Jontyclassic"00"

Hi all,

Just needed to post this to clear my chest. I've come to a decision already, but wanted to share my woes and see what happens.

Brief History:

Been with my girlfriend for 2 years, she has a 10yr old daughter, and I have a 4yr old from a previous marriage, that ended when I was widowed.

Things have gotten progresivly worse over the last 6 months in terms of her attitude towards my daughter. Thought it would change, but it hasn't. Time has come for me to take a stand and move on. I can't bare to see my daughter treated like she is. Should have done it sooner, but my relationship with g/f was ok, and I guess I chose to ignore it.

Still love g/f, so don't want to unduly hurt her by saying the reason I'm leaving is due to my daughter (Cue massive row as she is already jealous of her!)

There are other reasons, such as insane jealousy, keeping me tied to the home, and not allowing me to see friends/family without it causing a major row/death stares. Came to a head over Christmas, so now I planning my departure.

I know it's for the best, but know there's going to be hard times ahead.

We rent together, so I'll need to arrange a new school/house etc.

UPDATE:

Well, I finally told GF that I was going to leave as I was unhappy. At first I thought it would be quite easy, as she told me she had been looking at house's to buy, as she knew something was up. We talked, but in the end it we agreed it best. We then went through various stages in seperation, which ranged from her pleeding with me not to go, to me thinking should I stay, crying etc etc. We stayed in our rented house, as we didn't tell the kids straight away. Things were ok, we both started looking for somewhere to live, and planning the stuff that goes with a split. However this last Thursday evening, things took a turn. GF said she thought it would be best if I moved out. A little out of the blue, but I thought, whatever. After tean on Friday she broke down in tears, saying she couldn't spend another night in the same house, and she'd phoned her mum, asking to stay with her. She asked if I'd be out by Saturday evening, and I thought ok.

She said she'd be back on Saturday.

In the mean time I started to pack my stuff up, as my daughter was in bed.

Saturday morning came and went, and at dinner time she came back. She'd changed into the physco bi**h from hell. "what you taking!?"..."where's this, where's that!?". I think she was expecting me to leave everything that I'd ever bought, but she was wrong. "where's the cam corder!?" Told her I was taking it, as I'd bought it. Don't know why she was being like she was, but she'd lost the plot.

She asked me if I told Georgia, and I had, coz when she got up, she wanted to know where GF and her daughter was? I sat her down and told her that we were leaving because things weren't good, and I was unhappy etc. Didn't make it too difficult for her to take in. She promptly started asking me what she could do to help, and was excited to pack. I had to tell her not to act too excited, as it would upset GF even more. My daughter is as happy as ever, and I've not heard her laugh as much for a long time. She want's lots of cuddles, but I'm ok with that. (Making up for lost time, is how I see it). Never got to cuddle her when GF was there, due to the daggers I'd get

When I told her I'd told her, she said goodbye to Georgia, and said she'd never see her again, but then gave my daughter her commiserations, as she had me as a dad. There was just no need for it, and fortunately she didn't understand. GF was like this evil "thing", called me all the names under the sun. "Bad father", "w****r", "no one will ever hate you as much as I do", etc etc. She thrust her daughter at me, saying "look what you've done to my daughter!" When I said the reason I was leaving was because what you've done to my daughter, she wasn't having any of it.

Made her cut up the joint account switch card, as I don't trust her not to spend loads on it. I know we'd both be liable, but I'd rather pay half of what we owe, rather than half of what she racks up!

Don't know what else she could do, but I'm worried somewhere along the line she'll try to stitch me up. Moved my car on Sunday, again because I think she would trash it, and I wouldn't know where I'd stand, and I could do without the hassle.

I have some big stuff left there, bed, furniture etc, and when my new house is ready, I'll go get it. After that we have the rental bond to sort, and that's it.

Daughter starts her new school in a couple of weeks, as she has a party coming up, and I want to keep some structure in place for a while. It's her birthday (5), so we went out yesterday for tea, with my mum and dad, and one of my aunt's/uncle.

