ScoobyNet.com - Subaru Enthusiast Forum - these have probably done the rounds b4! but what the hell.

DON'T READ THE FOLLOWING 4 STORIES IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH - ESPECIALLY
> THE
> LAST ONE !!!
>
> About 7 am on August 25th 1998, thirty-six year old Mrs Sarah Jenson
> started
> her period. By the time she arrived at work an hour later, she had started
> to experience a chronic itching sensation in her crotch. Sarah worked as
> an
> advisor in a call centre and had recently received a final warning about
> her
> poor attendance record. To keep her job, she tried to ignore the itch and
> got on with answering customers calls. At 11:25am she reported to her boss
> that she was suffering from severe abdominal pain and it was only when she
> collapsed in her own vomit that he called for an ambulance.
>
> She was admitted to the Lincoln Hospital, Texas where doctors discovered
> that her vagina was greatly swollen and her labia had distended to three
> times normal size. Whilst cleaning the inflamed area, a tampon was found
> and
> it was sent away for analysis. Suspecting Toxic Shock Syndrome, Sarah was
> kept under close observation until her condition was no longer critical.
>
> One week later the Lab results on the tampon arrived and doctors were
> baffled to find that it contained traces of wasp venom. It transpires that
> Sarah was having an affair with her aerobics instructor, and when her
> husband Mr Henry Jenson found out, he was so enraged he wanted revenge.
>
> Knowing his wife was allergic to insect stings,he purchased wasp venom
> through a biochemical company. He lightly coated his wife's tampons with
> the
> venom, resealed the individual wrappers and replaced them in their box.
> Mrs
> Jenson has filed for a divorce and a case of grievously bodily harm. Mr
> Jenson is reported as saying, "I just wanted her to have a swell time
> without me."
>
> ********
>
> In March 1997, Brian Crenshaw, a chemical engineer from West London,
> returned to the UK after spending the previous six months overseeing work
> at
> a petrochemicals plant in Nigeria. During his first week back, his wife
> complained that he seemed to have difficulty listening properly. Brian
> suggested that his ears had not fully recovered from the air pressure
> changes experienced during his flight.
>
> Over the next two weeks, Brian's condition worsened as he started to feel
> tickling sensations deep in his ears. Thinking the trouble was caused by
> loosened ear wax, he attempted to clean his ears with a ballpoint pen.
> When
> he pressed it into his right ear, he heard a cracking sound and saw the
> pen
> covered in a yellow goo. He went to his local GP claiming had punctured
> his
> ear drum.
>
> The GP reached into Brian's right ear with a pair of tweezers and pulled
> out
> what appeared to be an insect antenna. During the examination Brian was
> horrified to learn that he had a total of 5 African cockroaches living in
> his head.
>
> Four cockroaches were alive and one cockroach was dead, presumably crushed
> by Brian's pen attack. An investigation revealed that when Brian was in
> Nigeria, a female African cockroach must have laid numerous eggs in the
> toiletries bag where he kept his cotton buds. When he was cleaning his
> ears,
> he was also transferring the cockroach eggs to his inner ear where they
> started to hatch.
>
> ********
>
> On September 4 1999 at 9.30 am Ron Guptey of N.S.W Australia went into
> hospital complaining of severe pain in the rectum area. The doctor on call
> examined his swollen anus but was left puzzled because he had not seen
> such
> a thing before. Two more doctors examined him and they too were left
> confused about what was happening. Ron's health was deteriorating as the
> day
> wore on, he developed a fever and was suffering a lot of pain around his
> abdomen.
>
> The doctors gave pain killers but the symptoms worsened until 2.57 pm when
> he lapsed into a coma and 2 hours later was pronounced dead. An
> investigation was led to discover the reason of death.
>
> During the post mortem, traces of wood bark were found inside the rectal
> passage, but as the examination went further the doctor discovered about 3
> or 4 black widow spiders in Ron's intestine. The police found a tree with
> a
> cut of branch along the side in Ron's back yard, there were traces of KY
> jelly and traces of rectal juices along the branch. There was also Black
> widow egg shells found inside the bark.
>
> Ron was apparently satisfying himself with this tree stump, but failed to
> notice the black widow nest on the tree. During his sexual act he had
> impregnated himself with the black widow eggs. The eggs had embedded in
> his
> rectal passage walls and were kept at the required temperature for the
> eggs
> to develop and finally hatch. Once the baby spiders were hatched they had
> bitten him and had poisoned him from the inside. Guess he was barking up
> the
> wrong tree.....
>
> ********
>
> NOW FOR THE BIG ONE...Suzy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.
>
> One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke
> up
> with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea,
> but
> when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain. It
> was
> very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole.
>
> She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into
> the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing
> pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt
> out
> of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the
> sides
> of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the
> neighbours
> called the police.
>
> When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor
> of
> her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was
> a
> stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a
> stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other
> leg,
> to straighten her out. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body
> out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the
> tip
> of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor
> with
> a wet popping sound.
>
> Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tiles of
> the
> bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat
> there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and
> forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea
> setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw
> was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
> convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp
> flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
>
> If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:
>
> Ms. DeLucci's official death was the result of a combination of shock and
> severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw
> what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the
> toilet and then on the floor.
>
> It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident
> she
> had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she
> gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At
> that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to
> flip
> its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX
> video
> in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.
>
> The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag.
> Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic
> hairs
> that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's
> face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's
> digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud and egg casings.
>
> Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the
> water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the
> lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's uterus when she was
> torturing it.
>
> Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only
> four
> days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of
> her
> menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud
> shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets
> sold
> throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp
> began
> doubling size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when
> she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in
> her
> toilet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by j4mou

This ones, been on the radio!!!!!

edited for certain reasons though

M