john_s

iTrader: (1)

Not my usual thing to post stuff like this in public, but I can't get things clear in my head, so I thought I'd throw it open to the SN agony aunts and uncles!

Here goes...

Dear Scoobynet...

Recently I've got to know a great girl, and we finally went out for a drink in town Thursday evening last week. We got on really well (I'd have to say it was the best first date I've ever been on), and things went in a somewhat unexpected (but very pleasant ) direction. We went our separate ways friday morning with parting comments along the lines that we would see each other again very soon and at worst this (coming) weekend.

Now for the problem... I've known right from the outset that she has a longish term partner (on & off over 4 years); they don't live together and see each other a couple of nights a week.

All weekend we were swapping suggestive text messages (and a few explicit ones as well). Sunday night she was with her partner. Monday morning i got a text saying she'd "decided to behave" as it "wasn't fair on her partner". I put this down to a feeling of guilt and decided to back off and see what transpires by weekend. Last night, the odd message did get a little on the suggestive side again.

The last thing I'd want is to cause a couple to split up, so half of me wants to just let it drop and walk away.

The other half of me thinks I should enjoy the fun, and as long as her partner doesn't know about us or doesn't give her the attention she's worth, no harm's being done and I should make the most of it.

Another half of me thinks I'm being silly & can't believe that someone has got to me so quickly (if anything, I'm usually guilty of being too distant in the early stages of relationships), especially given that I knew what I was getting myself into before anything happened!

The last half of me thinks she's something really special and worth making an effort to see if we can get something going.

As you can see, I'm well confused, and would welcome any comments / inputs / suggestions to help clear my head (I haven't managed it on my own, just further confused now).

Cheers,

Confused, Lancashire.

ps - only "helpful" suggestion to date was "***** to it, get up town and get sh!tfaced"

pps - best mate didn't help, just suggested I look out for myself - which is fine, but I've no idea what I want to look out for!

Nicci

'she' is the forbidden fruit and that has made things feel really good.

If you can just enjoy yourself and not get too attached then have a good time, sounds like she enjoys the attention (and so do you).

Buzzer

You've got a split personality mate, you've got 3 halves

LeeMac

iTrader: (1)

Been there, done that, been with her for 12 years now


DONT DO IT!


only jokin, only you can decide, soz, no help whatsoever, but i'd do it again (if i was single!)

Spoon

Yes, a cherry too far me thinks.

She'll play with you while you play too, only you sound like you may get hurt.

If you can't play without it getting complicated then you are better stopping now surely?

Let her do the chasing for one to see if she is more than just wanting a jump.

This way things might progress without her feeling flattered about having 2 dícks to choose from whenever she wants.

Danbo

If you are starting to get feelings for her then it is probably a good time to stop now......

It will only get messy otherwise....

pslewis

You will ALWAYS know that she could, and would, cheat on YOU too later down the line.

If you can play WITHOUT falling in love with her then its fine and dandy - just remember you are second fiddle to her long term partner!

Another thing, when he finds out and he will eventually! He could come looking for you! How big is he? Is he mean? You could end up with BIG ****!

Pete

MJW

I think it was Jack Nicholson who said 'Never rub another man's rhubarb'

wakeboardar

if i was the what you call the longish term partner i would rip your fugging ***** off

go find a proper date *******

MattW

I'm with Pete on this one, she will cheat on you too. I'd still give her another one for good luck tho'

julian N/W wrx my93

i lost count of the people that i've been with who've had parners, just play and enjoy the game, its wot i do! (but always remember to wear a condom)

there was one who use to phone me whem her husband had left for work and the kids had gone to school!

and i won't even mention my g/f of 3 1/2 years knows nothing of wot i get up to.

julian N/W wrx my93

doesn't live with me!

gets better!

Dan J

Well don't be sitting there thinking she's not doing exactly the same...!

scoobchrissy

iTrader: (1)

if she can cheat on her other partner, she will also cheat on you, **** her off IMO lol.

julian N/W wrx my93

she's at her mum and dads with our 6 month child........

