these have probably done the rounds b4! but what the hell.
13 October 2004, 08:58 PM
#1
these have probably done the rounds b4! but what the hell.
DON'T READ THE FOLLOWING 4 STORIES IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH - ESPECIALLY
> THE
> LAST ONE !!!
>
> About 7 am on August 25th 1998, thirty-six year old Mrs Sarah Jenson
> started
> her period. By the time she arrived at work an hour later, she had started
> to experience a chronic itching sensation in her crotch. Sarah worked as
> an
> advisor in a call centre and had recently received a final warning about
> her
> poor attendance record. To keep her job, she tried to ignore the itch and
> got on with answering customers calls. At 11:25am she reported to her boss
> that she was suffering from severe abdominal pain and it was only when she
> collapsed in her own vomit that he called for an ambulance.
>
> She was admitted to the Lincoln Hospital, Texas where doctors discovered
> that her vagina was greatly swollen and her labia had distended to three
> times normal size. Whilst cleaning the inflamed area, a tampon was found
> and
> it was sent away for analysis. Suspecting Toxic Shock Syndrome, Sarah was
> kept under close observation until her condition was no longer critical.
>
> One week later the Lab results on the tampon arrived and doctors were
> baffled to find that it contained traces of wasp venom. It transpires that
> Sarah was having an affair with her aerobics instructor, and when her
> husband Mr Henry Jenson found out, he was so enraged he wanted revenge.
>
> Knowing his wife was allergic to insect stings,he purchased wasp venom
> through a biochemical company. He lightly coated his wife's tampons with
> the
> venom, resealed the individual wrappers and replaced them in their box.
> Mrs
> Jenson has filed for a divorce and a case of grievously bodily harm. Mr
> Jenson is reported as saying, "I just wanted her to have a swell time
> without me."
>
> ********
>
> In March 1997, Brian Crenshaw, a chemical engineer from West London,
> returned to the UK after spending the previous six months overseeing work
> at
> a petrochemicals plant in Nigeria. During his first week back, his wife
> complained that he seemed to have difficulty listening properly. Brian
> suggested that his ears had not fully recovered from the air pressure
> changes experienced during his flight.
>
> Over the next two weeks, Brian's condition worsened as he started to feel
> tickling sensations deep in his ears. Thinking the trouble was caused by
> loosened ear wax, he attempted to clean his ears with a ballpoint pen.
> When
> he pressed it into his right ear, he heard a cracking sound and saw the
> pen
> covered in a yellow goo. He went to his local GP claiming had punctured
> his
> ear drum.
>
> The GP reached into Brian's right ear with a pair of tweezers and pulled
> out
> what appeared to be an insect antenna. During the examination Brian was
> horrified to learn that he had a total of 5 African cockroaches living in
> his head.
>
> Four cockroaches were alive and one cockroach was dead, presumably crushed
> by Brian's pen attack. An investigation revealed that when Brian was in
> Nigeria, a female African cockroach must have laid numerous eggs in the
> toiletries bag where he kept his cotton buds. When he was cleaning his
> ears,
> he was also transferring the cockroach eggs to his inner ear where they
> started to hatch.
>
> ********
>
> On September 4 1999 at 9.30 am Ron Guptey of N.S.W Australia went into
> hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on call
> examined his swollen anus but was left puzzled because he had not seen
> such
> a thing before. Two more doctors examined him and they too were left
> confused about what was happening. Ron's health was deteriorating as the
> day
> wore on, he developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his
> abdomen.
>
> The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2.57 pm when
> he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead. An
> investigation was led to discover the reason of death.
>
> During the post mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal
> passage, but as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3
> or 4 black widow spiders in Ron's intestine. The police found a tree with
> a
> cut of branch along the side in Ron's back yard, there were traces of KY
> jelly and traces of rectal juices along the branch. There was also Black
> widow egg shells found inside the bark.
>
> Ron was apparently satisfying himself with this tree stump, but failed to
> notice the black widow nest on the tree. During his sexual act he had
> impregnated himself with the black widow eggs. The eggs had embedded in
> his
> rectal passage walls and were kept at the required temperature for the
> eggs
> to develop and finally hatch. Once the baby spiders were hatched they had
> bitten him and had poisoned him from the inside. Guess he was barking up
> the
> wrong tree.....
