ScoobywagonGl

My ex has a parental responsibility order for our son, and we are also following a court order. However he has not been sticking to his access. He swapped the last day visit so that he could have our son for the long weekend this weekend. Our son is quite poorly at the moment so I called him last night to tell him this and to tell him that I didn't feel he was well enough to be travelling up there whilst he is so poorly and very clingy with me. His dad has basically gone mad at me on the phone as he was taking Tom on holiday for a long weekend.
In the parental responsibility order I was told that he could only take our son away with my permission but I knew nothing about it until today
I have also invited him to come here and stay for a couple of days so that he could see his son, it has now been 6 weeks since he has seen him.

Where do I stand with this? Should I just get in touch with my solicitor? or try and sort it with him once he has calmed down?

*the court order was wrote up and completed last June (almost 12 months)

Jonathan Davies

These things are always very difficult.

Parental responsibilty doesn't mean custody or access rights though - those are separate issues.

This seems to be about access. As I understand it, you've agreed to vary your usual access arrangements so that ex could have a long weekend with your son... he's missed a day so he could have an extra one this weekend is it? And you don't want him to have your son this weekend cos he's not well.

If I've understood that right (apols in advance if I haven't) then I can see why ex is pissed off - he feels like he's lost a day of access. In terms of where you stand, it sounds like you have custody and your ex has limited access - if that's right then there's not much your ex can do. He has no legal right to take your son on holiday unless (i) the court access order says so or (ii) you agree.

I don't see the point in you calling your lawyer - what do you want him/her to do?

Sadly, once people with kids stop getting on, the chances of a clean solution are more or less zero. Any variation of the court order can be seen as an attack/blame thing or breach of trust, and without some trust there will always be difficulties sharing access and child-raising.

Sorry if this seems downbeat. I used to work in family law and I find custody issues a very depressing thing. I think your position is legally ok to be honest, unless you're worried about abduction or something. In family terms it's a different matter, but we can all only do our best.

Practically, I'd say give it a while and try talking again. It's best to stick to agreements if at all possible but I know nothing of your arrangements and don't want to tell you what you should be doing.

Jamie

Citizens advice Bureau might be worth a phone call tams.

Miss Kinky

check everything carefully... my ex's family had property abroad, so i made doubly sure that he couldn't take my son abroad without written consent...

we haven't stuck to our custody arrangement either, but then we have an amicable relationship now and arrange access to suit ourselves

ScoobywagonGl

Johnathon, thankyou, you did get it right but I was curious as to where I stood with him taking Tom on holiday without me knowing.

I did invite him to spend the weekend here with our son as I have to keep an eye on his temperature (very raised and can't get it to drop) therefore cannot really let him go out of my sight at the moment incase he starts fitting. His dad refused point blank to come and see his son as he couldnt have his own way (even though his child is very poorly) so I said to him that he was beingvery unfair on him and that I would let him explain to his son why he isn't coming.

This seemed to work and he is now coming down for 2 hours tomorrow afternoon still I can't complain at least he is coming to see him.

Thankyou.

MK I will bear that in mind

Jonathan Davies

It sounds like you're being very reasonable. Hope it goes ok for you all.