michaelro

Background:
The missus and I live in a 1900's terraced house (Neighbours can't generally be heard)

Recently both sides have had children. One side has been very quiet the other certainly hasn't.
Basically one side seems to let their child cry for a long time before attending to it.
I realise it can take time to wake, get up and get a bottle etc - But generally the baby cries for at least 30-40 minutes (or 1 hr this morning )

I am a very deep sleeper and the baby usually wakes me up - So I'm not sure this is an excuse.
My partner on the other hand is not - And her lack of sleep in her profession can be dangerous (Nurse).

This is very distressing for a child and I think it shows some neglect / bad parenting.

This is my problem - Should I just put up with the noise or do something about it?
What exactly would you do about it, if you decided to do something?

ScoobyDoo555

Get some ear plugs? tbh, some sympathy might be helpful If they're new parents, it's a BIG learning curve.
The first few months of baby "ownership" can be stressful - especially if the couple aren't handling the transition well.

The crying may not be associated with feeding...... babies pick up on parents not coping/reading the signs properly...

Your other half is in the best position to have a chat if need be - however, not from the "selfish" perspective (as a parent myself, if any of my neighbours had come round complaining, I would have been quite upset and have reacted "badly").....

just my 2p

Dan

Softly, softly is the best approach.

michaelro

I realise new parenting is difficult but the baby is 8 months old now.
A baby crying for nearly an hour at a time is a little extreme.

If I was in the same position I'm sure I'd react in a similar fashion - Which is why we haven't said anything sooner.

Cheers for the advice.

Lydia72

Next time you see the parents you could ask if the baby is teething and kind of drop it in to the conversation but in a sympathetic way. There is a school of thought that if you attend to a crying baby immediately then they will get used to the attention and cry when they don't actually need anything, perhaps the parents think leaving it for longer periods will prevent that (or they could just be wearing ear-plugs).

ScoobyDoo555

ahh - 8 months. Sounds like a teething issue

It WILL get better

Hope you get it sorted though

DAn

michaelro

Cheers for the advice

richardg

that would be my first assumption too. as suggested above, i would try dropping this into polite conversation! - how old now? 8 months, oh how's the baby coping with teething....waking you up much at night?... you get the picture

The Zohan

Being new to parenting can be a challenge. The midwife sholud call every week for the first month or so then less frequently up to aroun d six month (from emeory).

If the baby is being bottle fed that is could be taking th parrents some 20+ mins to get the bottle ready, i know it did us when we first started.

6+ months to around 24 month is usually teething time and this can be a b*itch for th child, parents and neighbours. There is not much you can give them to help at such a young age

Some kids just cry a lot, it may be that are comforting the child during that time you think they are not - the kid could just cry anyhow.

It is a difficult call but best not to fall out unless last resport, perhaps 'engineer' bumping into them outside the house and ask them how things are going, break the ice with them about it and see what they have to say

Bug Eyed Peas

Lydia is correct regarding picking up the baby when crying at first, they just get used to the attention. So therefore, baby thinks if I cry mummy will pick me up.
Parenting is a very hard thing especially if you are new to it. So I personally would take the advice given above and be patient, and drop it lightly into a conversation. Be tactful.

Anthony

AlexJReid

We had upstairs neighbours who used to stomp around, shout and slam doors when my son cried for more than a minute or two at night. Not helpful.

This really added to the stress of being new parents. In addition to keeping baby happy, I stupidly felt an added obligation not to disturb them or otherwise look like a bad parent.

They calmed down when they had a child of their own, thankfully!

KiwiGTI

Nothing wrong with leaving children to cry, the Ferber method is well recognised as a way of dealing with children. (As long as the child is not hungry, in pain or needing changing)

Presumptuous of you to think it's neglect or bad parenting and I can only assume you've never had kids.

michaelro

Presumptuous of you to assume

But you're right - we haven't got kids
However my partner is a Paediatric nurse and doesn't agree with this controversial method....

Scooby Snacks 23

Agree that it's likely to be teething and it is very stressful (and upsetting) for the parents when it's something they can't control!

It will get better (I promise!!)

Hanley

But that's a personal opinion and not one of the relevant health authority.

How do you know the baby is not being comforted for the first 30 - 40 minutes? Maybe the parents are holding the child to try and comfort it...you're just asuming they're leaving he / she to cry.

