T4molie

....who can be bothered

How do you know...........if you're with the right one (I mean partner here ) ?

Been with my girlfriend for about 8 years or so (living together about 4). She's got to the point where she wants to settle and have kids and after all this time I still find myself questioning everything!?!?!

The only time I truly feel at piece is when I'm driving the Scoob - is tis odd?

Roll on the commenst......

ProperCharlie

*at peace*, surely?

RichWalk

If it feels right.....absolutely right get on and do it. If your asking questions and still not sure, dont bother...... do the decent think and leg it. Remeber youve got far more time than she has.

weapon69

lol yeah stop wasting her time

ProperCharlie

have you checked out any other members of her family?

T4molie

ok ok so I cint sepll peace and comments

RW Yeah don't I know it.... her body clock is going off like the equivalent of a nuclear bomb!

ProperCharlie

if she has a younger sister, for example, that could give you a few extra years...

T4molie

LOL @ PC - er well she only has a brother and erm how can I put this....blokes aren't my type!

ProperCharlie

ah well - just have to move along then, i guess.

OllyK

Nothing wrong with questioning things, continual re-assement of the situation, applies to everything not just partners. The bigger question is do you come up with any answers and if so what are they?

If she wants to settle and have kids and you don't then you may have a problem. If you are just unsure about it, get her to be specific about her wants, needs and expectations and see if you can work within those and if not if you can negotiate things so that you have a situtation you are both happy with.

I suspect, and this really is guessing as i don't know you, that you do not feel comfortable about the idea of change. Settling down and having kids marks a change of era and the start of something new. There are all the worries about money, will I be a good Dad etc etc. Everybody goes through this, some just worry about it less than others.

Best advice I can give you is to plan a nice evening in together, no distractions, turn off the TV, have a nice meal and thrash it through, see what common ground you have with your long term goals and see what differences you have, then see what you can do to resolve the differences.

ProperCharlie

on a serious note - when i met my other half (8 years ago), i didn't think that i would want kids. it wasn't until i was 28 that i decided i did, and luckily she did too, and now we have one!

how cool is that?

RichWalk

be carefull you dont become one of the many guys/girls walking around saying to their mates "oh it was totally unplanned"....... that will usually be a v.large 1-0 to the girls!

Fosters

try this for a month and see if it's your life style:
don't go out, except to buy food/toiletries. try to do this at very varying times in the day (like at a 24hr tescos), make sure 20% of the trips are after midnight.
don't have sex
take one day's rubbish and throw it in your car. try not to let it bother you as this is normal.
when you go to bed. set your alarm for every 2 hours.
don't contact any of your single friends during this time (as they will slowly but surely cease contact with you, unless they have kids)
to emulate feeding a child, make 1 bowl of porridge. throw 2/3s on the floor and 1/3 over the nearest wall
randomly place chocolate hob **** under and in your furniture.
and lastly, puncture a hole in one of the cones in your £800 pair of loudspeakers and put greasy handprints all over your tv screen.

you think i'm joking, it *all* doesn't happen every day, but sure as **** will every week, week in week out.

Diesel

There is no ‘100% sure’ in my book. You just have to give it a punt based on your current BEST JUDGEMENT. If you don’t you will end up one of these sad late thirties guys who get sex, but are always alone. Too many I know are still looking for THE ONE that is PERFECTION ON LEGS and who gives them a hard on just by looking at her toothbrush Its all about compromise and tolerating imperfection (particularly in me!!) and all the good ones will be gone by late twenties you know!

D

T4molie

I think Olly may have hit the nail on the head - one thing my olds have always said to me is that I've never been good with change!!

I do see myself settling down and having kids someday and yeah there is the whole worry about money and so on. It worries me that we come from slightly different backgrounds....her from an environment where her whole family live within a 5 mile radius of each other and are hence very close and deffo not drinkers / pub goers whereas me yeah I come from a close family but we're all separating and doing are own things....

I like to socialise whereas she's happy just having her family, even if they are 120 miles away!! If she comes to the local with me, I sort of feel guilty leaving her side cos she doesn't really have much to talk about with any of my friends / or attempt to get to know any of them.

We recently went on holiday and we had a good time. Felt very comfortable in each others company and the conversation was mostly flowing...but now back into normal life and I'm just starting to feel bored again

TopBanana

LOL @ Fosters

ProperCharlie

i don't think it's necessarily a problem that you have different backgrounds - as long as you both understand it. i spent years being compared (unfavourably ) to my g/f's dad, as she was a bit of a daddy's girl - even though she wouldn't admit it. as time went on she realised that what she had with he was more important than her family, and we get on better than ever. and now i really am the daddy.

T4molie

LOL @ Fosters - yeah I sort of know what you mean already

I've got a nephew (now 6) and a niece (now 4) and babysat them quite a lot when they were babies - my god my bro's place ALWAYS looked like a bomb had repeatedly been off!!

T4molie

LOL ok PC is now officially the DADDY

OllyK

Fosters - you forgot the worst bit, projectile waste products in all directions Yuk!
Babies aren't so bad once they stop being mobile pissing, ****ting and puking machines and can crash you a ciggie and buy a round in the pub

T4molie

Olly you're starting to sound like a woman I used to work for! She basically hated kids and thought they were a waste of space until they hit 18 and became useful

OllyK

With the youth of today, not sure they become useful at 18 either!! Sounds like a wise woman to me

Fosters

I was thinking about the various output methods babies have at their disposal, but in this context it's not easy to recreate a comparable scenario ;-)

My boys are useful! at the age of 3 and 5, they wash up (no knives and glass), fetch stuff, do their own cereal, put on dvds/videos, can find cbeebies on sky (i can't actually remember the channel!).

Fosters

they have to work together to drive the rangerover tho.

Spoon

Maybe you need to feel your piece more often and not just in your Scooby, after all it's an offence if caught doing so in public.

Yup, that's my vote, feel your own piece at every available opportunity, that way women are not needed, although they do make a very handy/mess free carry container but nothing an old sock can't emulate.

ProperCharlie

can't wait until mine can understand the message "go and get dad a beer out of the fridge".

then it will all have been worth it.

OllyK

My dog cleans any pots and pans you leave lying about - need double washing after that mind you. He fetches stuff, occasionaly the thing you asked for. If I left his bag of food out he would be more than happy to help himself (he wouldn't be able to move the rest of the week after eating a 30Kg bag though). He isn't too bothered about watching DVD's but is happy to amuse himself by chasing his treat ball about. And he is very good at getting rid of Jahova's witnesses!

ProperCharlie

mess free? are you sure about that, spoon? not drip proof in IME.

OllyK

Dare not teach the dog that, can would be empty by the time it got back (he does seem to have a thing about beer or wine come to that, have to hide the empties well), besides I have a misses for that job, can arrives opened and with not too much of it slurped along the way

OllyK

Depends on which oriface you chose to make the deposit in