Guidelines to making the most of your IT department
02 September 2005, 03:42 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Parts Unknown (even to me!)
Posts: 1,964
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Guidelines to making the most of your IT department
1. When IT say they're coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for us to remember 700 network passwords.
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have e-mail or a telephone line.
6. Send urgent e-mail ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call a help desk engineer's direct line rather than the help desk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an e-mail straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the help desk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
11. When you have a help desk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
17. When you have an IT bod fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
19. When a help desk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the help desk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
28. When you bump into an IT bod in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have e-mail or a telephone line.
6. Send urgent e-mail ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
7. When you call a help desk engineer's direct line rather than the help desk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an e-mail straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the help desk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
11. When you have a help desk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
17. When you have an IT bod fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
19. When a help desk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the help desk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
28. When you bump into an IT bod in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
02 September 2005, 03:56 PM
#3
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Parts Unknown (even to me!)
Posts: 1,964
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by stevem2k
I think it was 1986 I first saw this ....... might have been 1987 though
I did a search, but perhaps it doesn't go back to the 80's.
Trending Topics
02 September 2005, 05:34 PM
#8
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Please excuse my Spelling - its not the best !!
Posts: 2,538
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
OK it may be about ten years old buts its still relevant.
Just stuck it on the office door - Not that anyone will bother to read it
Richard
Just stuck it on the office door - Not that anyone will bother to read it
Richard
02 September 2005, 05:55 PM
#9
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 25,080
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
The (L)users get the idea when I come in wearing my PA FF2K t-shirt and I point them to the back of it and say to them "Consider yourself a dripping orange"
02 September 2005, 07:24 PM
#10
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 12,329
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Originally Posted by G-STAR
1. When IT say they're coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for us to remember 700 network passwords.
*Thats providing they actually make it,,,*
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
*If you didnt have such half assed geek issues on people moving it stuf, we would do it our selves*
3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
*If its that important, why leave it to mortals??*
4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
*Just as you expect us to drop everything when you want to install a "simple patch"*
5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have e-mail or a telephone line.
*Thats because you are never at your desks, and its the only place we can track you down!!*
6. Send urgent e-mail ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
*At least you know it, unlike your geek font which is so hard on the eyes we cant read it*
7. When you call a help desk engineer's direct line rather than the help desk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an e-mail straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
*Says a lot for support dosent it if you go off for a week and dont leave adequate cover!!*
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
*So why is every issue a quality issue??*
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the help desk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
*errrr how can we if the phones broke?? hey whos the dumbass now!!*
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
*as do we, the "urgent shut down your system immidiadtly" notices, which we never find out what for and have to use the grapevine to find out*
11. When you have a help desk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk...
*So why do you always come over to check what we,ve done?? get the procedure right and we would understand*
12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
*Unfortunatly we dont speak elvish klingon, and 3rd level boolean algebra is just that, and you know how you hate it when someone actually does as they are told...*
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
*So why leave redundant or obsolete printers on the system... hey your IT after all.*
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
*Its called using ones initiative... linprint/ serv/ obs/ ips/ n/336363 may be a printer route map to you but to us, Bill or Teds printer works fine!!*
15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
*never works anyway.... its allways your problem requires a technician,, please call.....*
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
*You mean you have to make them not work again... sorry progress means that teds. old dos drivers have now been superceded, and the slow network that has just been fixed, might just show how out of data you are to your boss*
17. When you have an IT bod fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
*Why come over during our lunch hour... you know when where not there*
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
*Just as we do for doing our job!!*
19. When a help desk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
*As if!! why does changing the clock time after the clocks change require an IT guy to supervise the operation.... hey we thought modern systems did it automatically.*
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
*If you gave us wireless mouses as you have!! we woudnt have this problem*
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
*If we had decent keybords, like you do, rather than the old typrwriter jobs, we have to put up with, we would suffer this problem...hey your in IT design something that wroks!!*
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
*Why do you have to ask us everything twice,,, if we want to delete somthing we want to delete it!*
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
*Well if you wernt so narrow minded, you would discover that some of the other functions in the office actually ensure you have a job... *
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the help desk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
*so why does it say if in doubt seek expert help???*
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
*Thats if we can get hold of you in the first place, or having a pascal guy looking at a C+ problem!*
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
*Well you do keep boasting about the new capacity server youve bought, whats the point of having it if you dont use it??*
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
*Fine you can come and do a days collating on the piles of mixed reports i have on my desk*
28. When you bump into an IT bod in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
*Remind me, where do you get your car fixed?? you expect your garage to be open 24/7*
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
*Well when you buy a copy with only 2 licences what do you expect?? some of us do actually understand the technology we use ...its not only for geeks*
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
*Thats providing they actually make it,,,*
2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
*If you didnt have such half assed geek issues on people moving it stuf, we would do it our selves*
3. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.
