Discussion on Smacking misbehaving Kids
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Discussion on Smacking misbehaving Kids
Its cropped up in the news again and it may be law soon.
Now I don't have kids of my own, but its still an intresting debate.
I can see a need to protect kids whom are at risk, but does it requrie a blanket ban?
Personally I think this is pc gone ott, when I was a kid if you did anything wrong or naughty as a last resort generally you got a smack from mum or dad, If it was a family and friends gathering then any adult who was present would dispence a smack. Aunts Uncles Gran and Grand ect.
If it was especially bad then a wooden spoon on the back of the legs was applied. Have to admit you soon learnt not earn that too often. Other punishments were grounding and washing your mouth out with a bar of soap for bad language. (Hmm that didnt work too well).
What I want to know is If your child was misbehaving, and wasn't listening to you asking/telling them to stop how would you discipline the child with out smacking? Send to their room? not quite the same punishment these days with PC xboxes tv in most bedrooms.
If its going to be considerd assault to smack your child when they misbehave then how do these dogooders suggest we discipline the kids? Its fair enough using the assualt card but they don't offer any viable alterantives that I've seen.
When I have kids if they do misbehave and ignore what the adults say then I will most probably give them a smack.
Now I don't have kids of my own, but its still an intresting debate.
I can see a need to protect kids whom are at risk, but does it requrie a blanket ban?
Call for ban on smacking
DOZENS of leading figures from politics, business and the arts today call on the Government to ban smacking children.
Bridget Jones author Helen Fielding, Sir Richard Branson and other campaigners signed an open letter to Education Secretary Charles Clarke.
The letter reads: “It should be clear that an assault on a child is as wrong and unlawful as assaulting anyone else.”
Ministers oppose a ban but the House of Lords may vote today to end parents’ right to smack.
Agony aunt Claire Rayner and film director Stephen Frears have also signed the letter.
DOZENS of leading figures from politics, business and the arts today call on the Government to ban smacking children.
Bridget Jones author Helen Fielding, Sir Richard Branson and other campaigners signed an open letter to Education Secretary Charles Clarke.
The letter reads: “It should be clear that an assault on a child is as wrong and unlawful as assaulting anyone else.”
Ministers oppose a ban but the House of Lords may vote today to end parents’ right to smack.
Agony aunt Claire Rayner and film director Stephen Frears have also signed the letter.
Personally I think this is pc gone ott, when I was a kid if you did anything wrong or naughty as a last resort generally you got a smack from mum or dad, If it was a family and friends gathering then any adult who was present would dispence a smack. Aunts Uncles Gran and Grand ect.
If it was especially bad then a wooden spoon on the back of the legs was applied. Have to admit you soon learnt not earn that too often. Other punishments were grounding and washing your mouth out with a bar of soap for bad language. (Hmm that didnt work too well).
What I want to know is If your child was misbehaving, and wasn't listening to you asking/telling them to stop how would you discipline the child with out smacking? Send to their room? not quite the same punishment these days with PC xboxes tv in most bedrooms.
If its going to be considerd assault to smack your child when they misbehave then how do these dogooders suggest we discipline the kids? Its fair enough using the assualt card but they don't offer any viable alterantives that I've seen.
When I have kids if they do misbehave and ignore what the adults say then I will most probably give them a smack.
#2
What I want to know is If your child was misbehaving, and wasn't listening to you asking/telling them to stop how would you discipline the child with out smacking?
Soon get bored.
#3
agree with AB.
done the smacking thing with my eldest and she is now just a hard ***** that will take it just to annoy me! with our others we are going to avoid it whereever possible as it just doesnt work.
done the smacking thing with my eldest and she is now just a hard ***** that will take it just to annoy me! with our others we are going to avoid it whereever possible as it just doesnt work.
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Originally Posted by Audi-Boy
Just totally ignore them, don't even look at them.
Soon get bored.
Soon get bored.
So if they are running round shouting F off or being nasty to other kids you just ignore them?
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Originally Posted by Krade
So if they are running round shouting F off or being nasty to other kids you just ignore them?
