Iwan

A good friend of mine in the office's little boy (8 years old) has been set an assignment at school to find and memorise a joke, and then present it (orally) to the class tomorrow morning.

It needs to be short (easy to remember), clean (suitable for 8 year olds) and preferably as funny as possible (he want's to do well).

I'm racking my brains but can't think of anything so far, well nothing that meets the above criteria anyway!

Any suggestions?

Cheers,

Iwan

OllyK

Google

Iwan

Great start, thanks

Why didn't i think of that....

Iwan

Fosters

just got this:

A lady brings a very stiff parrott to the vet's. The vet examines the bird,
listens to the heart and says:
- I am sorry, this bird is dead.
- What, says the lady, you have hardly looked at him and you just say he is
dead? Can't you do some tests, make absolutely sure?
- O.K. says the vet.

He goes out of the room and comes back with a beautiful black labrador. The
dog sniffs the parrott, pokes it a bit, then looks sadly at the
vet, shakes it's head and leaves. The vet goes out again and comes back
with a cat. The cat jumps on the table, sniffs the parrott very
delicately, shakes it's head and leaves.
- Sorry, Madam, says the vet, the bird is really dead and there is nothing
I can do.

He types on his computer, prints out the bill and hands it to the
distraught lady.
- What, she says, £100 just to tell me that my parrott is dead? That is
ridiculous.
- Well, if you had been satisfied with just my diagnostic, it would have
been only £20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, what do you
expect...!

Iwan

Nice one

Not sure if he'll remember that but cheers anyway!

Fosters

Not really child friendly, but it made me laugh and i can't be bothered to create a new thread!

> GIRLFRIENDS DIARY!
>
> Sunday 13th June 2004
>
> Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went
> shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late
> so thought it might be that.
>
> The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere
> quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I
> suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
>
> All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and

> didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.
I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I
wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed. I asked
him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his
head and turned the television on.
>
> After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.

> I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just

> gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but
> later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed
> distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to
> leave me, and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep.
>
>
>
> BLOKES DIARY
> Sunday 13th June 2004.
>
> England lost to France. Gutted. Got a sh@g though.

MattW

What do you call a Gay dinosaur?

Megasaurass


Not suitable, oh well that's about the cleanest I have

Scumbag

What's brown and sticky....?









A stick !

fast bloke

what is pink and hard?

What goes in crisp and hard and comes out limp and soggy?

Carl Davey

iTrader: (3)

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?".


Practically the only joke i can ever remember and it's nice and short?

shamrock

Two cows in a field. One cow says to the other "are you worried about catching this mad cow disease ?" The other cow replies "no, cos I'm a helicopter."

Best I could come up with I'm afraid ...

TelBoy

The old standby. Always works;

What's red and stands in the corner?

A naughty bus.


Trust me!

IWatkins

Two parrots standing on a perch. One say to the other "Can you smell fish ?"

David Lock

Boat carrying a cargo of red paint collided with a boat carrying a cargo of blue paint.

Fortunately all the sailors on board swam to safety to a desert island where they were marooned for several months....

Funnily enough kids usually get this immediately but some adults have to think about it.

David Lock

Chap keeps 2 Parrots in a cage. Comes down one morning and there has been a hell of a fight. Feathers everywhere with one Parrot almost completely bald.

Chap say to Parrot "that was a bit of a punch up eh?". To which the bald Parrot replies "yeah, had to take my coat off for that one"

Fat Boy

What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals?

Philippe Flop

Dracoro

Two sausages in a frying pan. One says to the other 'Gosh, hot in here isn't it'. The other replies 'Wooaaahh, a talking sausage!'

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?







































A carrot

douglasb

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes!

Scumbag

My niece's favourite:
What do you call a fish with no eyes?...........
.................................................. ...........
.................................................. ...........
a fshhhhh

mj

aha!

what do you call a fly with no wings?

a walk

or: ( made me laugh when I was a whippersnapper anyway )

There was a young lady from Ealing,
That had a peculiar feeling,
She lay on her back,
and opened her crack,
and pissed all over the ceiling.

There was a young man from Bengal,
That once did a turn at a hall,
His favourite trick,
Was to spin on his Dick,
Then roll off the stage on one ball.

apologies for the last 2

gyfto1

how do you get pikachu on a bus?
you pokemon boom boom

gyfto1

whats the fastest thing on the river bed?
a motorpike and sidecarp

whats yellow and smells of bananas?
monkey sick

and a very old one
why do elephants have big ears?
cos noddy wont pay the ransom

oh dear very very sorry

Iwan

Heh heh, some good ones there. Cheers all!

gyfto1

last one
two cows in a field,one says moooooo
the other one says oh! i was gonna say that

Apparition

What's brown and steams and comes out of cowes backwards?



The Isle of Wight Ferry !

Apparition

I always eat peas with honey,
I've done it all me life,
They do taste sort of funny,
but it keeps them on me knife !

Apparition

Oh .....and why is it that cannibals won't eat clowns ???????




Coz they taste funny !

Aaquil

mj,

You dirty old man!!!