Everyone so pleased to see me, and glad I've left her. I feel glad to, and know things are on the up. You reflect at times like these, and I knew what was wrong with GF, but never did anything about it. I stayed for too long, and will never make the same mistake again. I think she has some real issues, as her outburst confirmed. She made me cut my family out, or more's to the point I let her. I was frightened of her, and deep down she knew it, and played on it. I hope she learns from this, as I have, coz otherwise both her and her daughter will grow up with real problems.

Onwards and upwards for 2006.

Oh, and by the way, scoob no longer for sale. Been to TSL and Scooby Clinic to see what I can spend my money on!!

J

Reality

Don't know if you've considered counselling but sounds like you both could benefit.

Seems a shame to dump the g/f if you still love her without giving it "one last try"

Obviously don't know the details of what's been tried / said done but from what you've said you could be making a hasty decision.

Good Luck.

Gutmann pug

Good luck matey, been through that kind of shxt myself in the past and its not nice, BUT something has to be done.

Gary

deano

Jealousy is down to insecurity, send her round here and I will **** it out of her

Wish

iTrader: (2)

Yep, Sounds like you have made your mind up. And good luck to you.
Having a child of my own can understand where your coming from. Sounds like your going to have a mare of a time telling her and keep the distance needed to move on.
By the tone in your post you reaslise shes going to hound you like you were a fox.

Good luck for 2006

scoobyangel

such a shame... but your daughter is and always will be your first love and main priority... she has a child of her own, she should understand the difference in the love for your child and your love for a partner... would she feel the same if you treated her son badly.. would she put you before him.. i think not...

get out, sounds tough i know, but you have to put your little girl first and having a "step" parent that is not able to love and parent as if the child was their own is a step parent not worth having.

sure, upheavel and upset will happen, it is inevitable, but time sorts that out, as long as you can keep stable enough for your little girl to be happy and secure she iwll not be too traumatised, that is your main job.


good luck

Jontyclassic"00"

bttt

seab

Never been through that myself, but admire your courage to do something about it my freind! good luck and hope things work out for you and your daughter.

T4molie

I can only echo the words of seab but it also sounds like you made the right move

As you say Jonty - onwards and upwards

Gav

Sound like the best thing for you and your daughter. Hope 2006 is a great fresh start for you

Gav..

V1CK1

Good luck for the future

TelBoy

J, great to hear it's turned out so well - these things often do. Hopefully she won't stalk you. One question though - why WAS she so hostile to your daughter? Four year old girls are, or should be, delightful, for most of the time at least! What was the story there?

sti-04!!

Well done mate.

There is some nutcases out there, that blame you for everything & make you out to be the ****, but underneath it all, they are just nutters

2000TLondon

Good for you! Hope you can resist the urge for one last jump if you bump into her! Never go back!

An ex of mine turned out to be a bit loony, problem was I moved in to rent a room from her, she "seduced me" and I put up with **** like that for about a year as I was paying my rent "in kind"

Ended very messily (plate throwing, knives, threats, kicked in the nuts) (she had a violent childhood, luckily for everyone I didn't), but I was lucky I had no other responsibilities.

Glad your daughter is happier, that is the most important thing and proves you've done the right thing.

davyboy

Bitches......they try all the emotions to get what they want

Patt@firstime

Well said, they can also change personality quicker than a snake can shed it's skin

scoobypreza

I really hope things work out for you and your daughter.

Best wishes to you both

cath

Jontyclassic"00"

TelBoy: Tough one. She seemed to be jealous of the relationship we had. If my daughter wanted to hold my hand, GF would push in between us. She'd try every trick in the book to drive a wedge in between us. She wanted us to try for our own kid, but I just knew she wanted that to try and seperate us. As you say, most 4 year olds are delightful, and my daughter went from being this to withdrawn, quiet and very cautious around her. Made me take a good hard look at myself, as Christmas was the worst time of my life. Christmas for kids should be happy, yet my daughter hardly mustered a laugh all the time she had off.

In the end, were better off out. Things can only get better.

Thanks to all for their words.

J

john_s

iTrader: (1)

Good on you for doing what you've had to do!

Here's to a better year for you this year.

John.