Gav

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and
bragged that
despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3
times a night.

Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show,
Cilla said, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv
to 'ave sex with
yer. Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun.

So they went back to her place. After a couple of drinks
they went off
to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.

Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let
me shleep for
half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm
shleeping, hold
my ***** in your left hand and ma willie in your right
hand".

Cilla looks a bit perplexed,but says "Okay".

He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even
better sex than
before.

Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you
let me shleep for
an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have
to......." "I know
Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n ***** again.
No problem hun".

Cilla complies with the routine. The results this time
are absolutely
mind blowing.

Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a
cigarette and Cilla
asks "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer ***** in one hand
and yer willie in
de other - does it really stimulate yer dat much?"

Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I
shlept with a
scouser, she stole ma wallet !".

Brendan Hughes

wiping my monitor now...

davegtt

EWW you wasnt tugging off at the thought of Mr Connery and Miss Black getting their rocks off were you?

MJW

Here's another one ....

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball dont knock out any windows. Itll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, lets go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry about that." the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. Im a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. Youve released me. Im allowed to grant three wishes- I'll give you each one wish, and Ill keep the last one for myself."

"OK, great!" the husband said. “I want a million quid a year for the rest of my life." "No problem-its the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And whats your wish, genie?” the husband said.

"Well, since Ive been trapped in that bottle, I havent had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I dont care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies? Thats amazing."

Sub97

Like them both

Sub97

***** - double post!