>
> ********
>
> NOW FOR THE BIG ONE...Suzy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
>
> One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke
> up
> with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea,
> but
> when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain. It
> was
> very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole.
>
> She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into
> the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing
> pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt
> out
> of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the
> sides
> of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the
> neighbours
> called the police.
>
> When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor
> of
> her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
> a
> stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a
> stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other
> leg,
> to straighten her out. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body
> out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the
> tip
> of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor
> with
> a wet popping sound.
>
> Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tiles of
> the
> bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat
> there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and
> forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea
> setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw
> was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
> convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp
> flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
>
> If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:
>
> Ms. DeLucci's official death was the result of a combination of shock and
> severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw
> what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the
> toilet and then on the floor.
>
> It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident
> she
> had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she
> gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At
> that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to
> flip
> its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX
> video
> in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.
>
> The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
> Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic
> hairs
> that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's
> face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's
> digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud and egg casings.
>
> Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the
> water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the
> lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's uterus when she was
> torturing it.
>
> Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only
> four
> days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of
> her
> menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud
> shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets
> sold
> throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp
> began
> doubling size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when
> she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in
> her
> toilet.
> THE
> LAST ONE !!!
>
> About 7 am on August 25th 1998, thirty-six year old Mrs Sarah Jenson
> started
> her period. By the time she arrived at work an hour later, she had started
> to experience a chronic itching sensation in her crotch. Sarah worked as
> an
> advisor in a call centre and had recently received a final warning about
> her
> poor attendance record. To keep her job, she tried to ignore the itch and
> got on with answering customers calls. At 11:25am she reported to her boss
> that she was suffering from severe abdominal pain and it was only when she
> collapsed in her own vomit that he called for an ambulance.
>
> She was admitted to the Lincoln Hospital, Texas where doctors discovered
> that her vagina was greatly swollen and her labia had distended to three
> times normal size. Whilst cleaning the inflamed area, a tampon was found
> and
> it was sent away for analysis. Suspecting Toxic Shock Syndrome, Sarah was
> kept under close observation until her condition was no longer critical.
>
> One week later the Lab results on the tampon arrived and doctors were
> baffled to find that it contained traces of wasp venom. It transpires that
> Sarah was having an affair with her aerobics instructor, and when her
> husband Mr Henry Jenson found out, he was so enraged he wanted revenge.
>
> Knowing his wife was allergic to insect stings,he purchased wasp venom
> through a biochemical company. He lightly coated his wife's tampons with
> the
> venom, resealed the individual wrappers and replaced them in their box.
> Mrs
> Jenson has filed for a divorce and a case of grievously bodily harm. Mr
> Jenson is reported as saying, "I just wanted her to have a swell time
> without me."
>
> ********
>
> In March 1997, Brian Crenshaw, a chemical engineer from West London,
> returned to the UK after spending the previous six months overseeing work
> at
> a petrochemicals plant in Nigeria. During his first week back, his wife
> complained that he seemed to have difficulty listening properly. Brian
> suggested that his ears had not fully recovered from the air pressure
> changes experienced during his flight.
>
> Over the next two weeks, Brian's condition worsened as he started to feel
> tickling sensations deep in his ears. Thinking the trouble was caused by
> loosened ear wax, he attempted to clean his ears with a ballpoint pen.
> When
> he pressed it into his right ear, he heard a cracking sound and saw the
> pen
> covered in a yellow goo. He went to his local GP claiming had punctured
> his
> ear drum.
>
> The GP reached into Brian's right ear with a pair of tweezers and pulled
> out
> what appeared to be an insect antenna. During the examination Brian was
> horrified to learn that he had a total of 5 African cockroaches living in
> his head.
>
> Four cockroaches were alive and one cockroach was dead, presumably crushed
> by Brian's pen attack. An investigation revealed that when Brian was in
> Nigeria, a female African cockroach must have laid numerous eggs in the
> toiletries bag where he kept his cotton buds. When he was cleaning his
> ears,
> he was also transferring the cockroach eggs to his inner ear where they
> started to hatch.
>
> ********
>
> On September 4 1999 at 9.30 am Ron Guptey of N.S.W Australia went into
> hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on call
> examined his swollen anus but was left puzzled because he had not seen
> such
> a thing before. Two more doctors examined him and they too were left
> confused about what was happening. Ron's health was deteriorating as the
> day
> wore on, he developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his
> abdomen.
