Take this with you tonight.....
18 February 2006, 12:41 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Between the Fens and the Wolds.
Posts: 3,027
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Take this with you tonight.....
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE SYMPTOM CAUSE CORRECTIVE ACTION
Feet cold and wetGlass Being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Feet warm and wetImproper Bladder Control
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training
Beer unusually pale and tastelessa. Glass empty.
b. You're holding a Bud Lite
Get someone to buy you another beer
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lightsYou have fallen over backward.
Have yourself leashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashesYou have fallen forward
See above
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is weta. Mouth not open
b. Glass applied to wrong part of face
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror
Floor BlurredYou are looking through bottom of empty glass
Get someone to buy you another beer
Floor movingYou are being carried out
Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Room seems unusually darkBar has closed
Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and texturesBeer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside
Everyone looks up to you and smilesYou are dancing on the table
Fall on someone cushy-looking
Beer is crystal-clearIt's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up
Punch him
People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeupYou're in the ladies' room
Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clearYou have been in a fight
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're inYou've wandered into the wrong party
See if they have free beer
Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunka. You're in jail
b. You're in the navy
Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach
You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chapsYou're in a gay bar
Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs
Your singing sounds distortedThe beer is too weak
Have more beer until your voice improves
Don't remember the words to the songBeer is just right
Play air guitar
Last edited by Apparition; 18 February 2006 at 12:47 PM.
18 February 2006, 02:08 PM
#2
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: N. London/Herts
Posts: 331
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by Apparition
You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chapsYou're in a gay bar
Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs
Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs
PMSL
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
martyrobertsdj
ScoobyNet General
3
01 December 2007 06:23 PM