I have 2 boys, 23 months and 3 months....isn't life fun!!!

scoob_babe

Having had to try and calm down a hysterical 16 month old child on Saturday night, how do you know the parents aren't doing anything?
Nothing I tried worked at all, I picked her up, gave her a cuddle, tried walking around with her to no avail - I was quite amazed how much noise she could make and for how long with a dummy in!!!!!
In the end, I had to just let her do her own thing, stamp around (still shrieking) until she pointed that she wanted to go back to bed. I just let her toddle back to the stairs, pull herself up them (she's VERY independent) and let her get back onto the bed she was sleeping in. She plonked herself down and went to sleep as if she had been switched off!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanley

Yep. That sounds like my life too

zip106

Ha...and mine.
My 16 month old boy is in the final throes of tooth-hood and they're giving him a bit of jip!
For the last week, at least, he has cried on and off for most of the nights, but every time we go in to him, he's still fast asleep....weird.

OzzyWRX

I'm in exactly the same position as your neighbours, my 9 month old boy is going through teething and neither me or my wife are getting any sleep.
The best thing for you to do is invest in some ear plugs and don't get involved, I really doubt your neighbours would appreciate it.

Trout

iTrader: (1)

The 'cry it out' method is well recognised in western culture that celebrates early independence of very young children. It is seen as an abomination in many other cultures where keeping very young children close is the norm.

There is also a well recognised school in the West that suggests that Ferberisation can cause longer term emotional and psychological damage.

Only having experence of one baby directly I can say that we thought about trying it and abandoned the idea as it 'felt' wrong. Our seventeen month old is independent, confident and only cries when he really needs something. He has never cried it out and if he goes to bed and does not go to sleep he "chat's it out' with his favourite stuffed toy

Rannoch

michaelro

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiwiGTI

Nothing wrong with leaving children to cry, the Ferber method is well recognised as a way of dealing with children. (As long as the child is not hungry, in pain or needing changing)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hanley

But that's a personal opinion and not one of the relevant health authority.

So if your child was in hospital and a nurse let him/her cry for 40 minutes or more you'd be happy would you?
How do you know this isn't the opinion of a relevant health authority - Are you trained to deal with children?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hanley

How do you know the baby is not being comforted for the first 30 - 40 minutes?

The crying is constant and unchanging - Being comforted would at least break up the crying to some extent.

Trout

iTrader: (1)

Not always!! Just wait until you have one of your own

supna

How many posters to this thread are actually new parents or parents with older children?

I have a 2 year old girl and she is my first and only (At the moment) We have been very lucky with her and every child is different. The crying can be anything and believe it or not just leaving them to cry does work (within morderation, IMO an hour is too long). Another way new parents do this is that they let the baby cry for 5 minutes and then go in to settle and leave the room for 10 minutes and repeat the process with the time getting longer and longer. Normally once the child is screaming at fever pitch chances are they will give up and go to sleep as the cant scream any longer and are not getting the attention they want.

Teething can be fun though

supna

michaelro

If a child is crying in hospital chances are they are ill and have something to cry about

Is your wife a parent as well as a nurse?

zip106

No, because if my child was in hospital, I'd be there with them, all the time, as has happened for 4 weeks.

ru'

Complain to the council; this is anti-social behaviour, and should be sorted with an ASBO or something.

Only joking (sort of), but what would the responses have been if, instead of a crying kid, this was about loud music or something?

Yep, I don't have kids, but I'd consider it a right nuisance if I was in the original posters position. We should be able to enjoy our properties quietly.

No, I don't have any solutions to a crying kid (obviously), apart from maybe don't have them in the first place!

< flame suit on >

Mitchy260

I have exactly the same problem, however the child is 4yrs old

For about the past week every morning between around 3-5am for about 45mins the child will scream uncontrollably. We live in a new house so we hear everything.

Its driving me nuts.

I have no kids myself at the moment and automatically thought it was bad parenting but its obvious the child is attention seeking and the best way to deal with that is no doubt to leave them to cry and not give them what they want.

At times im sure the child is in pain when crying for 30mins+, you can hear her voicebox get sore and things start to fade out before she goes back to sleep.

For the 1st time last night, silence She slept right through

I hope the ''neglect'' is teaching the kid a lesson.

Phone social services lol, how much trouble would that cause you as a neighbour.

TopBanana

There's nothing you can do except work a little harder and buy a detached house

fast bloke

Just call social services - they are trained to deal with this. Doesn't matter if they don't have kids of their own - they read the book so they will know the right thing to do......

Then the foster parents can worry about the teething and you can get a decent nights sleep

Abdabz

And how would a parent know if the child was randomly crying and not hungry, in pain or needing changing? Juvenile telepathy? Throw of the dice? Attend to baby only three of every four crying sessions?

I know! Let baby sleep on a potty, surrounded by rusks and calpol... Then if it crys you know it needs attending to

FlightMan

Probably something along the lines of "go round and have a quiet word, and ask them to turn the volume down"

For info, you can't do that with a 8th month old baby. As you said, you dont have kids, so you really don't have any idea do you?