>
> The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2.57 pm when
> he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead. An
> investigation was led to discover the reason of death.
>
> During the post mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal
> passage, but as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3
> or 4 black widow spiders in Ron's intestine. The police found a tree with
> a
> cut of branch along the side in Ron's back yard, there were traces of KY
> jelly and traces of rectal juices along the branch. There was also Black
> widow egg shells found inside the bark.
>
> Ron was apparently satisfying himself with this tree stump, but failed to
> notice the black widow nest on the tree. During his sexual act he had
> impregnated himself with the black widow eggs. The eggs had embedded in
> his
> rectal passage walls and were kept at the required temperature for the
> eggs
> to develop and finally hatch. Once the baby spiders were hatched they had
> bitten him and had poisoned him from the inside. Guess he was barking up
> the
> wrong tree.....
>
> ********
>
> NOW FOR THE BIG ONE...Suzy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
>
> One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke
> up
> with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea,
> but
> when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain. It
> was
> very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole.
>
> She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into
> the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing
> pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt
> out
> of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the
> sides
> of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the
> neighbours
> called the police.
>
> When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor
> of
> her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
> a
> stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a
> stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other
> leg,
> to straighten her out. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body
> out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the
> tip
> of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor
> with
> a wet popping sound.
>
> Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tiles of
> the
> bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat
> there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and
> forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea
> setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw
> was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
> convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp
> flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
>
> If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:
>
> Ms. DeLucci's official death was the result of a combination of shock and
> severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw
> what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the
> toilet and then on the floor.
>
> It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident
> she
> had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she
> gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At
> that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to
> flip
> its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX
> video
> in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.
>
> The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
> Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic
> hairs
> that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's
> face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's
> digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud and egg casings.
>
> Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the
> water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the
> lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's uterus when she was
> torturing it.
>
> Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only
> four
> days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of
> her
> menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud
> shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets
> sold
> throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp
> began
> doubling size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when
> she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in
> her
> toilet.
13 October 2004, 09:37 PM
#3
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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Originally Posted by j4mou
DON'T READ THE FOLLOWING 4 STORIES IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH - ESPECIALLY
> THE
> LAST ONE !!!
>
> About 7 am on August 25th 1998, thirty-six year old Mrs Sarah Jenson
> started
> her period. By the time she arrived at work an hour later, she had started
> to experience a chronic itching sensation in her crotch. Sarah worked as
> an
> advisor in a call centre and had recently received a final warning about
> her
> poor attendance record. To keep her job, she tried to ignore the itch and
> got on with answering customers calls. At 11:25am she reported to her boss
> that she was suffering from severe abdominal pain and it was only when she
> collapsed in her own vomit that he called for an ambulance.
>
> She was admitted to the Lincoln Hospital, Texas where doctors discovered
> that her vagina was greatly swollen and her labia had distended to three
> times normal size. Whilst cleaning the inflamed area, a tampon was found
> and
> it was sent away for analysis. Suspecting Toxic Shock Syndrome, Sarah was
> kept under close observation until her condition was no longer critical.
>
> One week later the Lab results on the tampon arrived and doctors were
> baffled to find that it contained traces of wasp venom. It transpires that
> Sarah was having an affair with her aerobics instructor, and when her
> husband Mr Henry Jenson found out, he was so enraged he wanted revenge.
>
> Knowing his wife was allergic to insect stings,he purchased wasp venom
> through a biochemical company. He lightly coated his wife's tampons with
> the
> venom, resealed the individual wrappers and replaced them in their box.
> Mrs
> Jenson has filed for a divorce and a case of grievously bodily harm. Mr
> Jenson is reported as saying, "I just wanted her to have a swell time
> without me."
>
> ********
>
> In March 1997, Brian Crenshaw, a chemical engineer from West London,
> returned to the UK after spending the previous six months overseeing work
> at
> a petrochemicals plant in Nigeria. During his first week back, his wife
> complained that he seemed to have difficulty listening properly. Brian
> suggested that his ears had not fully recovered from the air pressure
> changes experienced during his flight.
>
> Over the next two weeks, Brian's condition worsened as he started to feel
> tickling sensations deep in his ears. Thinking the trouble was caused by
> loosened ear wax, he attempted to clean his ears with a ballpoint pen.
