Scott Herts

Hello,

Its ok my life is in order!!

I am just f*cked off with people that seem to have miscarriages seem to be the people that are desperate for kids and can actually afford them.

My sister and her husband have been trying for kids ever since they got married 7 years ago, and was told that after a certain time and my sister having a few ops she would be able to go through fertility treatment, well my sister went through this twice and it hasnt worked. 7 weeks ago she went in and it was all magic and this time it appeared she was pregnant 7 weeks today in fact... she has gone home from work and relaxed like normal as she wasnt taking any chances and suddenly she had a stomach pain found herself in the toilet passing blood, and now finds herself in hospital and has been told they are very sorry but you have lost what was there.

when she left she had called me, i could see the fear even over the phone...this is going to destroy her, wanting kids is the only thing completing there lives.... All family can do is support.

so the silly question is why does it happen, it just isnt right is it.... i could understand these young kids going through them when there bodies arent ready for them, but my sister is the perfect person for kids, stable, and so much love to give, it just annoys me that she has to get over this, physically and mentally before they can try again...i would never like to put myself in that position and actually points out to me how important life is, you that have kids feel lucky it is a blessing however much sometimes it doesnt feel like it....

sorry to talk about this on here and please people that want to write sarky comments please refrain as this is a very sensitive subject for many.

Has anyone ever been through it or been trying to get nowhere....

i am just gutted for her....

going to go down there to support when she is out of hospital.

imlach

In a large majority of cases, there is often no reason.
About 1/3 of all conceptions end in miscarriage, so it's not as rare as people often think. Saying that, the majority happen in the very early days before some people even realise they are pregnant.

...and yes, it never helps to see the pregnant chavs chain-smoking outside the maternity unit entrances. Pet hate.

It is hard

Scott Herts

Thanks for that...

i did need to write it down , certainly put my life into perspective, life is too short.

I will show her and her hubbysupport and do what i can to help them.

I am distraught for them, it so isnt fair. it has disturbed me, you wish you could do something and say it will be ok when deep down you know it isnt...


oh well, i will wait for there phone call as that is why i am sitting waiting here....cant keep focused!

where is all the intersting threads to keep my mind of the clock.

imlach

The other thing to remember is that the fact she got to 7 weeks is something in itself. ie, proves she can sustain an early pregnancy. There may be a cause, but given she's going through IVF, they'll be looking into everything I'd imagine.

Oh, and again, in the majority of cases, there is NOTHING she can have done to avoid the miscarriage, so while she'll feel it is her fault, in most cases, there is nothing the mother has done wrong.

scoobyangel

mmm bit offended really...



i had a miscarriage at 12 weeks.... i didnt smoke, drink, nor was i (as you put it) a chav!

i have no explanation of why it happened and never will have, the hospitals dont do any kind of tests or anything until you have had at least 3 miscarriages.

my brother and his wife have been trying for a baby for 7 years, have had fertility treatment via nhs, but nothing so far has worked, yes they would make good parents, but maybe this is natures way... who knows??


i have a little boy now, and i bled when i was carrying him at 11 weeks, thought i was losing him... but thankfully didnt and he is a healthy little soul.

why do you think that it is ok for youngsters to go through them, and that that is ok?? it isnt a choice to have a miscarriage, and abortion yes, but not a miscarriage... it is the most horrific experiance of my life and i would not wish it on anyone.

imlach

Scoobyangel - you're quite right - I hadn't spotted his comment about it perhaps being easier for young people to have miscarriages. This is not true. It is hard for ANYONE.

My reference to chavs was as regards the uneducated (or downright ignorant) pregnant chavs who choose to smoke blatantly in maternity units and assisted-fertility departments. Not to mention the drugs.

Scott Herts

Didnt wish any offense....


i missed 2 words on the initial post, added it in now.... i am not that harsh.

miscarriages are yes a really bad thing and to be fair i wouldnt wish them on anyone...

All i was pointing out if the man above is selecting people for this then why couldnt it be the girls that go out and get pregnant just so they can get a house, not cause they want one ...as the other guy has said on this post.

ok.

I was thinking out loud and not trying to offend anyone, i am just really upset for my sister and her husband. and it is really upsetting for them cause now they have to go through it all again, she wanted it so badly...



and still i havent had a phone call, i really want to know what is happening at the hospital.

NotoriousREV

We had 2 miscarriages last year, 1 while we were on our honeymoon and the second at Christmas. It was hell on Earth for a while, last year was a difficult year for quite a few reasons and having that on top was very hard to cope with.

The good news is that we kept trying and MrsREV is now 6 and bit months pregnant and blooming and Spawn of REV is due around the first week of January.

I must admit, during the harder times we were comparing ourselves to a chav mate who has 7 kids, none of which were planned and none of which get looked after properly but in the end worrying about other people gets you nowhere.

I just hope that sooner or later that they get the baby they want so much.

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

Weird, But I understand where your comming from.

A 15yr old chav has no problem concieving (except finding the father ) yet a happily married woman of 20+ has problems. I always understood that it was partially an age issue related to someone who is 30 plus years old, but it seems to happen at lower ages. I just don't know what to think. But it always seems unfair.

imlach

Scott - your edit is perhaps still quite offensive to some.
A miscarriage in a young person is still a miscarriage. Not all young people should be stereotyped. I'm sure there are plenty of teenage mothers who aren't irresponsible.

Remember, Princess Diana was a pregnant teenager.

Scott Herts

ok....

point taken. i still didnt mean anything by it, just i guess you feel injustice for your own family more than others...always the way.

and yes she was... lovely woman.

john banks

Sorry to hear about your sister's trouble Scott.