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Difficult to judge in a lot of cases these days, I could easily state it did me and my peer group no harm whatsoever and that discipline in socierty has declined since then- however I come from a good family where both parents who are still together now, tried to impart knowledge but at the same time apply a 'black & white', consistent level to my overall enviroment. Today there are so many single parents/ none married couples/ single parents with limited access granted to their often unsuitable ex's that it becomes very hard to try and apply any of the same rules. A child needs clear and consistent guidelines whilst developing, ideally augmented by both a male & female input, without these its often the child who falls foul of a circumstance not of their making and its here that so called discipline can be used as a dissociative weapon by one or other parent.
#7
Originally Posted by Krade
So if they are running round shouting F off or being nasty to other kids you just ignore them?
Take the little b'stard to a phychologist.
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Originally Posted by Audi-Boy
They shouldn't be doing that if they have been brought up correctly!
Take the little b'stard to a phychologist.
Take the little b'stard to a phychologist.
er this is probably 60% of innercity, and towerblock kids these days.
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Originally Posted by RichWalk
Difficult to judge in a lot of cases these days, I could easily state it did me and my peer group no harm whatsoever and that discipline in socierty has declined since then- however I come from a good family where both parents who are still together now, tried to impart knowledge but at the same time apply a 'black & white', consistent level to my overall enviroment. Today there are so many single parents/ none married couples/ single parents with limited access granted to their often unsuitable ex's that it becomes very hard to try and apply any of the same rules. A child needs clear and consistent guidelines whilst developing, ideally augmented by both a male & female input, without these its often the child who falls foul of a circumstance not of their making and its here that so called discipline can be used as a dissociative weapon by one or other parent.
With the breakdown of the family unit maybe responsabillity should fall on the education services?
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Use Terry Jones' technique. As advised by US military.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/st...239688,00.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/st...239688,00.html
#13
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The kids you see running round shouting f-off are to a great extent already lost and probably in need of special help to put them back on track. Kids that are given a consistent/loving environment in which to grow MOSTLY never get to be revolting. ALL kids will push their boundaries you have to make NO mean NO and NEVER give in for a quiet life. We occassionally smack our 2 year olds hand but in the main it's very ineffective. To be effective I would have to smack her harder than I would feel comfortable with so I don't. Punishment is a grounding in her cot for a few minutes which works well for her. We find it more effective to reward the behaviour we want than punish that we don't.
We have NEVER asked our daughter to say please or thank you. Instead we lead by example and my partner and I always use please and thank you even with each other around the house. Our daughter now says please and thank you almost without fail and is regularly remarked at for doing so..
fingers crossed that things move along in the future as well.
We have NEVER asked our daughter to say please or thank you. Instead we lead by example and my partner and I always use please and thank you even with each other around the house. Our daughter now says please and thank you almost without fail and is regularly remarked at for doing so..
fingers crossed that things move along in the future as well.
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my little boy always says thankyou and occasionally says please when he can figure out how to say it! he is only 21 months old and says thankyou most of the time instead of please!
I think everyone should but out of how people bring up their kids. A smack never did me any harm and i've never been in trouble over anything! we were also sent to our room quite a bit when i was growing up but as has been said before it does no good when you have a tv in there!
Im sure even the ministers etc and people who are trying to bring this law into enforcement have smacked their kids at some point!
Although i agree sometimes some people go too far and do beat children which is wrong!
Rant over
I think everyone should but out of how people bring up their kids. A smack never did me any harm and i've never been in trouble over anything! we were also sent to our room quite a bit when i was growing up but as has been said before it does no good when you have a tv in there!
Im sure even the ministers etc and people who are trying to bring this law into enforcement have smacked their kids at some point!
Although i agree sometimes some people go too far and do beat children which is wrong!
Rant over
#15
What makes any of you think you have the right to use your physical advantage to get your own way. You don't do it with other adults so why do it with your kids?
Isn't it just laziness?
If you really worked at reasoning with children, stop to explain why your request need to be done and build a trusting understanding relationship then why would you want to spoil it by hitting them?
It's shameful that the discussion about introducing a law even sees light of day never mind gets openly debated and criticised
Isn't it just laziness?
If you really worked at reasoning with children, stop to explain why your request need to be done and build a trusting understanding relationship then why would you want to spoil it by hitting them?
It's shameful that the discussion about introducing a law even sees light of day never mind gets openly debated and criticised
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My personal opinion is that it is wrong to ban smacking a child. Yes, there does need to be protection to stop abuse of children, but banning smacking is very silly indeed.
