Poetry for modern times
17 November 2006, 09:00 AM
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Poetry for modern times
White Van Man
[To the tune of Old King Cole]
White Van Man has a very white van
And a very white van has he.
Except for the dents and the rust by the vents
And some very rude Graf-ee-teeeee.
He drives in his van as fast as he can
And he neither hears nor sees,
He clings to his phone like a dog with a bone
While he steers with one of his kneeeees.
He picks his nose while the tailback grows
And yacks to his front seat crew,
But a fool so rash as to honk or flash
Will receive the fingers twooooo.
Oh, White Van Man has a very wide clan
Who profess no Highway Code,
They'll shunt your rear and yell in your ear
As they U-turn in the roooooad.
He stamps on his brakes when he overtakes
As he cuts up you and me,
For White Van Man has a very white van...
And a very white van has heeeee!
Anti-Social Behaviour Orders
[To the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"]
ASBO, ASBO, little law,
How we wonder what you're for,
Chavs and yobs who love to fight
Terrorise us every night.
Toothless, useless, little law,
How we wonder what you're for.
On the streets with hoods and knives,
How they terrorise our lives,
Though they all should be in bed,
All you do is boost their cred'.
ASBO, ASBO, can't you see
You are an accessory.
ASBO, ASBO, little law,
How we wonder what you're for,
Words will never rule the street,
We need coppers on the beat.
Toothless, useless, little law,
How we wonder what you're for.
[To the tune of Old King Cole]
White Van Man has a very white van
And a very white van has he.
Except for the dents and the rust by the vents
And some very rude Graf-ee-teeeee.
He drives in his van as fast as he can
And he neither hears nor sees,
He clings to his phone like a dog with a bone
While he steers with one of his kneeeees.
He picks his nose while the tailback grows
And yacks to his front seat crew,
But a fool so rash as to honk or flash
Will receive the fingers twooooo.
Oh, White Van Man has a very wide clan
Who profess no Highway Code,
They'll shunt your rear and yell in your ear
As they U-turn in the roooooad.
He stamps on his brakes when he overtakes
As he cuts up you and me,
For White Van Man has a very white van...
And a very white van has heeeee!
Anti-Social Behaviour Orders
[To the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"]
ASBO, ASBO, little law,
How we wonder what you're for,
Chavs and yobs who love to fight
Terrorise us every night.
Toothless, useless, little law,
How we wonder what you're for.
On the streets with hoods and knives,
How they terrorise our lives,
Though they all should be in bed,
All you do is boost their cred'.
ASBO, ASBO, can't you see
You are an accessory.
ASBO, ASBO, little law,
How we wonder what you're for,
Words will never rule the street,
We need coppers on the beat.
Toothless, useless, little law,
How we wonder what you're for.
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