My GP understanding of the situation is briefly as follows:

The early miscarriage rate has been revised upwards to more like 50-60% recently - as Imlach points out, most very early on. As pregnancy tests have become more sensitive the figure has gone up. About two thirds to three quarters of miscarriages are thought to be due to chromosomal abnormalities (genetic problems) in the fetus - there are a lot of complex gene mixing procedures going on to produce a fetus. Success rates quoted by fertility treatment centres are often still quite low, usually considerably less than 50% "take home baby rate", obviously depending on the circumstances, the technique and the previous results from the centre.

Hope this helps.

ScoobywagonGl

I really feel for her and anyone else who has been through it. I found out i was pregnant completely unexpected for me but i was in agony they told me i would loose the baby as he was eptopic <sp?> however it turned out he wasnt but right up until 6 months gone i was told my baby wouldn't survive! i know how i felt just at the thought of loosing him but thankfully i didnt and he is a healthy 2 year old now. i know it killed me to even think about what could have happened. support is all you can give her! she needs time, but will never get over it.

wah

We went through 3 miscarriages and two years of trying but now we have a 5 month old boy for it all

brendy

Scary thought is that 1 in 9 couples will have infertility problems - a lot more common than you think.

weapon69

Not sure where you got those stats-its more like 1 in 5.

I've had 2 miscarriages and one i had when i was very young and i took it incredibly badly (partly because we'd been to scans and seen the heart beating away etc) I'm now expecting a little boy in 2 weeks time

Miscarriage is horrible to go through and when you want something so badly it becomes your whole life.

I wish your sister well

AudiMan

Scott,
Pass on our sympathy, my wife suffered 3 misscariages (one at 13 weeks), all of which for no apparent reason (just wasn't meant to be), it really hard especially for the lady, and lots of tlc is needed. over the 2 years of this happening we both thought that we would never be blessed with the patter of tiny feet and almost got to the point of giving up hope. But now 12 years later I have a strapping 11 year od son and a "lippy as you like" 9 year old daughter.
My eldest sister was told 17 years ago she would never be able to have children, hey guess what ? she has a 1 year old daughter !.
Don't really know what else to say, other than in my experience it'll happen when it happens, just get on with enjoying life until it does,.

Ian..

imlach

It was about 1 in 3, but as John Banks has pointed out, the recent evidence shows it to be nearer 50-60% - which is over 1 in 2.

Do remember, miscarriage is defined as from any point after conception up until around 24 weeks. What you may not realise is that a very large number of miscarriages happen in the few weeks after conception, but a lot of people don't notice it because it can seem just like a normal period.

As John said, it is only with the more sensitive pregnancy tests now that detect the raised HCG level at an earlier stage....giving an earlier indication of pregnancy that the older tests.

messiah

Dan was born 5 weeks ago, but was touch and go early on - and I'd resigned myself to the worst.

Thankfully It all worked out.

Hope your sister & husband get over it OK - and not let the experience put them off from trying again.

weapon69

Wow thanks for telling me Didn't realise you had such a great knowledge about miscarriage, ohhh hang on.... you know **** all!

imlach

How do you judge that?

Reffro

Miscarriages happen unfortunately. My friend suffered one earlier this year when she was about 9 weeks gone. I also found out from talking to my parents that my Mum had a miscarriage too, in between me and my sister being born. Its not nice, but it is a fact that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage, so all you can do is support your friends and family if it happens. But if anything this thread has proved there is still every chance your sister will be pregnant again. Best wishes to your sister and her husband.

letdown

Have I missed something??

Scoob99

iTrader: (1)

Scott, My friends wife lost 3 babies, and it was soul destroying to see them go thourgh it, they also said the chances of her getting pregnant again was vitually nil, cos she had cancer but hey five years ago they gave me a beautiful cheeky little godson, and he is special, he's a little sod but a special little sod if you know what I mean, They themselves still can't beleive they had him, I really feel for your sister, just be a good brother and be there for her as and when mate.
Best Wishes
Colin

Muffleman

Hello mate,

Can sympathise, we lost one last year. The way we coped was by telling ourselves that there was probably a reason, and that it was for the best - maybe there was something wrong with the baby, who knows.

I think it's especially difficult if it's your first child, because you then have the constant doubts about whether you can in fact have children. Please don't get me wrong, a miscarriage would still be awful if you already had 8 kids ! But we found it quite difficult.

However, keep the Barry White records and Oysters on standby, and I hope your sister gets a wee one.

Incidentally, my little Jake was 4 weeks old at 11:25pm last night - I'm having the happiest (sleepiest) time of my life !

All my best wishes


Matt

weapon69

As you are male i believe ( ? ) i find it quite difficult to see how you have any idea what women go through apart from what you've read or whatever. My bf would get his head bitten off too if he started saying he knew what women go through, so its not really personal.

Redkop

I can't see that Imlach has claimed he knows what women go through weapon69, he has just stated well-known publicised facts. So can we please stay on topic

Thanks

Tiggs

get a grip....unless hes a complete retard im sure he can have a stab at how someone might feel. i have never had my arm cut off by i can have a quick ponder and consider how that might feel.

T

scoobyangel

this is actually the truth... many many women miscarry and dont even know, it just seems like a period, tho in some cases a late one, tho in many bang on time.
the %;s have gone up because you can detect a pregnancy even before a missed period, then should a miscarriage happen, the woman already knew she was pregnant, whereas if she had waited until she was a week or 2 late she would proberly just of thought it was a normal period.