D.K.1

probably going to spark off a bit of a debate here, but...

This post is mainly aimed at fathers of children who have seperated from the childs mother

Is the fact that you get on with your ex or not, relevent to how you feel about your child / children?

Despite wether you hate her or not, would you deprive that child / children of money for clothes and food and other things they may need as they grow up?

I am of the opinion that most decent blokes would do their utmost to see and provide for their child / children, despite whatever differences they may or may not have with the child's mother.

Yet some hardly bother to see their children, let alone pay any maintainance to help with the likes of shoes and school uniforms and so on.

I don't agree with women ripping blokes off for all they can get out of a bloke once they have seperated, but I do believe that the father still has as much responsibility in the providing and upbringing of that child / children and it is IMO wrong that in some cases, the mother would gladly let the father see the child / children, yet the father just can't be bothered or has far more important things to do that spend time with them.

When you are all together before any kind of seperation, the father provides, yet when seperation occurs, some seem to think they can spend that money on whatever they feel like and start going out and having a good time and so on, yet, what about the child's needs?

Is it fair that they should miss out on seeing as much of their father and deprived of the things they used to have because their mother is struggling to make ends meet and the father now wants to spend *his* money on anything but his children?

OllyK

It would be nice if more people took the responsibility to avoid breeding in the first place rather than trying to sort the mess out after the fact.

Neverguess

I like your thinking, if only it were that easy

I would only stop seeing or paying for my child if it was ugly

D.K.1

OK, so if you're in a stable marriage and have a child / children, then after a few years the marriage breaks down, is it wrong to expect the father to take his responsibility towards their children seriously, or should he just forget they ever existed and never pay a penny?


After all, he helped bring that child into the world, the least he could do is support their needs

OllyK

What does the pre-nup say?

Neverguess

Should this be on an email to someone?? I'm getting a vibe

D.K.1

Nope, just wondering what most fathers would do, that's all

D.K.1

What pre nup?

Graz

Change the oil regularly, good fully synthetic, follow the service schedule......







..... oh sorry it's child maintainance not car Couldn't resist

OllyK

If you decide to have a child together, how hard is it to agree as part of that process what the parental responsibilites are if there should be a future break up? With something like 1 in 3 marriages ending in divorce, to not make some kind of provision up front would strike me as foolhardy.

Neverguess

Don't have kids, spend all your money on yourself

davegtt

Nice too see the modern woman who wants equal rights seems to expect that the child be kept with the mother and the father has to pay maintenance. If it was me Id be bending over backwards to keep my child and make sure you wouldnt have to pay a penny to the woman.

peace

SJ_Skyline

I could never bring myself to pay for a ginger child....

D.K.1

If that was the case, I wouldn't be happy about giving my children up, but would be pleased that the father would want the children and bring them up properly and so on, AND I would pay a reasonable amount of maintainance for the children, why should they go without?

It usually is the case that the woman ends up with the kids though

D.K.1

The point is, CHILD maintainance is meant to provide for the child, not for the mother to go spending ***** nilly. If a mother does that then she is depriving her shild too

Ray_li

If I got a girl pregnant and I didn't want to keep the baby but she did would I still have to pay child support?

just asking

*Sonic*

Pre Nups as stated in other threads arent legal and binding, and arent worth the paper they are written on

Plus as a parent there is a legal parental responsibilty, ie it is the LAW to provide for your children till they finish education, especially after marriage, parents on the birth cirtificates etc

If we all thought we would break up a few years down the line, most people probably wouldnt bother entering into a marriage, have a family etc

Entering into a marriage/long term relationship, planning a family, and then from the outset planning on the break up terms is a bit of a stupid way to start out if you ask me

Unless your Paul Macartney

Are you saying we should now include break up terms as part of the marriage vows?

If I was a father I would make damn sure I would get to see my kids as often as I could to ensure I still had a hand in their upbringing, im sure most fathers would do the same

Julian MY1993 WRX for one, is a good example of someone who would do whatever he can to see his daughter and help pay for her upbringing and needs despite the constant objections from his daughters mother and denied access

speed demoness

i left my now ex husband about 5 years ago.... it was a verbal agreement that 5 years ago he paid me a set amount for the each of our 3 girls monthly..... thing is .. that amount has never increased in the last 5 years!
Every time i've asked... i always get the same response... i'm broke.. i can't afford much more at the moment.Yet at the weekend... he's going to Italy for his first holiday abroad ever ( albeit with his parents and sisters!.. jeez.. he's 45 years old !)
3 years ago, i moved 125 miles away from him to be with my current partner who treats my kids as his own and loves them just as much as if they were his girls. Thing is also.. whenever he has the kids... it's always me who has todo the drive to Manchester to drop them off, and usually he'll meet me at a turn off on the A1(M) when they're coming home... only around 50 miles for him to drive... around 70 for me. he's been up here the entire way once... and a few time's i've managed to get him to Scotch Corner to pick them up.
Obvioulsy we all know the fuel consumption in a scoob... costs me a bloody fortune to go to Manchester and back

He got off lightly in the divorce settlement too coz he claimed he was skint.... either that or i was too bloody soft !!!!!!!
*rant over*

Neverguess

I think if that happens, should give the child all your money, your house and any other worldly goods you possess as well as being castrated because you are too dumb to have any more kids in my opinion

OllyK

Yup - but there should be an opt out clause, you'll pay the cost of the abortion, after that the choice is hers

Neverguess

My he was a catch, why did you split up??

OllyK

No they are not legally binding but a court will take them in to account. My point is that some people think ahead and make provision for eventualities no matter how unpleasant they may seem at the time and others just wander from one crisis to the next expecting other people to sort their mess out.

speed demoness

hmmm.. maybe it was the fact he never did anything with us a a family group... always to happy to go out and play on his motorbikes/mountain bikes!

D.K.1

Sounds familiar.

Too many cases end up like yours I think

At the end of the day, most parent's main concern should be the children

Ray_li

that's stupid.

but I like your way of thinking.

D.K.1

If you don't want to have a child, make sure you don't spill your seeds

speed demoness

thing is tho.. my partner is getting a little bit like this too... he knows why i split with my ex... yet he still goes out on his new bike 'just to put miles on for it's first service'
but I will praise him for the holidays he's taken us on, and days out etc.
I was married to my ex for 12 years.... and my current partner has taken our family unit out more in teh last 5 years than my ex ever did !!!!

OllyK

Not so, just use one of the other 2 available ports!

speed demoness

or try a blow up doll !!!!!

D.K.1

Thing is though, if he treats them as his own and spends far more family time etc, then he must be worth keeping, bike or no bike