I was smacked as a child and it never did me any harm, in fact, it probably stopped me from doing silly things. I recall trying to stick a fork in the mains and getting a good ol clout round the ear when I ignored the repeated warnings of "don't do that son!". It taught me that what I was doing probably was not good and that is why I got a smack.
Smacking a child is the last and NOT the first resort. you ask/tell a child not to do something, if they listen, job done, if they don't/won't listen or disobey then what do you do? keep telling them? hmm, no you give them a smack, and I am not talking about a full force fist across the face, i'm talking about a light whack on the behind, or maybe a clip round the ear.
If there are people on here who do not smack their kids then can you tell me how to do deal with them when they are out of line? Put them in their room? with all their toys/computers/books hmm, that really sounds like punishment to me! (can you detect the sarcasm? )
As for igoring them, sorry, don't buy that one. If you ignore them, then they will, from personal experience, simply continue doing what they were, as they know they can 'get away with it' as you simply ignore what they are doing.
I KNOW I would be a very strict father, and yes, I would smack my kids if they overstepped the mark, and I have no problems with admiting that I would do that. How many of you have never been smacked by your parents?
I was smacked as a child and it never did me any harm, in fact, it probably stopped me from doing silly things. I recall trying to stick a fork in the mains and getting a good ol clout round the ear when I ignored the repeated warnings of "don't do that son!". It taught me that what I was doing probably was not good and that is why I got a smack.
Smacking a child is the last and NOT the first resort. you ask/tell a child not to do something, if they listen, job done, if they don't/won't listen or disobey then what do you do? keep telling them? hmm, no you give them a smack, and I am not talking about a full force fist across the face, i'm talking about a light whack on the behind, or maybe a clip round the ear.
If there are people on here who do not smack their kids then can you tell me how to do deal with them when they are out of line? Put them in their room? with all their toys/computers/books hmm, that really sounds like punishment to me! (can you detect the sarcasm? )
As for igoring them, sorry, don't buy that one. If you ignore them, then they will, from personal experience, simply continue doing what they were, as they know they can 'get away with it' as you simply ignore what they are doing.
I KNOW I would be a very strict father, and yes, I would smack my kids if they overstepped the mark, and I have no problems with admiting that I would do that. How many of you have never been smacked by your parents?
Last edited by Markus; 22 June 2004 at 09:05 PM.
#18
All kids should be thrashed to within inches of there lives!!!
the little bu**ers need to know who,s boss!!!!
its a tough one, as a parent, i can see both the pro,s and cons,,
i think what the law was strying to set out was to prevent kids from being beaten to death by there parents!!!!
its a fine line between chastisement and assult, I,m not admitting anything m,lud
looking back, i was smacked as a child, and it certainly never did me any harm...
but we dont punish kids today, we give them holidays and try to reason with them!!!!!
erm arn,t we missin the point... they are kids, there certainly not daft!!!!
just think,, good behaivior........**** all
nick a tv, joyride mug an old laby holiday in the bahamas
its because we dont, ar,nt allowd to punish, or should i say apply petty
punishments, that they have no effect.
whilst i agree with rewarding good behavior to a degree
it soon becomes its own worts enemy
how many of you with older kids, reward your kids for passing exams???
what do you give them 5£ £10??
and when they pass there o levels ?? 100 200
a levels buy them a car..
they then have a warped perspective on value!!!!
they think everything is owed to them, and they have to have the best...
all the time
mart
(parent x2 )
the little bu**ers need to know who,s boss!!!!
its a tough one, as a parent, i can see both the pro,s and cons,,
i think what the law was strying to set out was to prevent kids from being beaten to death by there parents!!!!
its a fine line between chastisement and assult, I,m not admitting anything m,lud
looking back, i was smacked as a child, and it certainly never did me any harm...
but we dont punish kids today, we give them holidays and try to reason with them!!!!!
erm arn,t we missin the point... they are kids, there certainly not daft!!!!
just think,, good behaivior........**** all
nick a tv, joyride mug an old laby holiday in the bahamas
its because we dont, ar,nt allowd to punish, or should i say apply petty
punishments, that they have no effect.
whilst i agree with rewarding good behavior to a degree
it soon becomes its own worts enemy
how many of you with older kids, reward your kids for passing exams???
what do you give them 5£ £10??
and when they pass there o levels ?? 100 200
a levels buy them a car..
they then have a warped perspective on value!!!!
they think everything is owed to them, and they have to have the best...
all the time
mart
(parent x2 )
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Its uncanny how the modern day approach to disciplining kids seems to be taken straight out of dog training literature!
