How to shower like a women....
26 June 2006, 11:56 AM
#1
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How to shower like a women....
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in the laundry basket according to lights & darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way cover up any exposed area.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth,arm cloth,leg cloth,long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with enhanced ingredients of grapefruit and mint.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub.
Wash entire body with ginger nut and jaffa cake wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair-Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower-squeeze off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower-Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown with the hand towel on head.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take clothes off while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in a pile on the floor.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife/girlfriend along the way, shake your **** at her making the "woo-woo"sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your **** and scratch your ****.
Get in the shower
Pee
Wash your face
Wash your armpits
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your ****, leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair
Make a shampoo mohawk
Rinse off and get out of the shower
Partially dry off
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of the bath the whole time.
Admire **** size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open,wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
If you pass your wife/girlfriend.pull off towel, shake **** at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Old I know but I bet you are laughing
chop
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way cover up any exposed area.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth,arm cloth,leg cloth,long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with enhanced ingredients of grapefruit and mint.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub.
Wash entire body with ginger nut and jaffa cake wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair-Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower-squeeze off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower-Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown with the hand towel on head.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take clothes off while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in a pile on the floor.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife/girlfriend along the way, shake your **** at her making the "woo-woo"sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your **** and scratch your ****.
Get in the shower
Pee
Wash your face
Wash your armpits
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your ****, leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair
Make a shampoo mohawk
Rinse off and get out of the shower
Partially dry off
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of the bath the whole time.
Admire **** size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open,wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
If you pass your wife/girlfriend.pull off towel, shake **** at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Old I know but I bet you are laughing
chop
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26 June 2006, 07:05 PM
#9
A few of my own,
Gag at the smell of pub carpet that eminates from your hair when it gets wet, thats only post pub, not every day.
Fart with full power and aggression, safe in the knowledge that following through is not a problem.
Tread on Boba Fett, a small soldier or some vehicle left by the kids, move it out of the bath but have a quick play (with the car) while no ones looking.
Knock several different potions, lotions and other female related crap into the bath, briefly consider lacing her Femfresh with Chilli Sauce, Hmm kebab with extra Chilli then reject the idea based on the fact I may never see it again if I do.
Slip, narrowly avoiding compound fractures by hitting something hard with something fleshy, curse the need for women to wallow in stuff that makes the bath greasy.
Get out of the shower, dry, decide I need a poo, repeat shower as you cant wipe a wet **** properly, just doesnt work. Search for suitable reading material, spend twenty minutes comparing 30-70 times in the back of autocar.
Realise that the bath mat, floor and everything else is wet, realise that I will be in trouble when she eventually gets up.
Wonder why all three kids, the missus and whoever else is around needs to use that specific bathroom at that precise moment, fifteen times.
Make a tummy omlette.......
Have a proper man bath, 4 foot deep, loats of foam, hot enough to melt the bath, so hot that if the missus nips in she scalds herself over two hours later, also commonly known as a Monkey Bath, due to the noise you make as your ******* enters the water, ooo oooo oooo.
Get out of man bath, spend twenty minutes sat on the side on the verge of conciousness, folllowed by several large cups of water.
Make really cool farty noises with the suction between your back and an empty but wet bath.
Dont forget a can of Stella if you are having a bath, preferably two if you have an unread car magazine, get everything ready, run half the bath and run out of hot water.
Contemplate getting a tv fitted at the other end of the bath, behind perspex, mental note to check Ebay for waterproof remotes, dream of watching a bluey in the bath.
And for her
Repeatdley tell me to 'get out you pervert'
Shout at me for leaving the door open by 2mm cos ITS COLD, cold in a centrally heated house coming from a bathroom that you cant see anything in because of the superheated steam.
Shout at me for catching her shaving her intimate areas, why, men love stuff like that, its not like I wont notice that it doesnt look like shes harbouring a small hairy dog in there, or has walked straight out of a 1970's porno.
Gag at the smell of pub carpet that eminates from your hair when it gets wet, thats only post pub, not every day.
Fart with full power and aggression, safe in the knowledge that following through is not a problem.
Tread on Boba Fett, a small soldier or some vehicle left by the kids, move it out of the bath but have a quick play (with the car) while no ones looking.
Knock several different potions, lotions and other female related crap into the bath, briefly consider lacing her Femfresh with Chilli Sauce, Hmm kebab with extra Chilli then reject the idea based on the fact I may never see it again if I do.
Slip, narrowly avoiding compound fractures by hitting something hard with something fleshy, curse the need for women to wallow in stuff that makes the bath greasy.
Get out of the shower, dry, decide I need a poo, repeat shower as you cant wipe a wet **** properly, just doesnt work. Search for suitable reading material, spend twenty minutes comparing 30-70 times in the back of autocar.
Realise that the bath mat, floor and everything else is wet, realise that I will be in trouble when she eventually gets up.
Wonder why all three kids, the missus and whoever else is around needs to use that specific bathroom at that precise moment, fifteen times.
Make a tummy omlette.......
Have a proper man bath, 4 foot deep, loats of foam, hot enough to melt the bath, so hot that if the missus nips in she scalds herself over two hours later, also commonly known as a Monkey Bath, due to the noise you make as your ******* enters the water, ooo oooo oooo.
Get out of man bath, spend twenty minutes sat on the side on the verge of conciousness, folllowed by several large cups of water.
Make really cool farty noises with the suction between your back and an empty but wet bath.
Dont forget a can of Stella if you are having a bath, preferably two if you have an unread car magazine, get everything ready, run half the bath and run out of hot water.