FASTER MIKE!!

i'm with pete and Matt. just give her a good seeing to every now and then. but then again you sound a little bit too interested in her so forget about her. move on

julian N/W wrx my93

any holes a goal!

thats the way i look at it!

if shes dirty stick to sliping her one whenever and where ever!

DEC14N

Only you can say what is right for you. Nobody else should influence your feelings, go with what you feel is right. We all get hurt at some point and at some point we all meet the 'one we spend the rest of our lives with'. No one else can make this sort of choice for you. Cheating on who she is with now does not mean she would cheat on you, it all depends on what feelings you have for a particular person, if she is lying to herself about her feelings towards this other person of course she is going to cheat, maybe she feels more towards you, who knows??? this sort of situation is only really for you to work out. Good luck m8.

||VaNDaL||

easy one this......

ever been the "last one to know"???


feels so good, to know that you mean so little to someone, believe me it so improves ya self esteem and trust for others that you can be fuct for future relationships





makes ya both a pair'o'maggots in my eyes

Brun

She's a player.
If she wants any sort of relationship with you then tell her to break it off with her man.
Bet you she won't!!!
If she won't do it then save your meat and potatoes for another lettuce

mad_dr

Wow a live one!

You need to sort this out now - as has been said before here - any further you go and you're going to get hurt.

Turn things around on her and see how she likes to be played with and made to feel like **** (let's face it: you say you're confused, but you're not really are you? how could it be any LESS confusing? How about if she got ANOTHER bloke on the scene for the nights when she's not with her man or you?)

Send her a dirty text, calling her by someone else's name and when she kicks off, tell her that you meant to send it to one of your "other girlfriends". Say it as if it's the most obvious/normal thing in the world. See how she reacts. I bet she goes off at you for being 'unfaithful' or at LEAST insinuates that you've done something wrong.

"What's good enough for the goose..."

Then be 'busy' for a few days/weeks. VERY FEW texts, nothing saucy and always reply at LEAST an hour after she texts you. If she comes on strong, tell her that you're not interested and that you're looking for someone who's single.

It'll either drive her mad or she'll show her true colours and you can walk away knowing that you've side-stepped a huge landmine.

Trust me mate - this one's got trouble written all over her.

RichWalk

What ever you do, dont be messed around, put yourself first, in a decent way, if you really think there is a future with her, just tell her and make sure you are not willing to play second string to anyone else. If she's playing you get rid now, most women are loons, so go and find decent one!

the moose

Why does she have a lonmg-term partner AND go for stuff on the side?

If it's a long-term partner who will remain so for the forseeable future, I'd end it now. If, on the other hand, she's on the verge of ending it with LTP, it might be that you've got a chance of making something of this

It might be that you're ust after a quick ****, in which case fine; should you be looking for more than this, you need some sort of signal either way as to what her intentions are regarding LTP.

Honest opinion: I'd walk away. You're looking for more than she's prepared to offer.

juan

You reckon thats clever?
Shame for the kid. It'll come out one day.



Regardig the problem at hand, I had a mate in a similar situation. The bird was torn between the two and said she would cool it briefly and deceide what she wanted. She chose to drop 4 year bloke and go for my mate instead. been together a couple fo years now.

If yours is thinking about splitting up with blokey then she's keen long term. If not then she's just foolin around. Sounds more like its her decision than yours tha will give an outcome.

cheers

EddScott

Been there done it, didn't come of too well either.

Got too close to my misses best mate who actually had only just got married (tried kissing me on wedding day!) and it all got a bit out of hand and quite messy. At one point I would gladly done anything for this girl but after the event it would appear she just played me and her hubby for attention.

Not the best of things to carry on with someone else if either one of you is in a relationship but these things happen. I would suggest shes just enjoying the attentions of two men and if you are developing feeling other than a "Good ****" then I'd take the pain now rather than carry it on as in these situations its the one with the feelings that gets hurt the most.

Jamo

iTrader: (23)

id put you in a box if it was my missus. dont do it.