For years, dog trainers have understood that in order to get the desired behaviour, you must teach the dog what is right and encourage the dog to "think" so that he chooses his own course of action, hopefully the right one which brings reward.
Some of the suggestions above......
"Ignore them, they soon get bored"
This is exactly what you are supposed to do with mischevious/cheeky pups, as they vie for your attention and hate being ignored. The idea being, that they soon stop the misbehaviour to avoid being ignored.
"We ground her in her cot for a few minutes"
Again, for years, the tried and tested method for training dogs, has been to banish the dog into another room for 5 minutes or so after bad behaviour.
Pups (and children) are sociable creatures and cannot bear to be stuck alone so they quickly learn to stop the unwanted behaviour and they don't get papped out!
If these methods have worked for years and years on dogs, why has it taken so long for humans to adopt the same psychology with their children?
Don't get me wrong, I was given a cuff round the ear when I really deserved it, but I was never "beaten" and my parents earned my respect without threats nor physical violence.
My point is, that things are going too far in the wrong direction IMHO.
Banning smacking altogether is fraught with danger, but the supporters of this are going to continue to pursue their goal.
It is a very difficult situation, as something must be done regards the abuse and cruelty some children are subjected to under the guise of "disciplining" or "smacking".
The question is, what?
For years, dog trainers have understood that in order to get the desired behaviour, you must teach the dog what is right and encourage the dog to "think" so that he chooses his own course of action, hopefully the right one which brings reward.
Some of the suggestions above......
"Ignore them, they soon get bored"
This is exactly what you are supposed to do with mischevious/cheeky pups, as they vie for your attention and hate being ignored. The idea being, that they soon stop the misbehaviour to avoid being ignored.
"We ground her in her cot for a few minutes"
Again, for years, the tried and tested method for training dogs, has been to banish the dog into another room for 5 minutes or so after bad behaviour.
Pups (and children) are sociable creatures and cannot bear to be stuck alone so they quickly learn to stop the unwanted behaviour and they don't get papped out!
If these methods have worked for years and years on dogs, why has it taken so long for humans to adopt the same psychology with their children?
Don't get me wrong, I was given a cuff round the ear when I really deserved it, but I was never "beaten" and my parents earned my respect without threats nor physical violence.
My point is, that things are going too far in the wrong direction IMHO.
Banning smacking altogether is fraught with danger, but the supporters of this are going to continue to pursue their goal.
It is a very difficult situation, as something must be done regards the abuse and cruelty some children are subjected to under the guise of "disciplining" or "smacking".
The question is, what?
Last edited by talizman; 22 June 2004 at 10:44 PM.
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Never did me or my bros any harm, never did my kids any harm and look what harm has been done to and by those who never experienced a smack !
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Same here i turned out ok so did my brother and sister.I have two kids they get the occasional clip round the ear but it's usually a last resort, they know when theyv'e earned it.
#23
I had a healthy respect and sometimes fear of my father. Me and my brothers used to (and still do) look up to our father. We never wanted to upset him or embarrass him in any way. I guess he instill it in us by his own manner and character. My mates have some really rude, naughty and generally irritating kids and it is simply down to one thing ...lack of discipline. I have a 4 year old son and I can general explain to him why he should or should not do things. If he does go beyond the bounds he is dealt with in the following way:
1. Told gently to stop it or do it.
2. Told a little more assertively the same again.
3. Told with a warning with a raised voice.
4. Told that any treat he was due to receive he has or will lose.
5. Made to sit on his 'Purple chair' until further notice whether he cries or screams (If he does cry or scream he is told to be quiet then threatened with being hit).
6. Last, last, last, last and last resort hit on the hand with a wooden spatula. (BEFORE WHICH HE GETS A WARNING OF IMPENDING HITTING). The hitting is hard enough to hurt but no way hard enough to damage and that is usually more than enough.