*If its that important, why leave it to mortals??*
4. When an IT professional is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.
*Just as you expect us to drop everything when you want to install a "simple patch"*
5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have e-mail or a telephone line.
*Thats because you are never at your desks, and its the only place we can track you down!!*
6. Send urgent e-mail ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
*At least you know it, unlike your geek font which is so hard on the eyes we cant read it*
7. When you call a help desk engineer's direct line rather than the help desk number, press 5 to skip the greeting that says he's on holiday for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an e-mail straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.
*Says a lot for support dosent it if you go off for a week and dont leave adequate cover!!*
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it, right?
*So why is every issue a quality issue??*
9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call the help desk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.
*errrr how can we if the phones broke?? hey whos the dumbass now!!*
10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a chair in IT. Leave no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.
*as do we, the "urgent shut down your system immidiadtly" notices, which we never find out what for and have to use the grapevine to find out*
11. When you have a help desk engineer on the phone walking you through changing a setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk...
*So why do you always come over to check what we,ve done?? get the procedure right and we would understand*
12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.
*Unfortunatly we dont speak elvish klingon, and 3rd level boolean algebra is just that, and you know how you hate it when someone actually does as they are told...*
13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.
*So why leave redundant or obsolete printers on the system... hey your IT after all.*
14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
*Its called using ones initiative... linprint/ serv/ obs/ ips/ n/336363 may be a printer route map to you but to us, Bill or Teds printer works fine!!*
15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
*never works anyway.... its allways your problem requires a technician,, please call.....*
16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for yourself and your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am fixing them.
*You mean you have to make them not work again... sorry progress means that teds. old dos drivers have now been superceded, and the slow network that has just been fixed, might just show how out of data you are to your boss*
17. When you have an IT bod fixing your computer at a quarter to one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
*Why come over during our lunch hour... you know when where not there*
18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!
*Just as we do for doing our job!!*
19. When a help desk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
*As if!! why does changing the clock time after the clocks change require an IT guy to supervise the operation.... hey we thought modern systems did it automatically.*
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.
*If you gave us wireless mouses as you have!! we woudnt have this problem*
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the network/mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.
*If we had decent keybords, like you do, rather than the old typrwriter jobs, we have to put up with, we would suffer this problem...hey your in IT design something that wroks!!*
22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that 'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
*Why do you have to ask us everything twice,,, if we want to delete somthing we want to delete it!*
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
*Well if you wernt so narrow minded, you would discover that some of the other functions in the office actually ensure you have a job... *
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the help desk. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
*so why does it say if in doubt seek expert help???*
25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
*Thats if we can get hold of you in the first place, or having a pascal guy looking at a C+ problem!*
26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.
*Well you do keep boasting about the new capacity server youve bought, whats the point of having it if you dont use it??*
27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.
*Fine you can come and do a days collating on the piles of mixed reports i have on my desk*
28. When you bump into an IT bod in the supermarket on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the supermarket on weekends.
*Remind me, where do you get your car fixed?? you expect your garage to be open 24/7*
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.
*Well when you buy a copy with only 2 licences what do you expect?? some of us do actually understand the technology we use ...its not only for geeks*
30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing DOOM. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office.
