mj

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a
pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy
an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which
came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home,
found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking
his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank 's with
me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him agai
n, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me. But again, there
was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against
the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to
Frank's place and have a drink with me?
































































A little voice came out of the box ;

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting my f***ing shoes on!"

Alas

Excellent

T4molie

How about this one........

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

mj

A woman in her late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The ****," where a small
****
is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her
skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The ****." Over the course of several years,
the woman tightened the ****, and the effects were wonderful, the woman
remained young looking and
vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
problems:"All these years, everything has been working just fine.

I've had to turn the **** many times and I've always loved the results.

But now I've developed two annoying problems. First, I have these terrible
bags under my
eyes and the **** won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely
and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.





















"She said: "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee".

T4molie

PMSL

The Horse Race.......

HORSE RACE Lineup:

In lane 1. Passionate Lady
In lane 2. Bare Belly
In lane 3. Silk Panties
In lane 4. Conscience
In lane 5. Jockey Shorts
In lane 6. Clean Sheets
In lane 7. Thighs
In lane 8. Big Dick
In lane 9. Heavy Bosom
In lane 10. Merry Cherry


THEY'RE OFF!!!

Conscience is left behind at the gate.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is in a dangerous spot.

AT THE HALFWAY MARK:

It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.

AT THE STRETCH:

Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Dick is making a final drive.
Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

AT THE FINISH:

It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and
Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes through
with one final thrust and wins by a head...
Bare Belly shows...
Thighs weakens...
Heavy Bosom pulls up...
& Clean Sheets never had a chance.

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

Bloke goes to a petshop for a pet, and announces to the owner that he wants to buy a wasp.

The owner is amazed and says they don't sell wasps, to which the guy replies: "well, you've got one in the window!":

Alcazar

T4molie

LOL

Scooby Roo

Two fish in a tank

one turns round to the other and says........























How the F*ck do you drive this thing

wwp8

a lady has a car accident. and heads to heaven who she meets GOD,
GOD says to her ooh, you got anothe 60 years of life before you die yet, and returns her soul to earth, when she awakes. she is delighted ad decides to treat herself as she has such a long life, she goes to get plastic surgery,.
pleased with her results. she goes to see her friend but gets run over and dies.

at heaven she says to GOD, "i thought you said i got 60 years before i die?"
GOD replies "sorry i didn't recognise you"