I will tell you one thing... seeing your child cry because you are disciplining him or when you are absolutely forced to hit him is heart breaking and gives you an immense sense of guilt afterwards...but it has to be done. I have seen the result of lack of discipline on kids who's parents I know who are not chav's in any way shape or form and it creates brats, monsters and nasty kids that nobody likes.
By the way number 5 has only been used once and number 6 only about three times EVER. We only introduced 5 recently as he was not old enough to understand that order a few years back!!!
What someone said before about a loving enviroment with mutual love and respect...showing by example is by far the best way and my wife and I have found it to be very successful. We only every really have to go to stage 2 in most cases but it was due to our determination not to breed a scumbag brat. 90% of the time number 1 works especially if you explain to him why in detail.
Another thing you must know is that kids will push it as far as they can give them an inch and they will take a mile!!! So you really have to put your foot down sometimes and be consistent. Keeping them busy and occupied also helps and gets them tired for bedtime and by the way your kids totally emulate you so watch the swearing and bad behaviour eh guys?!!!
1. Told gently to stop it or do it.
2. Told a little more assertively the same again.
3. Told with a warning with a raised voice.
4. Told that any treat he was due to receive he has or will lose.
5. Made to sit on his 'Purple chair' until further notice whether he cries or screams (If he does cry or scream he is told to be quiet then threatened with being hit).
6. Last, last, last, last and last resort hit on the hand with a wooden spatula. (BEFORE WHICH HE GETS A WARNING OF IMPENDING HITTING). The hitting is hard enough to hurt but no way hard enough to damage and that is usually more than enough.
I will tell you one thing... seeing your child cry because you are disciplining him or when you are absolutely forced to hit him is heart breaking and gives you an immense sense of guilt afterwards...but it has to be done. I have seen the result of lack of discipline on kids who's parents I know who are not chav's in any way shape or form and it creates brats, monsters and nasty kids that nobody likes.
By the way number 5 has only been used once and number 6 only about three times EVER. We only introduced 5 recently as he was not old enough to understand that order a few years back!!!
What someone said before about a loving enviroment with mutual love and respect...showing by example is by far the best way and my wife and I have found it to be very successful. We only every really have to go to stage 2 in most cases but it was due to our determination not to breed a scumbag brat. 90% of the time number 1 works especially if you explain to him why in detail.
Another thing you must know is that kids will push it as far as they can give them an inch and they will take a mile!!! So you really have to put your foot down sometimes and be consistent. Keeping them busy and occupied also helps and gets them tired for bedtime and by the way your kids totally emulate you so watch the swearing and bad behaviour eh guys?!!!
#24
As a child I was smacked if I misbehaved. It didn't do me any harm.
I know that as a father I will be strict when it comes to misbehaviour. I know that I can/will do that with my kids (if I do decide to have any) and not lose any respect, just as it was with msyelf and my parents, but in the past with the children of an-ex I did not smack them and very rarely raised my voice to them, I left it to their mother. The odd occasions when I did raise my voice they soon realised that I wasn't joking. At that point they stopped playing me up but they continued to play up their mother.
I know that as a father I will be strict when it comes to misbehaviour. I know that I can/will do that with my kids (if I do decide to have any) and not lose any respect, just as it was with msyelf and my parents, but in the past with the children of an-ex I did not smack them and very rarely raised my voice to them, I left it to their mother. The odd occasions when I did raise my voice they soon realised that I wasn't joking. At that point they stopped playing me up but they continued to play up their mother.
#25
I dont respect my stepfather because he hit me - nor do I thank him for 'making me into the man I am today'
I resent the fact deeply that I was hit as a child. I don't believe it worked properly.
We shall see with my own children, due in a month. Wish me luck. I am not a chav (much!) but I do have respect for my parents for respecting me and my own boundaries as I grew older. I think it was because I fuc*ing hated physical violence of any form (instilled by my natural father) that I changed the way I acted.
Damian
I resent the fact deeply that I was hit as a child. I don't believe it worked properly.
We shall see with my own children, due in a month. Wish me luck. I am not a chav (much!) but I do have respect for my parents for respecting me and my own boundaries as I grew older. I think it was because I fuc*ing hated physical violence of any form (instilled by my natural father) that I changed the way I acted.
Damian
#26
I just think parenting should be left to individuals. I think most *reasonable* people can draw a clear disinction between "a smack" and "hitting" (whether they themselves would choose to samck or not) - yet its incredibly hard to define in writing.
