scoobyvirgin

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"

:crackup:


A chap was working in the garden last weekend and his wife was
about to take a shower. The chap realised that he couldn't find the rake.

He yelled up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"

She couldn't hear him and she shouted back, "What?"

The chap pointed to his eye, then to his knee and made a raking motion.

His wife wasn't sure and said "What?"

The chap repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - the Rake"

The wife replied that she understands and signals back. She first
points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her bum, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to sussing that one. Exasperated, he went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"

She replies,


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"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - the Bush" !!!!

alloy

sti-04!!

pauld37

Mark Miwurdz

Bloke's in a hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask when a nurse walks in.
"Are my ********* black?", he says. The nurse decides to ignore this comment and carries on with her work.
"Are my ********* black?", asks the patient again.
With sigh of resignation, the nurse puts down her chart and pulls the patient's sheets back. She undoes his pyjamas, reaches inside and takes hold of his tool, gently lifts it to one side then carefully examines each pod rolling each one round between thumb and forefinger.
"Mr Smith, your tecticles are completely normal"
The patient slips the mask off and says, "That was very nice nurse but I wanted to know if my test results were back"