Contemplate getting a tv fitted at the other end of the bath, behind perspex, mental note to check Ebay for waterproof remotes, dream of watching a bluey in the bath.
And for her
Repeatdley tell me to 'get out you pervert'
Shout at me for leaving the door open by 2mm cos ITS COLD, cold in a centrally heated house coming from a bathroom that you cant see anything in because of the superheated steam.
Shout at me for catching her shaving her intimate areas, why, men love stuff like that, its not like I wont notice that it doesnt look like shes harbouring a small hairy dog in there, or has walked straight out of a 1970's porno.
26 June 2006, 08:27 PM
#12
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally Posted by J4CKO
A few of my own,
Gag at the smell of pub carpet that eminates from your hair when it gets wet, thats only post pub, not every day.
Fart with full power and aggression, safe in the knowledge that following through is not a problem.
Tread on Boba Fett, a small soldier or some vehicle left by the kids, move it out of the bath but have a quick play (with the car) while no ones looking.
Knock several different potions, lotions and other female related crap into the bath, briefly consider lacing her Femfresh with Chilli Sauce, Hmm kebab with extra Chilli then reject the idea based on the fact I may never see it again if I do.
Slip, narrowly avoiding compound fractures by hitting something hard with something fleshy, curse the need for women to wallow in stuff that makes the bath greasy.
Get out of the shower, dry, decide I need a poo, repeat shower as you cant wipe a wet **** properly, just doesnt work. Search for suitable reading material, spend twenty minutes comparing 30-70 times in the back of autocar.
Realise that the bath mat, floor and everything else is wet, realise that I will be in trouble when she eventually gets up.
Wonder why all three kids, the missus and whoever else is around needs to use that specific bathroom at that precise moment, fifteen times.
Make a tummy omlette.......
Have a proper man bath, 4 foot deep, loats of foam, hot enough to melt the bath, so hot that if the missus nips in she scalds herself over two hours later, also commonly known as a Monkey Bath, due to the noise you make as your ******* enters the water, ooo oooo oooo.
Get out of man bath, spend twenty minutes sat on the side on the verge of conciousness, folllowed by several large cups of water.
Make really cool farty noises with the suction between your back and an empty but wet bath.
Dont forget a can of Stella if you are having a bath, preferably two if you have an unread car magazine, get everything ready, run half the bath and run out of hot water.
Contemplate getting a tv fitted at the other end of the bath, behind perspex, mental note to check Ebay for waterproof remotes, dream of watching a bluey in the bath.
And for her
Repeatdley tell me to 'get out you pervert'
Shout at me for leaving the door open by 2mm cos ITS COLD, cold in a centrally heated house coming from a bathroom that you cant see anything in because of the superheated steam.
Shout at me for catching her shaving her intimate areas, why, men love stuff like that, its not like I wont notice that it doesnt look like shes harbouring a small hairy dog in there, or has walked straight out of a 1970's porno.
Gag at the smell of pub carpet that eminates from your hair when it gets wet, thats only post pub, not every day.
Fart with full power and aggression, safe in the knowledge that following through is not a problem.
Tread on Boba Fett, a small soldier or some vehicle left by the kids, move it out of the bath but have a quick play (with the car) while no ones looking.
Knock several different potions, lotions and other female related crap into the bath, briefly consider lacing her Femfresh with Chilli Sauce, Hmm kebab with extra Chilli then reject the idea based on the fact I may never see it again if I do.
Slip, narrowly avoiding compound fractures by hitting something hard with something fleshy, curse the need for women to wallow in stuff that makes the bath greasy.
Get out of the shower, dry, decide I need a poo, repeat shower as you cant wipe a wet **** properly, just doesnt work. Search for suitable reading material, spend twenty minutes comparing 30-70 times in the back of autocar.
Realise that the bath mat, floor and everything else is wet, realise that I will be in trouble when she eventually gets up.
Wonder why all three kids, the missus and whoever else is around needs to use that specific bathroom at that precise moment, fifteen times.
Make a tummy omlette.......
Have a proper man bath, 4 foot deep, loats of foam, hot enough to melt the bath, so hot that if the missus nips in she scalds herself over two hours later, also commonly known as a Monkey Bath, due to the noise you make as your ******* enters the water, ooo oooo oooo.
Get out of man bath, spend twenty minutes sat on the side on the verge of conciousness, folllowed by several large cups of water.
Make really cool farty noises with the suction between your back and an empty but wet bath.
Dont forget a can of Stella if you are having a bath, preferably two if you have an unread car magazine, get everything ready, run half the bath and run out of hot water.
Contemplate getting a tv fitted at the other end of the bath, behind perspex, mental note to check Ebay for waterproof remotes, dream of watching a bluey in the bath.
And for her
Repeatdley tell me to 'get out you pervert'
Shout at me for leaving the door open by 2mm cos ITS COLD, cold in a centrally heated house coming from a bathroom that you cant see anything in because of the superheated steam.
Shout at me for catching her shaving her intimate areas, why, men love stuff like that, its not like I wont notice that it doesnt look like shes harbouring a small hairy dog in there, or has walked straight out of a 1970's porno.
27 June 2006, 10:33 AM
#16
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Originally Posted by J4CKO
Get out of man bath, spend twenty minutes sat on the side on the verge of conciousness, folllowed by several large cups of water.
chop
27 June 2006, 10:50 AM
#17
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Originally Posted by J4CKO
Make really cool farty noises with the suction between your back and an empty but wet bath.
PMSL!!