PSML
Mart
02 September 2005, 07:58 PM
#11
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 11,581
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Funnily enough, just today I got asked to go to a company directors house to fix his self-installed wireless network and ADSL internet conection provided by some no-name ISP. This was just after another guy plonked his laptop next to my lunch and asked me to install his 3G wireless card in his home laptop.
Neither of them appreciated my offer to do it as a foreigner over the weekend.
Neither of them appreciated my offer to do it as a foreigner over the weekend.
02 September 2005, 08:32 PM
#12
How about, when IT ask you to log out at 6pm prompt for essential upgrades and maintenance, why not p1ss off home at 3.30 leaving your session logged in, we love kicking you off the system.
Call the on-call bod at 2am cos you cant print out prices from Comets web page, hey us IT bods never sleep !
Have whatever screensaver on your pc you want, visit millions of **** sites and download whatever crap you want, we wont tell, honest.
Please ignore any communication, memo, intranet article about planned work and call the helpdesk to tell them that the system is down, then go back to talking ****e, bitching, smoking, eating and blowing off like you usually do you stupid fat office bint, why not use a ten minute outage as the excuse to do f*ck all for several hours.
The harrased DBA really loves a call from every single user, we love your slightly aggresive tone, we brought the database down cos we are lonely.
Sometimes we know as much as you, why ring an Oracle DBA about your scanner software, you know its broken and we dont care !
We really love to discuss pc specs at lunch time, we live for it, if you want to spend some of you pittance on a PC way beyond your requirements, why should we care, the difference betweeen 3 gig and 3.2 gig will not affect your internet wanking session one iota.
Why not ring and launch into an extremely complex description of a problem before we can get a word in edgeways and say, yes everbodys got the same problem, and if you f*ck off perhaps I will get it sorted.
Managers, why not be at least 2 hours behind whats actually going on whilst pretending to be bothered, I mean pretend to be bothered when your boss is around, claim credit for everything, even before you started working there.
Contractors, why not spend hours mumbling into a mobile in the corridor, no one has a clue that you are looking for a better deal you expensive mercenary ****.
Admin, when we book a course, why not book the accomodation, the flights but not the actual course, we love flying to Dublin for a course we arent booked on.
Permies, why not take the days you are not on leave as sick !
Call the on-call bod at 2am cos you cant print out prices from Comets web page, hey us IT bods never sleep !
Have whatever screensaver on your pc you want, visit millions of **** sites and download whatever crap you want, we wont tell, honest.
Please ignore any communication, memo, intranet article about planned work and call the helpdesk to tell them that the system is down, then go back to talking ****e, bitching, smoking, eating and blowing off like you usually do you stupid fat office bint, why not use a ten minute outage as the excuse to do f*ck all for several hours.
The harrased DBA really loves a call from every single user, we love your slightly aggresive tone, we brought the database down cos we are lonely.
Sometimes we know as much as you, why ring an Oracle DBA about your scanner software, you know its broken and we dont care !
We really love to discuss pc specs at lunch time, we live for it, if you want to spend some of you pittance on a PC way beyond your requirements, why should we care, the difference betweeen 3 gig and 3.2 gig will not affect your internet wanking session one iota.
Why not ring and launch into an extremely complex description of a problem before we can get a word in edgeways and say, yes everbodys got the same problem, and if you f*ck off perhaps I will get it sorted.
Managers, why not be at least 2 hours behind whats actually going on whilst pretending to be bothered, I mean pretend to be bothered when your boss is around, claim credit for everything, even before you started working there.
Contractors, why not spend hours mumbling into a mobile in the corridor, no one has a clue that you are looking for a better deal you expensive mercenary ****.
Admin, when we book a course, why not book the accomodation, the flights but not the actual course, we love flying to Dublin for a course we arent booked on.
Permies, why not take the days you are not on leave as sick !
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Sam Witwicky
Engine Management and ECU Remapping
17
13 November 2015 10:49 AM