Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
25 August 2006, 03:50 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 4,778
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Memorize these definitions and dumping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing dump in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing dump, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET DUMPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Dumper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet dumper before entering the bathroom.
THE DUMPING FRIENDS NETWORK (DFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency Dumping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET DUMPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A Dumper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before dumping. Walk in, check for other dumpers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK *****
Definition: A crapper that has seen more *** than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK ***** include pubes, **** stains and streaks. Avoid a CRACK ****** at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK ***** can become a SAFE HAVEN.
Memorize these definitions and dumping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing dump in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing dump, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET DUMPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Dumper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet dumper before entering the bathroom.
THE DUMPING FRIENDS NETWORK (DFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency Dumping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET DUMPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A Dumper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before dumping. Walk in, check for other dumpers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK *****
Definition: A crapper that has seen more *** than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK ***** include pubes, **** stains and streaks. Avoid a CRACK ****** at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK ***** can become a SAFE HAVEN.
25 August 2006, 03:55 PM
#3
Scooby Regular
We got this in an email last week at work
Spoilsports
Hi all
Can i just remind staff around the showroom side that the small downstairs toilet here is not to be used
for- ( number two's). For hygiene reasons and customers coming through the showroom door it is not
very pleasant having toilet smells directly at the counter area. If you could all please use the main toilet
around the corner this would be most appreciated.
Thanks for your co-operation !
Spoilsports
Hi all
Can i just remind staff around the showroom side that the small downstairs toilet here is not to be used
for- ( number two's). For hygiene reasons and customers coming through the showroom door it is not
very pleasant having toilet smells directly at the counter area. If you could all please use the main toilet
around the corner this would be most appreciated.
Thanks for your co-operation !
25 August 2006, 03:58 PM
#5
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 4,778
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by *Sonic*
We got this in an email last week at work
Spoilsports
Hi all
Can i just remind staff around the showroom side that the small downstairs toilet here is not to be used
for- ( number two's). For hygiene reasons and customers coming through the showroom door it is not
very pleasant having toilet smells directly at the counter area. If you could all please use the main toilet
around the corner this would be most appreciated.
Thanks for your co-operation !
Spoilsports
Hi all
Can i just remind staff around the showroom side that the small downstairs toilet here is not to be used
for- ( number two's). For hygiene reasons and customers coming through the showroom door it is not
very pleasant having toilet smells directly at the counter area. If you could all please use the main toilet
around the corner this would be most appreciated.
Thanks for your co-operation !
Trending Topics
25 August 2006, 04:15 PM
#8
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 4,778
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Cupramax
Lol, thats an understatement, its prehistoric...
Last edited by RMA26; 25 August 2006 at 04:26 PM.
25 August 2006, 04:21 PM
#9
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (2)
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 2,977
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by RMA26
Althought I admit, I've seen it before, It still brigns a smile to my face!
25 August 2006, 04:22 PM
#10
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Around and about :p
Posts: 26,113
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I Prefer it when *Sonic* has his dump at work, saves the whole house having to be fumigated and the green haze can be annoying 
Not to mention the smell
Not to mention the smell
25 August 2006, 04:24 PM
#11
Scooby Regular
Originally Posted by D.K.1
I Prefer it when *Sonic* has his dump at work, saves the whole house having to be fumigated and the green haze can be annoying
Not to mention the smell
Not to mention the smell
25 August 2006, 04:26 PM
#12
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Around and about :p
Posts: 26,113
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by *Sonic*
Does that smell follow you round from room to room, even when Im at work ?
Oddly enough....No
It only starts when you come in
25 August 2006, 08:24 PM
#14
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Zed Ess Won Hay Tee
Posts: 21,611
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
LMFAO
before i left my old job, i had the biggest, fattest turd in the ladies toilets and never flushed the chain
this was on night shift and there was a team of max 15 people on nights, my mate used to do this all the time, he left tghem to stink the toilets out for the morning shift and all the women were always going on about how the was a woman who never flushed after herself
i was a temp at the time so the risks were high but when i knew i was leaving anyway, i parked my *** and dumped for England, fully loaded with pot noodle Bombay bad boys, i done the team proud
before i left my old job, i had the biggest, fattest turd in the ladies toilets and never flushed the chain
this was on night shift and there was a team of max 15 people on nights, my mate used to do this all the time, he left tghem to stink the toilets out for the morning shift
and all the women were always going on about how the was a woman who never flushed after herself i was a temp at the time so the risks were high
but when i knew i was leaving anyway, i parked my *** and dumped for England, fully loaded with pot noodle Bombay bad boys, i done the team proud
25 August 2006, 08:50 PM
#15
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: just simple old me
Posts: 2,170
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
LMFAO class-
Originally Posted by StickyMicky
LMFAO
before i left my old job, i had the biggest, fattest turd in the ladies toilets and never flushed the chain
this was on night shift and there was a team of max 15 people on nights, my mate used to do this all the time, he left tghem to stink the toilets out for the morning shift and all the women were always going on about how the was a woman who never flushed after herself
i was a temp at the time so the risks were high but when i knew i was leaving anyway, i parked my *** and dumped for England, fully loaded with pot noodle Bombay bad boys, i done the team proud
before i left my old job, i had the biggest, fattest turd in the ladies toilets and never flushed the chain
this was on night shift and there was a team of max 15 people on nights, my mate used to do this all the time, he left tghem to stink the toilets out for the morning shift
and all the women were always going on about how the was a woman who never flushed after herself i was a temp at the time so the risks were high
but when i knew i was leaving anyway, i parked my *** and dumped for England, fully loaded with pot noodle Bombay bad boys, i done the team proud
26 August 2006, 10:59 AM
#16
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Preston, Lancs.
Posts: 2,977
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by StickyMicky
LMFAO
before i left my old job, i had the biggest, fattest turd in the ladies toilets and never flushed the chain
this was on night shift and there was a team of max 15 people on nights, my mate used to do this all the time, he left tghem to stink the toilets out for the morning shift and all the women were always going on about how the was a woman who never flushed after herself
i was a temp at the time so the risks were high but when i knew i was leaving anyway, i parked my *** and dumped for England, fully loaded with pot noodle Bombay bad boys, i done the team proud
before i left my old job, i had the biggest, fattest turd in the ladies toilets and never flushed the chain
this was on night shift and there was a team of max 15 people on nights, my mate used to do this all the time, he left tghem to stink the toilets out for the morning shift
and all the women were always going on about how the was a woman who never flushed after herself i was a temp at the time so the risks were high
but when i knew i was leaving anyway, i parked my *** and dumped for England, fully loaded with pot noodle Bombay bad boys, i done the team proud John.
26 August 2006, 06:20 PM
#19
BANNED
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: --------------------
Posts: 13,289
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by danwrx1980
Did you put a layer of bog roll down first so it was in contact with the atmosphere, or was it sunken and just looked nasty?
Dan
Dan
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Scott@ScoobySpares
Full Cars Breaking For Spares
61
11 January 2021 03:08 PM
Scott@ScoobySpares
Full Cars Breaking For Spares
7
14 December 2015 08:16 AM