> When
> he pressed it into his right ear, he heard a cracking sound and saw the
> pen
> covered in a yellow goo. He went to his local GP claiming had punctured
> his
> ear drum.
>
> The GP reached into Brian's right ear with a pair of tweezers and pulled
> out
> what appeared to be an insect antenna. During the examination Brian was
> horrified to learn that he had a total of 5 African cockroaches living in
> his head.
>
> Four cockroaches were alive and one cockroach was dead, presumably crushed
> by Brian's pen attack. An investigation revealed that when Brian was in
> Nigeria, a female African cockroach must have laid numerous eggs in the
> toiletries bag where he kept his cotton buds. When he was cleaning his
> ears,
> he was also transferring the cockroach eggs to his inner ear where they
> started to hatch.
>
> ********
>
> On September 4 1999 at 9.30 am Ron Guptey of N.S.W Australia went into
> hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on call
> examined his swollen anus but was left puzzled because he had not seen
> such
> a thing before. Two more doctors examined him and they too were left
> confused about what was happening. Ron's health was deteriorating as the
> day
> wore on, he developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his
> abdomen.
>
> The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2.57 pm when
> he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead. An
> investigation was led to discover the reason of death.
>
> During the post mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal
> passage, but as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3
> or 4 black widow spiders in Ron's intestine. The police found a tree with
> a
> cut of branch along the side in Ron's back yard, there were traces of KY
> jelly and traces of rectal juices along the branch. There was also Black
> widow egg shells found inside the bark.
>
> Ron was apparently satisfying himself with this tree stump, but failed to
> notice the black widow nest on the tree. During his sexual act he had
> impregnated himself with the black widow eggs. The eggs had embedded in
> his
> rectal passage walls and were kept at the required temperature for the
> eggs
> to develop and finally hatch. Once the baby spiders were hatched they had
> bitten him and had poisoned him from the inside. Guess he was barking up
> the
> wrong tree.....
>
> ********
>
> NOW FOR THE BIG ONE...Suzy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
>
> One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke
> up
> with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea,
> but
> when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain. It
> was
> very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole.
>
> She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into
> the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing
> pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt
> out
> of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the
> sides
> of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the
> neighbours
> called the police.
>
> When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor
> of
> her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
> a
> stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a
> stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other
> leg,
> to straighten her out. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body
> out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the
> tip
> of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor
> with
> a wet popping sound.
>
> Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tiles of
> the
> bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat
> there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and
> forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea
> setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw
> was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
> convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp
> flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
>
> If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:
>
> Ms. DeLucci's official death was the result of a combination of shock and
> severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw
> what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the
> toilet and then on the floor.
>
> It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident
> she
> had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she
> gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At
> that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to
> flip
> its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX
> video
> in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.
>
> The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
> Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic
> hairs
> that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's
> face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's
> digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud and egg casings.
>
> Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the
> water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the
> lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's uterus when she was
> torturing it.
>
> Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only
> four
> days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of
> her
> menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud
> shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets
> sold
> throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp
> began
> doubling size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when
> she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in
> her
> toilet.
> THE
> LAST ONE !!!
>
> About 7 am on August 25th 1998, thirty-six year old Mrs Sarah Jenson
> started
> her period. By the time she arrived at work an hour later, she had started
> to experience a chronic itching sensation in her crotch. Sarah worked as
> an
> advisor in a call centre and had recently received a final warning about
> her
> poor attendance record. To keep her job, she tried to ignore the itch and
> got on with answering customers calls. At 11:25am she reported to her boss
> that she was suffering from severe abdominal pain and it was only when she
> collapsed in her own vomit that he called for an ambulance.
>
> She was admitted to the Lincoln Hospital, Texas where doctors discovered
> that her vagina was greatly swollen and her labia had distended to three
> times normal size. Whilst cleaning the inflamed area, a tampon was found
> and
> it was sent away for analysis. Suspecting Toxic Shock Syndrome, Sarah was
> kept under close observation until her condition was no longer critical.
>
> One week later the Lab results on the tampon arrived and doctors were
> baffled to find that it contained traces of wasp venom. It transpires that
> Sarah was having an affair with her aerobics instructor, and when her
> husband Mr Henry Jenson found out, he was so enraged he wanted revenge.
