davegtt

Hi guys, dont get me wrong, firstly I dlike to say Id neva try to force my partner into kids if she didnt want them, thats the first thing.

Right weve been together for 6yrs now. we have our own house and cars, we av cash but we aint well off, we couldnt go out everyweekend and not expect to be using the OD every month... but we get by without the OD etc etc... weve tlaked about kdis b4 and we both want them and we both want them soon, she has no career to give up or anything... (checkouts at asda)

now she wants to pay off some debt so we are more finacially stable b4 we go for the kids thing. now we have a plan, done the figures and good at saving we'll be outta debt mid year nxt year... now Id like to start trying now etc but shed rather wait until the debt is defo paid off. I know kids are expensive, after the cots and the pram etc etc its a pritty penny, that wouldnt be a prob BUT shes worried about weekly shopping type bills.... I dont think theres much to worry about tbh, If you think you cant afford kids youd neva have them.

What do u guys think, am I being selfish and should wait til next year (aug/sept next year as I dont want a kids nr christmas we agreed that) or do u think she should put out anything I can suggest to her to put her mind at rest?

we dont have a big social life either, hardly EVER go out on a fri or sat night Im 24 and shes 22. I feel like an old responsible adult but no full on responsibility, my thinking is if Im not going out living it up I might as well have something to stay in for. Ive been looking forward to children for a while now

ajm

the words "old before your time" spring to mind!!!

Chip

I always find if your going to plan for things like kids then youll never have them due to costs etc.

Chip.

davegtt

ajm, yes mate old before my time, I feel old like I say I dont go out and act irrisposible drinking 15 pints and fighting outside the club anymore the way I see it is if I aint going out now I drather av kids now so that when they are about 16 and can stay in and look after themselfs I'd only be about 40 with no morgage and I can go out and still live some of my life goingon hols and stuff like that... do u know where Im coming from mate

Dracoro

IMO, you've got another 5/10 years of enjoying life doing things that you can't do when you've had kids. Wait a few years, there's no rush. Also gives you time so save a good amount of cash so that when the kids do come along, you'll not go straight back into debt again because kids DO COST A LOT!

davegtt

yeah but there aint much that I do now that I couldnt do with kids anyhow... for example the car of my choice aint gonna cost me 10 like your cars cost, I have a or at least will have next week a std clean ph1 R5 GTT, dont wanna go spending cash on other big cars etc. quite happy in my humble little life and Id like to start a family now so that when the morgage is paid I still wont be held down by kids, I dlike them both to expire at a resonable time in my life so I can enjoy what life I have left

iDLe*

Accidents happen if you get what I mean, pump pump ooops!

Mice_Elf

If she's not ready, don't force the issue. There's no time limit on this.

If she wants to wait for half a year, or a year - why not? Where's the rush?

Once you have those children, you'll spend the next 18 years of your life looking after / out for them. Enjoy a few more years without.

ajm

but if you are only just staying in the black now how are you planning to pay for the kids? Especially since the missus will have to give up work to look after them, or you will have to pay for child minders etc.

ak47mh

I don't think you are sad at all mate, me and my partner also want to have kids next year.

Can see what you are saying about not trying until you are out of debt and then having to wait another 9 months on top of that.

Maybe you can both compromise and try 3/4 months before and you won't be having to fork out for anything yet?

lordharding

iTrader: (1)

having them soon is best if your OK for cash
im only 38 but have been known to go to foam partys ,lap dancing clubs and to the pub with the 17 year old boy

Last week he made me take him to a cough;cruise: cough in the scooby as his car wasnt flash enough !!

all his mates think im cool and one of the
lads as their dads are old (and boring )

Start tonight you can never afford kids if you wait

start up costs are less than £1000 !!!

pugoetru

Kids are not a financial decission

you either want them or you dont

If your wife is more worried about having money than having kids

SHE DOESN,T REALLY WANT ANY

LG John

Suggest to her you stop using contraception and see what nature does. Make no effort to have children but also no effort to prevent them. What will be, will be

ajm

yeah don't worry, we'll pay for your kids through our taxes!

Goochie

I'm with you on this one. I'm 23 and my fiancee 22, we're going to start trying for kids in 2005'ish, I know loads of people say that you cant "live" once you've got kids but the way we see it is that you live your life through/with your kids.

All depends what you want in life really. Persoanlly I'm looking forward to having my 2 seater sports car when I'm 45 rather than 25 - at least the insurance will be cheaper!

davegtt

ajm, I know what your saying mate, we never go without dont get me wrong when I say we are just staying in the black but if theres something we want we always end up with it...

Im worried I wait another year and then she turns round and says we still cant afford them and she keeps putting them off as she does think about cash too much...

btw work wouldnt be a problem as said ASDA are very accomodating for their staff and would sort her out with a resonable few hours a week. 18 hrs, less tax plus benifits (child care etc we aint scroungers) we wouldnt be much worse off each month

davegtt

basically what Im trying to ask then is how can I talk my misses outta being worried about cash??? do u think if I said we put another £20 away everytime we go shopping (estimated extra shopping each week once we av a kid) and see if we get by would work with her?

she spends £15 a week on dog treats and stuff...wtf!!!! that dont include the daily dog food cans and stuff...

MJW

Shoot the dog, have a vasectomy : financial problems sorted

davegtt

he'd probably eat the bullet and gun mate... its a beast

ajm

You need to talk it out I guess.... maybe she doesn't want kids so young but doesn't want to disappoint you?

Dunk

iTrader: (1)

Cunning plan...... I'll send you all the bills for my son, you pay them & you'll soon find out if you can afford a kid or not without the emotional stuff, early starts & nappies etc.

Everyone's a winner, where do you want the bills sending to ?


D

davegtt

no Im pritty sure that she wants them her sister is pregnant at the minute and shes over the moon at wanting to look after it this that and the other...

I think Id have a good idea if she was lieing to me. she is sooo readable plus she knows Id rather know if she didnt want them.

davegtt

lmao @ Dunk that sounds fine mate, I dont mind if u wanna over spend either, u wanna ask AJM for his address he'll sort it out

^Qwerty^

Have them as soon as you can, cos they tire you out. I would guess that the older you get, the harder it gets....

My Mrs was planning on having kids at some point, but probably much older than she is now. However now we've got one, she's glad it's now, rather than when she's in her 30's.

Dunk

iTrader: (1)

Will says thanks, you shouldn't have !

D

davegtt

lmao.... I know I shouldnt av, although maybe ajm shouldnt av

ajm

yeah no problems, I'll pick up the tab.... the babies are on me!

[Edited by ajm - 12/12/2003 4:47:49 PM]

chaos.

Ooops, the rubber 'split'!

remember to hide the sissors


cha0s

Jiggerypokery

Two fellow cyclists I see!

Remember to always wear a helmet.