MadGrip

14th December

Dearest Darling John,

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a pear
tree. What a delightful romantic gift. Thank you my darling for the
lovely thought.

With deep affection,

You're ever loving Agnes.


15th December

My Dearest Darling John,

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift of two turtledoves. I am
delighted, they are adorable.

All my love,

Agnes


16th December

Dearest Darling John,

Oh how extravagant you really are. I must protest, I don't deserve such
generosity, three French hens, I insist you are too kind.

You're loving Agnes


17th December

Dear John

What can I say? Four beautiful calling birds arrived with the Postman this
morning. Your kindness really is too much.

Love Agnes


18th December

My Dear John

What a surprise, today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for
every finger. You really are an impossible boy, but I love you. Frankly
all the birds are beginning to squawk and get on my nerves.

Love

Agnes.


19th December

Dear John

When I opened the door this morning, there were actually six bloody great
geese - laying eggs all over the front step. What on earth do you think I
can do with them all? The neighbours are beginning to complain about the
smell, and I can't sleep because of the noise! Please stop.

Cordially yours,

Agnes


20th December

What is it with you and these f***ing birds? Now I get seven swans a
swanning about the place! Is it some sort of god damned joke? The house
is full of bird ****, and the racket !!! I am becoming a nervous wreck.
It is not funny anymore, stop sending these f***ing birds !!!

Agnes.


21st December

OK buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with
eight maids a milking? It's not enough with all the birds, now I have
eight cows ****ting all over the house and mooing all night long.

F**K OFF !!!!!!!

Agnes.


22nd December

Look dick head - what are you on ??? You're having a laugh. Now I have
nine pipers playing ****e music constantly !!! And Christ do they
play....When they aren't playing their sodding pipes, they keep chasing
the maids through the cow ****. The cows keep on mooing and are treading
all over the f***ing birds !!! The neighbours are threatening to have me
evicted.

Agnes.


23rd December

You are a f***ing ******* !!!! Now we have ten ladies dancing. How on
earth anyone can call these ****** "ladies" is beyond me, they're pulling
the pipers all night long !!!!! The cows can't sleep and now have
diarrhoea. My living room is a sea of **** and the landlord has just
declared the building unfit for human habitation.



F**K OFF AND DIE JOHN !!!!!!!


24th December

Listen **** face - what with eleven lords leaping about the house,
******** me and the maids senseless, I shall probably never walk again.
The pipers are now fighting the lords for all the crumpet and resorting to
committing sodomy with the cows, the birds are dead and rotting having
been trampled during the orgy. I hope you're satisfied - you c**t.

Your sworn enemy,

Agnes.


25th December

You stinking lousy **** !!!! Twelve f.ucking drummers, banging their
f***ing drums all day long !!!! They have teamed up with the pipers,
making one hell of a noise, both lots have been buggering the cows and
Christ alone knows what happened to the milkmaids? They've probably
drowned in the cow **** by now. The only way I have to saved myself from
getting screwed to death is by hiding up in the f***ing pear tree which
has been well fertilised by all this **** and has now grown through the
roof !!!!!

Big hairy bollocks to you,

Agnes.

Dracoro

A month too late but LOL

AdrianFRST

Sorry to be pedantic, but the first day of Christmas is the 25th Dec, with the 12th being Jan 5th