J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Well, strap it (badly) to the roof of a VW Sharan (launch vehicle), accelerate up to 35/40 miles per hour and approach a Transit luton vehicle doing about sixty in the opposite direction, the air pressure generated is enough to send a King size Sealy Posturepedic at least 15 feet into the air and it travelled about thirty feet horizontally, the lift characteristics are such that it inverted, stalled and fell to earth, a more aerodymanic mattress could have doubled this distance, a poor showing from Sealy.

Upon landing, the mattress was found to be intact, the internal bracing bore the brunt of the landing forces which caused significant deformation to the structure, again it is felt that Sealy should have designed the external skin with a higher resistance to the high coeficient of friction generated by the high speed deceleration on dry tarmac, perhaps fitting knee sliders at the extremities could help, Sealy have been negligent in their treatment of this design factor, there was a large ammount of damage to both the frame and the covering rendering the sample scrap.

The crash investigation board have cited improper use of 'Duck Tape' (TM - toss method) in the launch mechanism as the cause of the incident, future recommendations are to remove all seats from the launch vehicle and place the mattress inside, the pilot has been charged by the prosecution on the following,

Charges,

1 Count of cannot be arsed
2 Useless Lazy *******
3 What the f*ck do we sleep on tonight ?

Sentenced to a week in the Doghouse (suspended sentence, as the prosecution was pissing herself)
Fine of 300 uk pounds (new mattress)
Life sentence of laughing stock, no chance of parole


This is a really good experiment to try if you want to put people off asking you to move mattresses around.

J4CKO (head investigator)

NMTSB (National Mattress Transportation Safety Board)

ben44

LMAO

Duct tape? WTF was you thinking lol

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Have used it before to move all sorts strapped to cars, it was the van that caused it, honest.

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

Muppet

Some other feejit in a Escort van nearly did the same....but the ropes were too secure at the back. Consequently, when it exceeded 40mph, the front of matress flung up vertically and the van had suddenly gained a very impressive air-brake

David Lock

Was anybody asleep on mattress at type of said incident?

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

Was anybody asleep on mattress at type of said incident?

No, that would have kept it on the roof.

David Lock

Silly me - didn't think of that

Luminous

iTrader: (3)

Brilliantly written Would love to have seen that

Am just glad that it did not come off the roof and cause an accident






You stupid bugger

Vegescoob

Mine was 4 off 8x4 plastic faced ply sheets for the slidy doors on wardrobes.
Badly strapped to the roof of a Mini Traveller.
Luckily only in town so slow speed, landed in road, run over by one vehicle, no harm to anyone.
They were ok though, strapped on properly, off home.
Doors made up and fitted.
Taught me to take great care over such things in future.

Brendan Hughes

Almost did this on Sat night with 8x4 of MDF, not very well secured with bungy straps and coming back on the motorway

Cracked my arial mount too, I just noticed

ajm

and you drive a VW Shazza.... could it get any more embarrassing?!

cigarboy

Sliding a matress down the stairs is always good fun. Dowsing the back area with petrol and setting fire to it just before you push off and mount gets you double points.

Leslie

Somehow that reminds me of "Keeping Up Appearances"

Les

J4CKO

iTrader: (1)

and you drive a VW Shazza.... could it get any more embarrassing?!

My wife does !

Due to the fact I am such a manly fertile bloke, I impregnated her a third time, that cost me a T5 Volvo and necessitated the above vehicle, kids dont fit in an Elise !