhoo, long and short of it was we weren't the only ones who felt like this, and the wedding reception afternoon concluded with us playing footy in the gardens, chasing peacocks, and singing/shouting various songs outside the private grounds at 3ish(?)am in the morning. Much to the displeasure of more established guests and the management.

That's about all I can remember.

Next day, there were doughnut marks on the lawns Which thankfully wasn't made by the Bentley which still sat parked on the p*ss by the reception entrance where we left it. But the look on the faces of other non-party guests and staff said it all. We showed up our lower class, we're the types that made England a scumhole.

Not sure what the happy couple thought about it all...not seen them since

rallying1

Told my Para CSM he was a "sour faced c**t" not a good idea, I hurt for about 3 days but no body knew because I was jailed for it!

SiPie

Sleepwalked bollock naked out of Ex's flat, up a main street and was woken up due to my feet freezing.

Quite a shock to find myself standing outside Dalry filling station at 4am...

SJ_Skyline

Quality

jaytc2003

iTrader: (1)

in my younger days I had no standards with regards the female form. My most embarrsing moment came when I had been out all day and in the evening I pulled the biggest ugliest bird I could find (used to have bets about who could do it and we called it "for the lads")
The embarrasment happened when I shouted out at full pelt across my local that I was going for a sh@g with said bird. Luckily it was raining outside and it managed to sober me up enough to realise what I was about to do. (I think it was rain anyway may have been sweat from her head!)

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Could have been worse: it might have been snowing!!

Ns04

wrx-ian

Coming home form a free festival in my home town. Loadsa police about and according to my other half I walked into the wing mirror of a police van when they were all standing there dressed in riot gear.

Jerome

Managed to **** over the carpet (and a nearby phone) in the living room of a mate's sister many years ago while sleepwalking. I was completely unaware that I'd done it and once they'd managed to wake me up, couldn't believe I'd done it. Never done anything like it before or since.

From the hysterics of the sister, you'd think I was having a dirty protest through the whole flat though. I thoroughly cleaned the area of alleged slashing (I couldn't find any trace of ****...) and I left a shed load of money to get the carpet professionally cleaned as well. Being very annoyed fine, causing the police to be called by the neighbours, who thought she was being murdered, not fine.

Slept in the car for the rest of the night and froze my knackers off.

Good job she didn't see me wiping it clean on the curtains.

KiwiGTI

Did an impromptu break-dancing exhibition in the Munich subway after a night at the Oktoberfest. Got removed by 4 police officers.

Flaps

iTrader: (1)

Probably a pants down race across the Charles Bridge in Prague in broad daylight with people coming the other way. I won though

Simon C

Snap, then spent the rest of the year on prozac.