Jamesemt

When's the right time to have kids?

Been with wife for 6 years (living together for 3, married for 3 months) and she's very eager to start a family... I was never into the idea, but I think I am coming round to it. Only problem is that I worry that I am not ready to be a father and worry that I won't be the best Dad (when I was young, my Dad was always at work...).

I know someone will reply by saying 'you'll know when it's right' but maybe I spend too long thinking about things like this...

My job is based around 12 hour shifts and most weeks I only work 36 hours (ie three days) which allows me loads of time on my own (wife works regular hours). Recently it has felt that something is missing while on my own - like I should have something else to do (other than surf Scoobynet all day ) or sometimes I feel like I am not making the most of life...

Any advice?

OllyK

I believe you can get a vasectomy on the NHS these days

Chip

Go for it, you wont regret it. Big change at first obviously but after a while youll realise whats been missing in your life.

And they'll hopefully look after you in your old age.

If you sit and think about the costs, inconvenience etc of having kids youd not have any. Do it now while your young and enjoy it.

Chip.

Chrisgr31

Now! Mind you don't forget there will be child care to pay for if your wife goes back to work. As a new Dad I can recommend it, and never thought I'd say that! Not only that but you get to use the parent and child spaces in car parks!

Chip

Which avoids the dings.

Chip

Jamesemt

Yeah thought about that - but I seem to work mostly Fri/Sat/Sun nights so I would be a semi house husband...

Plus three sets of grandparents (isn't divorce wonderful ) and a sister-in-law that lives next door

weapon69

If you're asking scoobynet whether to have kids.........what's the hurry? If you're not sure-DON'T!

Chip

Chip

Chip

Surely he's doing the right thing in asking because scoobynet has the answer to everything

Chip

Jamesemt

3 sets of grandparents was with a ?????
Her folks both remarried - which is either good or bad, depending on your outlook ??

davegtt

I want kids wanted them for ages, misses wants them yet she wont until were married, proposed a month back yet she dont want to get married til 2006 by the time I have a kid I'll be 28 not exactly what I wanted... bit annoying really as ideally Id like my kid to be at least 15 by the time Im 40 so I can still have a life of my own later in life whilst Im still active etc. not impressed

tmo

Just let it happen, if it does it does.
If it doesn't its not meant to be. (in which case go and buy a Harley or TVR)

Brendan Hughes

Does three sets of grandparents mean two mothers-in-law?


I say go for it. If you don't like them later, you can always sell them in Morocco.



[JOKE!]

Jamesemt

Understand that, but there is a train of thought that if you're a bit older then you appreciate it more?? I'm 27 now..

minor_threat

First I'd better say I'm not a father and believe all children are aliens up until puberty when they seem to peak from being weird and dancing with invisible people to being rebellious and more human.

Anyway, the best time to have children . . . I think everybody worries that they will not be the best Dad and aren't ready to be a father. (Well, when I say everybody, I mean men obviously.) All of the people I know who've had aliens did not have a clue what to expect, physically and emotionally. They'd read all the baby books, been to classes, poured over women's magazine articles and still didn't know 10% of what they thought they should know.

It's a massive learning process and the only time I think you can fully prepare for the alien invasion is when it finally happens. If you're like me, you'd spend 30 years wondering whether you'd be an adequate father and never actually get round to being one.

If your relationship is stable, you have the time and money to committ to a little alien and feel as though that aspect to your life is missing, then why not?

Remember, I'm not a dad so I may be talking complete nonsense.

Jamesemt

Yeah one good, one erm...not so good


How much do they fetch??? Could finally afford an STi

Muffleman

I too am one of the recent s'net baby boom ! It's our first, and it's just brilliant. Not easy, and a real rollercoaster of emotions during the pregnancy, birth etc, but more than worth it !

I turned 30 this year, and the missus is a little older. We've been married 10 years and decided that now was a good time. If you both want a wee one, then why not ?

I've had the experience described as 'exasperatingly enchanting', and it fits !

All the very best


Matt

weapon69

LOL steady on! you're not exactly over the hill at 28! as for having children young-my Mum is a grandma at 40 yrs old-im sure she's really chuffed-NOT!

lightning101

If your unemployed and receiving benifits - I think 4 kids by the time you're 17 would have been about right.


Thats £1800 a month in your hand, no rent - 4 bed council house, 25% council tax, plus free bedding, asthma bonus, school clothes/beer vouchers.



Hope that helps.

Brendan Hughes

My wife, before I met her, had one at 22.

I'm now 36, she's a bit older, and we're trying for one of our own. That may scare some of you - certainly scares me.

With the beauty of hindsight, and a more stable life, 25-30 may well have been ideal.

Jamesemt

What is family allowance for the first child these days?

Chip

Chip

Nigel H

If it feels right it probably is. In our case we got to a similar point we were never too keen and then we slowly came round to it, which, with the benefit of hindsight was right.

What ever anybody says about kids it can never convey the change that they will being to your life. You have to be prepared to accept this, otherwise your life will be hell.

I'm sure you'll be a good dad, but do think through how you'll look after kids. It's NO fun being on your own with a little un day in day out to start with, if you have no support. It's also very hard work.

It sounds like between you you should be able to cope, but do think it through - who will be looking after *it* when arrives.

My boy is 5 now, and I don't regret having him for a moment. Changed my (our) life for the better.

Jo Peters

Hmm, don't think there is ever a "right" time to have kids so just go for it.

Although, if you are looking for something just to fill your time when you are on your own, you may be better off getting a dog or cat. And with kids your freedom will be restricted (even with masses of grandparents) which is not necessarily "making the most" of your life.

But ...... the rewards can be enormous. I am a mum with 2 gorgeous boys and because of my circumstances, I have no choice but to work full time (you are very lucky to have so much time to spare) but the time I do spend with them is quality. I would not change a thing and I could not imagine being without them now.

I can't remember much about life before kids (it was so long ago )and cos mine are now 10 & 7 and total petrolheads they come along to all the motorsport events that I go to.

Don't look too deeply into how good a dad you will be, your kids will love you for you and not your credentials and once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature (most of the time )

Jo

Jamesemt

Yeah what I meant was that we have loads of support. I am too aware now that we will not be able to cope 24/7 without any outsde help - going to grandmas for the odd night is highly likely - two sets of parents have even offered to move closer

lightning101

Funny how half the "for sale" subarus start like this.


Due to a new addition in the family - this has to go !!



Says it all really - you have to stop being selfish and think about others.

messiah

If you both want kids then go for it. If you try to weigh up the pro's and con's you'll probably come to the conclusion that it's not the right time.

Don't worry about not being ready - totally natural.

Nigel H

Support is useful, but you can manage alone - we did . All our grandparents are 200 miles away and visit once or twice a year. We're used to it now and don't mind, but they're VERY welcome when they come

davegtt

Never said I would be over the hill, but whos to say I wont be at 45? Im not even saying have kids young, Im 25 now and Ive wanted kids for the last 203 years Ive been with the misses for about 7 years now with our own place and we are very steady so I see no reason, plus atm we are as financially secure now as we'll ever be so I say go for it, yet she wants to see the house all done up perfect and get married first... when will it ever stop.

Jo Peters

I managed to hang onto mine But it is, after all, a sensible sized 4 door family vehicle with spacious boot!