>
> Knowing his wife was allergic to insect stings,he purchased wasp venom
> through a biochemical company. He lightly coated his wife's tampons with
> the
> venom, resealed the individual wrappers and replaced them in their box.
> Mrs
> Jenson has filed for a divorce and a case of grievously bodily harm. Mr
> Jenson is reported as saying, "I just wanted her to have a swell time
> without me."
>
> ********
>
> In March 1997, Brian Crenshaw, a chemical engineer from West London,
> returned to the UK after spending the previous six months overseeing work
> at
> a petrochemicals plant in Nigeria. During his first week back, his wife
> complained that he seemed to have difficulty listening properly. Brian
> suggested that his ears had not fully recovered from the air pressure
> changes experienced during his flight.
>
> Over the next two weeks, Brian's condition worsened as he started to feel
> tickling sensations deep in his ears. Thinking the trouble was caused by
> loosened ear wax, he attempted to clean his ears with a ballpoint pen.
> When
> he pressed it into his right ear, he heard a cracking sound and saw the
> pen
> covered in a yellow goo. He went to his local GP claiming had punctured
> his
> ear drum.
>
> The GP reached into Brian's right ear with a pair of tweezers and pulled
> out
> what appeared to be an insect antenna. During the examination Brian was
> horrified to learn that he had a total of 5 African cockroaches living in
> his head.
>
> Four cockroaches were alive and one cockroach was dead, presumably crushed
> by Brian's pen attack. An investigation revealed that when Brian was in
> Nigeria, a female African cockroach must have laid numerous eggs in the
> toiletries bag where he kept his cotton buds. When he was cleaning his
> ears,
> he was also transferring the cockroach eggs to his inner ear where they
> started to hatch.
>
> ********
>
> On September 4 1999 at 9.30 am Ron Guptey of N.S.W Australia went into
> hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on call
> examined his swollen anus but was left puzzled because he had not seen
> such
> a thing before. Two more doctors examined him and they too were left
> confused about what was happening. Ron's health was deteriorating as the
> day
> wore on, he developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his
> abdomen.
>
> The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2.57 pm when
> he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead. An
> investigation was led to discover the reason of death.
>
> During the post mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal
> passage, but as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3
> or 4 black widow spiders in Ron's intestine. The police found a tree with
> a
> cut of branch along the side in Ron's back yard, there were traces of KY
> jelly and traces of rectal juices along the branch. There was also Black
> widow egg shells found inside the bark.
>
> Ron was apparently satisfying himself with this tree stump, but failed to
> notice the black widow nest on the tree. During his sexual act he had
> impregnated himself with the black widow eggs. The eggs had embedded in
> his
> rectal passage walls and were kept at the required temperature for the
> eggs
> to develop and finally hatch. Once the baby spiders were hatched they had
> bitten him and had poisoned him from the inside. Guess he was barking up
> the
> wrong tree.....
>
> ********
>
> NOW FOR THE BIG ONE...Suzy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
>
> One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke
> up
> with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea,
> but
> when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain. It
> was
> very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole.
>
> She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into
> the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing
> pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt
> out
> of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the
> sides
> of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the
> neighbours
> called the police.
>
> When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor
> of
> her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
> a
> stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a
> stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other
> leg,
> to straighten her out. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body
> out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the
> tip
> of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor
> with
> a wet popping sound.
>
> Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tiles of
> the
> bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat
> there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and
> forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea
> setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw
> was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
> convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp
> flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
>
> If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:
>
> Ms. DeLucci's official death was the result of a combination of shock and
> severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw
> what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the
> toilet and then on the floor.
>
> It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident
> she
> had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she
> gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At
> that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to
> flip
> its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX
> video
> in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.
>
> The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
> Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic
> hairs
> that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's
> face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's
> digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud and egg casings.
>
> Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the
> water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the
> lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's uterus when she was
> torturing it.
>
> Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only
> four
> days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of
> her
> menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud
> shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets
> sold
> throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp
> began
> doubling size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when
> she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in
> her
> toilet.
This ones, been on the radio!!!!!
edited for certain reasons though
M
13 October 2004, 11:37 PM
#4
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No longer hungry. Put me off food for at least 10 minutes.
What would the coroner put on the death certificate, death by misadventure?
What would the coroner put on the death certificate, death by misadventure?
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