Blue one

Has anyone used a marriage/relationship councillor?

If so, did you find it helped to sort your head out or added to the mess?

I am happy to receive p.m. on this as I understand that many people do not want personal information on the site (hence anonymous acc. for me).

I am at a point where something needs to change and I am not quite sure how. So wondered if I should figure it out myself or get help.

Thanks.

ajm

All the people I know who have done this have ended up splitting. Not because of the councilling, but because the rot had set in and all they were doing was delaying the inevitable.

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear!

*Sonic*

Yes I went to Relate, but only after the split, there wasnt any point before that, as like ajm said, the rot had set in

What relate did for me was sort my head out, and cleared up a lot of things

Also Relate wont tell you what to do, they make you work that out for yourself, but thats where they are good

Brendan Hughes

Just bear in mind that they're counsellors. NOT miracle workers.

Jap2Scrap

ditto

Nick

A friend of mine had relate save his marriage. IMHO though, it's just made him learn to put up with all her crap. I understand that it gives you both the opportunity to get all the problems out into the open.

Put your house in your name first though & take out a few loans in joint names! Also watch the credit card balances. Preparation in case things go wrong could save you tens of thousands!

Blue one

I know the Relate people won't tell me what to do, as mentioned I just need to unravel the tangled mess in my head.

I think I know what to do, but need to justify it to myself. Do I really think the 'rot' can be removed.
It would be nice to have things sorted before I hate the other person.

blueone

Blue one

sorry for the similar name Blueone.

Jap2Scrap

I suppose they do offer you the chance to vent frustrations. They did that much for me. During one session we were sent into seperate rooms and counselled individually. I was encouraged to let out all my bad feeling about her and her family using selected stones to represent each family member and then giving an explanation as to why I'd chosen such and such a stone to represent her mother, her father, etc. It was only when she burst into the room during a particularly eloquent description of why her mother was represented by a crumbling piece of cruddy sandstone that the relate guy realised our conversation could be overheard from the room my wife was in.

That kinda finished things off. We never went again and split up permanently that day.

Best thing I ever did as it turns out I went to uni at 26, got a 1st class degree and now enjoy a cushy, if not overpaid, job at Leeds uni. I've moved all the way up from Southampton and have the loveliest girlfriend anyone could wish for.

Thanks Relate! I owe you one

Blue one

That was a Relate story with a twist J2S, Happy ending for you anyway.

I wonder if it is best to go by myself.