Banning all smacking to simply deal with the very very small minority who cannot draw a line is overkill and will only further the feeling that "normal" law abiding parents are having yet more controls placed by an increasingly nanny state.
I personally cant ever remember being smacked - but I'm assured I was occasionally before I reached an age where reason would work ( about 24 then )
Deano
Banning all smacking to simply deal with the very very small minority who cannot draw a line is overkill and will only further the feeling that "normal" law abiding parents are having yet more controls placed by an increasingly nanny state.
I personally cant ever remember being smacked - but I'm assured I was occasionally before I reached an age where reason would work ( about 24 then )
Deano
#28
If we want to live in a civilised society the children have to be brought up to respect authority. All children have different personalities of course and if they do stray then the best type of punishment will vary for each one.
It is often necessary to administer a sharp smack that will sting without causing any physical harm but will get the message home. Nothing wrong with that and the parent should do their best to keep in personal control as well. Uncontrolled beating is wrong of course and will do nothing to teach good discipline to the child either. The best way is to make the child feel shame at its actions and a smack will do that very well at times.
The main thing is to get some of the modern day parents to actually take an interest in the upbringing of their child instead of letting them run wild or defending them when they have done wrong when someone like a teacher wants to discipline them.
Children who have been brought up to realise that they can't do just what they want regardless of others are the ones who respect and love their parents most in later life.
Banning smacking totally is just another example of the muddled thinking by the PC fraternity.
Les
It is often necessary to administer a sharp smack that will sting without causing any physical harm but will get the message home. Nothing wrong with that and the parent should do their best to keep in personal control as well. Uncontrolled beating is wrong of course and will do nothing to teach good discipline to the child either. The best way is to make the child feel shame at its actions and a smack will do that very well at times.
The main thing is to get some of the modern day parents to actually take an interest in the upbringing of their child instead of letting them run wild or defending them when they have done wrong when someone like a teacher wants to discipline them.
Children who have been brought up to realise that they can't do just what they want regardless of others are the ones who respect and love their parents most in later life.
Banning smacking totally is just another example of the muddled thinking by the PC fraternity.
Les
#29
"The best way is to make the child feel shame at its actions and a smack will do that very well at times."
and heres the problem....tap on the butt in Tescos will make the kid feel silly and shame them into stopping....HOWEVER, tap on the butt at home and th shame comes from showinging it hurt...so how hard do you smack before you achive the effect you want and does that come at a point past where you're in full controll?
i remember my dad smacking me and me just thinking sod you! i dont dislike him now, im off the "im fine" brigade...but i know the smacking was pointless- he would have been better to ground me.
i have reached that point with my 8 year old daughter- to smack her to a point where it was a punishment would be to hard, it would certainly be beyond a tap on th butt and she would just get pissed off at me...and me at her!
so i ground her instead...she cant say "didnt hurt" to not being allowed out to play because we all know it does hurt...just not physically.
and heres the problem....tap on the butt in Tescos will make the kid feel silly and shame them into stopping....HOWEVER, tap on the butt at home and th shame comes from showinging it hurt...so how hard do you smack before you achive the effect you want and does that come at a point past where you're in full controll?
i remember my dad smacking me and me just thinking sod you! i dont dislike him now, im off the "im fine" brigade...but i know the smacking was pointless- he would have been better to ground me.
i have reached that point with my 8 year old daughter- to smack her to a point where it was a punishment would be to hard, it would certainly be beyond a tap on th butt and she would just get pissed off at me...and me at her!
so i ground her instead...she cant say "didnt hurt" to not being allowed out to play because we all know it does hurt...just not physically.
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So you see a two year old about to stick his fingers in a light socket. A change of voice and a light smack may well teach him that is not something to do again?
Funnily enough my kids are now 16 and 18 and if they get sassy with me I joke in a Simpson type way that I should have thrashed them more when they were kids!
In stressful times smacking is sometimes the easy/bullying option for a parent and that's where the danger lies IMHO. DL
Funnily enough my kids are now 16 and 18 and if they get sassy with me I joke in a Simpson type way that I should have thrashed them more when they were kids!
In stressful times smacking is sometimes the easy/bullying option for a parent and that's where the danger lies IMHO. DL